The Heidi-Shaped Hole in my Heart

This is a post that I never imagined I would be writing at this time. What I did expect to write, on or about December 9th, is a post I had already decided to call, "A Milestone for Heidi". It would be written on my warm, wild, weird, woolly and wonderful Heidi's 12th birthday -- a milestone our former oldest giant dog, Tessa, fell 18 days short of reaching. It never entered my mind, with my frisky girl's only sign of old age being some stiff leg joints, that this is a milestone that God would likewise, inexplicibly, deny her as well, also 18 days short.

3 days ago, on Wed. the 18th, I'd left work early for a dental appointment and got home around 4:30. About an hour later, Heidi pawed at the pantry door -- her way of telling me she wanted some dog biscuits. I grabbed a few and put them by the dogs' bowls as usual. As Heidi went to retrieve one (she never did like to take one out of my hand), she slipped on the kitchen floor, as she did occasionally. But this time she couldn't stand back up. That had happened twice before, and we'd pushed her to the rug to get traction. But she still couldn't get back up. I was sure she would after a short while. When she still couldn't, I waited for Rex to get home and help her up, since I couldn't lift her. But she still couldn't keep her legs under her and would flop back down.

I began to panic, as this started to look like what happened when Colby's rear end had shut down 7 months earlier. I slept (or tried to) in my recliner the next two nights to be near her. She also had lost interest in eating or drinking water, and she was not peeing or pooping. Rex made an appointment with our vet for 2:30 yesterday, and I left work early to be with my girl in case this was as serious as it seemed. In the meantime, a coworker gave me hope that maybe it was just a bad case of arthritis and that a shot of cortisone could get her moving again. I then decided I would fight against Heidi getting that other kind of (final) shot unless our vet could confirm there was absolutely no hope. What he did say was he felt there was a small chance the pills could work, and I said I had to take that small chance. So we returned home with Heidi and the pills.

That night, she was her alert self and tried to fight Rex shoving the pills down her throat. She still was not eating, drinking, peeing or pooping. But she scooted on the rug to change her position till she was next to my recliner. She did a modified version of the usual swatting of my arm -- she slapped her paw on the rug to tell me she wanted to keep being petted. So of course, I did. I realize now that she was already fading and was using the strength she had left to say goodbye to her mommy and thank me for bringing her home and giving us one last night together. I didn't see it at the time; I still refused to believe she wouldn't recover. I also began squirting water or chicken broth in her mouth every couple hours with a turkey baster to get some liquid into her.

Today, she seemed to become less alert as the day wore on, and she mostly stayed in the same position. By the time Rex came home from work, she hardly fought him giving her the pills. Shortly after that, her breathing became labored for the next few hours, and stopped at about 9:45 p.m. I am writing this two hours later, and it doesn't seem real. We never saw this coming and I am left with a huge Heidi-shaped hole in my heart. After a rocky beginning when we adopted her in January '02 at age 4, she had become so very dear to me. I can't believe she won't be here to celebrate her 12th birthday, or even for Thanksgiving turkey. I am indeed thankful for 7 years, 10 months and 4 days with this wonderful girl and am thankful it happened at home with many hugs given throughout this sad day. Instead of a needle at the vet's office yesterday, we gambled that the pills would make her well and we lost. We only got to have an additional day and 7 hours with her. Mommy loves and misses you so very much, my "Swatgirl". I will love and miss you always.

A Fond Farewell.....and Hello Again......

As has often been the case, I've been meaning to post this week, and it took something drastic to finally get me to do so. The fond farewell is for a tiny, special little fellow who, in a way, was my tiniest "nephew". Joshua Richard, age 10-1/2, the much-loved 4 lb. Chihuahua/Pomeranian cherished by my dearest friend Dianne, left this world at about 3:30 a.m. on Tues., Oct. 6, his wee heart losing the battle of its apparently congenital failure. I don't think it's quite sunk in yet that I will no longer, at least on this earth, be able to play fetch and tug-of-war with my little pal next time I visit Dianne's home. It never occurred to me, even though she'd had to start force-feeding him a few weeks ago following an emergency vet visit where his dormant condition was diagnosed, that my last visit a couple Saturdays ago was the last time I'd see the "pocket pooch". Since this is a loss for me as well, I can only imagine what my sweet friend is going through. I gave my Heidi extra hugs and kisses tonight from little Josh, and also cuddled a couple of our guinea pigs. Josh was such a lively, lovable fellow and I know we hoped and expected we would get to enjoy him for many more years (his dad Ricky lived to age 18; his mom Chica is 16 or 17). I'll never forget all the times I played fetch with him and how amazingly strong his little jaws were as he hung on to his toy while I pretended to struggle to claim it. I would have had to pull really hard, which of course I wouldn't. I wish I could be there to comfort Dianne, to do more than pray and ask those on my online lists to pray (though of course, that is important), instead of being tied to my crazy job where I'm pulled in so many different directions lately that it's hard to see straight. Dianne, not wanting to think about going home today to not be greeted by her "little man", mentioned the desire to go on a sleigh ride with me this December in Leavenworth (a Bavarian-themed village a few hours away), which sounds really good right about now. Chica's health is also failing and her dad is in frail condition, and all this is really wearing on her. She's having one of those months like I had in July 2004 when, all in the same month, our dog Tessa died, I got stitches in my wrist and a broken finger from an accidental bite from my dog Jesse, we learned my mother-in-law was terminally ill, and I was laid off (from a job I hated, but even so....). Things do get better, but it never feels that way at the time. ANYWAY....sleep tight, tiny angel boy -- and if there is a doggie heaven, your mom and auntie will again have a chance to play fetch and tug-of-war with you.........

One good thing that happened today, literally one of the most hectic days I've had at my hectic job, was when a few minutes before I went home, our two new office assistants (who have been doing a great job) surprised me with a Whitman's Sampler box of candy, a Thriftway gift card and a sweet thank-you card for my help in training them. Having gotten negative feedback not long ago from my bosses for what they perceive as not dealing with phone customers as I should and letting an occasional detail of literally hundreds a day fall through the cracks, I don't think these gals know how much their gesture means to me, to know someone there actually does value and appreciate me.

The "hello again" has to do with an unexpected decision I made regarding my church situation. I'd left a church I absolutely loved at the end of May due to disagreements with its governing body, the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA). Though my church was/is traditional as ELCA churches go and I doubt many members agree with the ELCA on many issues, I decided I could no longer in good conscience remain in an ELCA churches. During the next four months, I visited 6 churches, 3 of them non-ELCA Lutheran, as far as 18 miles away, anywhere from one to four times. The only church that attracted me as much as the one I left was PCUSA Presbyterian, which I would have as much difference with as I do with the ELCA, and it was twice the distance. So that wouldn't make much sense. A couple weeks ago, I thought I'd made the decision to commit to an LCMS Lutheran church 11 miles away, though it's small and has no choir. But the following Sunday, I began to doubt that decision too. I laid awake half that night and realized I'd never stopped thinking about the church I left and how many of the people felt like family. I also thought about seeing one of the members on the ferry the week before and learning about 60% of the congregation had voted in opposition to the recent ELCA rulings on certain issues, and that there would be another big vote later this month to determine whether our congregation would decide to initiate action to leave the ELCA. So I knew that my four-month search would lead me back to the place where I know I belong. I returned there this past Sunday and know it was the right decision. But it's sad to know that the next vote two Sundays from now will likely result in a split of our church. The other two ELCA churches in town are experiencing the same thing. So it could be that one of our churches could eventually become LCMS and many of us will end up there -- or many of us will start our own LCMS church. Whatever happens, it's encouraging to know that the majority of the people in this church that I love are of like mind on these issues, and whatever building we end up worshipping at in the coming months, we will be together. I will post here again following the crucial vote 11 days from now.

As for the wonderful world of crochet, I've been back to making Barbie gowns. I made a jewel-toned variegated blue/fuchsia/plum gown for my Asian Barbie, which turned out great, and then I started on a huge undertaking -- a Barbie wedding party. I've completed the gowns for the two bridesmaids (two different but harmonious styles in two-tone pink and rose) and flower girl (a 7-1/2" Stacie doll, also pink and rose) and have been working on the Ken doll groom. His pants, briefs and shirt are done and am now working on his jacket. Then it's on to the elaborate beaded Victorian bridal gown. I'm more than a little annoyed that I can't locate the accessories I bought awhile back for her gown - over 1,100 cream beads, cream satin lining, cream tulle for her veil, and several yards of lace. I went through my entire craft closet to no avail and am at a loss. If I have to repurchase that stuff, so be it, but I obviously would rather not, so hopefully it will turn up. I've also been working on charity baby items - a one-piece, two-tone baby bunting at the moment (Bernat Softee baby yarn; dark rose along with the variegated rose/green/yellow/white Summer Ombre I've used now for several items; such pretty yarn). As with all my other recent projects, pictures coming on the crochet section of evergreenrefuge.org in the not-too-distant future!

I just realized I didn't get around to posting here in September, my birth month. I'd planned a trip on Labor Day weekend to Bellingham and Whidbey Island, taking the side roads north rather than the highway and stopping in other towns along the way. I was really looking forward to it. Then with the rainy forecast, I reluctantly decided to skip the Bellingham part of the trip but still fully intended an overnighter to Whidbey Island. The morning of the trip, it was raining so hard that "Bianca" started hydroplaning on the highway a couple times, which was scary and not at all relaxing. I absolutely didn't want to cancel my abbreviated trip, but I didn't feel safe. So after driving 30 miles, I pulled off the highway, called the hotel and they were nice about letting me cancel with no penalty. I treated myself to a McDonald's breakfast, made stops at Joann's and Michael's where I picked up a few things, then went home and weeded through the clothes in my closet, which I did need to do. But I was really disappointed to not be taking my long-awaited mini-vacation, especially when the rain literally slowed down and then stopped after I cancelled the hotel -- figures!! As we Chicago Cubs fans have become all too used to saying, "Wait till next year............"

The Long Hot Week, The Medium Hot Crochet Hook, and the Short Cool Piggie

It's been two weeks ago now, the last week of July 2009, that we here in western Washington who are so used to (spoiled by) beautiful moderate to cool summer weather the majority of the time survived the hottest week we have EVER experienced in this area. It got to 103 degrees one day in the towns where I live and work, as well as officially at Sea-Tac Airport (a couple degrees hotter in other towns), and in the high 90s on, I believe, 3 other days. As hard as that was to endure in our non-air conditioned home and offices (the new ceiling fan Rex had installed a few weeks before in the great room directly above my recliner was a blessing and a tremendous help), I was more concerned about our very furry dogs and guinea pigs, especially Heidi, being age 11-1/2. But it stayed pretty decent in our well insulated home, so we all made it through. I'm so glad we are back to our typical highs in the 60s and 70s. I had not experienced anything this hot since my fun but ill-timed visit to Vegas last Sept. and could NOT live anywhere where this hell on earth took place even occasionally, let alone regularly! I don't know how people do it, even if they have air conditioning. I had more of a scare with Heidi almost a week ago, in the evening. She slipped on the linoleum and couldn't regain her balance to get up and walk. I had to push her onto the carpet and was terrified her back end was shutting down, as happened with Colby and Farley shortly before they passed. But after a nap on the carpet, she was able to walk and it hasn't happened again, thank the Lord. Rex is giving her extra glucasomine for her joints in addition to what's in her food. I love my girl SO much and NEED to have her with me as long as God will allow us to have her.

I finally got something done this weekend that I've needed to get done for too long - got my latest crochet projects photographed with my very trusty Nikon L5 Coolpix camera and discovered I had enough to add TWO new crochet pages to evergreenrefuge.org. So I'm very glad to announce that Crochet page 4 and Crochet page 5 are ready for your viewing pleasure, featuring my Barbie angels, larger dressed-up dollies and latest ghans including the semi-original Rose Pineapple! Having visited a church a week ago that MAY be the one I end up being a part of and having been anxious to visit there again today, I was disappointed when Rex told me this a.m. that "Bianca" has a flat tire and he wouldn't be able to tend to it till tomorrow. But in one way it was a blessing in disguise, since it gave me time to complete my new crochet pages!

The only other thing that's new lately (aside from more of a skeleton crew at work than ever the previous two workdays, with Chris and Stephen both out for a few days; they're interviewing new assistants but no one has been hired yet) is our newest guinea pig, Connor, who Rex found on Freecycle (where he's found most of our other piggies). So now we are back up to six piggies. He joined our household a couple weeks ago (I'll find and post the exact date to my furballs3 page soon) and has settled in well. He's a very cute (and friendly but very squirmy) albino with pink eyes and two-tone short beige and white fur and is about a year and a half old. We tried to pair him with Cinnamon, but Mr. Lone Wolf wasn't nice to him and seems to continue to want to be a solo act, and it was too crowded having him in the same cage with Harry and Joey. So he is in his own cage but doing fine and enjoying his daily veggies. We've lost four piggies in the past year and pray the six we have now stay happy and healthy for the foreseeable future! I really need to get photos of them on my furballs3 page but will need to do that on a weekend day when Rex is home so that he can hold them in place while I snap the pics. They're all a bit skiddish and we don't want them trying to scamper off and getting hurt. Well, I'll hit "publish" now and hope to have more definite news next time about church, relief at work, and vacation (leaning toward taking a brief auto trip here in beautiful western Washington and saving a longer trip for next year).

Some Things Old, Some Things New, Some Things Up in the Air

Let's start with the new things. So far, there are two. Several weeks ago, the then-new Compaq laptop (my first new, not used or refurbished) I began using in June '07 when we moved into our LONG-awaited home, began acting quite sluggish, despite the relatively fast cable connection we've enjoyed since Sept. '07. I attributed this to needing more memory beyond the 512 MB it came with. But before I had a chance to buy and install additional memory, the toy began acting very strangely. It would stay on for awhile and then turn itself off. I thought, wow, it's REALLY low on memory. Staples happened to have a half-price sale on tech services, so I decided to take it there to be tuned up and get 2 GB memory installed. To my shock, apparently the free AVG anti-virus protection I'd trusted all along was free for a reason. Two viruses had gotten through and damaged my toy. It would have cost $369 to restore it. Rex and I decided that for not a lot more, we could get a nice new one -- and so we did. Staples didn't have the exact one we wanted at the price we could justify but Office Depot, across the road, did. It's a Toshiba Satellite with a whopping 3 GB memory. We've had it a few weeks now and enjoying it thoroughly. It's the first Toshiba we've had (all the others have been Compaq) but I'm sure it won't be the last. (And we have it protected with a heavy-duty trial version of Norton 360, which we'll buy when the trial period is over. I don't want to take any chances with this honey of a machine!)

The second new addition happened just today (or actually yesterday, since it's now after midnight). We're back up to six guinea pigs. I noticed Rex kept looking in the bottom cage where our darling Harry and Joey live (who I call the "glamour boys" since they are both so pretty with their long silky fur) and this concerned me. I kept asking, the boys are OK, aren't they? He assured me they were, and I peeked myself and saw nothing unusual. About 10:30 tonight, he placed a piggy in my lap. I looked at this furball, a shorthaired albino with beige and white fur, and said. "Who are you?" Rex said his name is Connor and he's a year and a half old. He is very sweet and docile; doesn't seem skiddish like our other piggies. I hadn't even noticed him in the cage with Harry and Joey; he was hiding in the igloo. (Rex had first tried putting him with Cinnamon, but Cinnamon wants to continue being Mr. Lone Wolf.) So far things are going fine with Harry and Joey, but we have another cage to put Connor in if it looks like that will work better. We'll see!

There are also, of course, new things that I've crocheted, but that goes without saying. I still have not gotten around to photographing the many new items that I need to photograph and place on a 4th crochet page on my site. I definitely need to do that very soon. Since I posted last, I've completed outfits for three of my four 16" to 18" girl dolls, and they all turned out beautiful, if I do say so. I'm anxious to get the pics taken and posted so others can see them. I then made a baby ghan (for a future gift or charity) using a color combo of Bernat Softee Baby that I fell in love with on my most recent weekend excursion with Dianne. The colors are soft red (more of a deep rose), fresh green (a bright apple green) and summer ombre, a variegated containing these colors as well as light yellow and white. I found it such a refreshing change from the usual pastel baby yarn. The pattern I used is "Gentle Ripple", a ripple variation using puff stitches and mesh rows, which is fun to make and pretty. I'll use this pattern again in the future for both baby and full-size ghans. I then had enough yarn left for a baby layette. I just made a V-stitch jacket and will make the hat and booties next. After that, I'll make a little outfit for my 20" baby boy doll in a light blue. Pics of all this WILL be coming in the near future!

There are also currently two things that are up in the air -- my church and my vacation. As I posted a month ago, I did make the VERY difficult decision to leave a church I loved due to what I realized were irreconcilable differences with its governing body -- something I wish I'd researched further before I got so involved and attached. The last service I attended there was May 31st, Pentecost Sunday. Since then, I've visited 4 churches. I've narrowed things down more and feel I'll know what I'm supposed to do about this situation in 2 or 3 more weeks. That's all I'll say about this for now till I make a decision as to where God would have me attend and serve Him.

I made another difficult decision -- to not visit Vancouver, BC over Labor Day weekend and my birthday, as I originally planned to do. The "enhanced driver's license" which is now required for entry into Canada turned out to be more of a hassle to obtain than I expected. I'm thinking about maybe taking the train to Portland again, even though I've been there, since I love going there and it's been four years. Or maybe I'll just do something local with Dianne. Again, we shall see!

The something old is a lot of things -- my job, which is a good thing even though we are more shorthanded than ever (with the two people who quit unexpectedly last month) and the place mentally exhausts me with all the constant changing gears all day, every day. They just placed an ad for another assistant to help with more of the mundane things I don't have time to do, and Elfi (who's supposed to be semi-retired) offered to train this person, which I was glad to hear, since I sure don't have time to train them! And the other old things remain my bod, my attitude, my insomnia and headaches, my lack of spiritual growth (the right church will hopefully help with that last one) -- all the things I constantly pray for help with and yet they never seem to change. I remain a disgusting 45-ish pounds overweight, I'm sitting here blogging after 1:00 a.m. on a weeknight when I have to get up for work in less than 6 hours, and I know doing these same things will net the same results, yet I keep doing them. Whoever may be reading this, please pray these things begin turning around. I get SO tired of waiting and sometimes I give up hope. I didn't want to end this post on a down note, and part of me DOES have hope that I won't always be a chubby, sluggish insomniac. But I NEED some divine intervention here and a giant kick-start, however that has to be accomplished. HELP, Lord.........

Rosie, Vacations, Ghans, Dolls, and Doctrine

I never intended to be over two months between posts again. I don't like waiting this long between posts since there is always the chance I'll forget something I intended to write about. Part of the reason is that, with my having recorded so many old 20s to 60s movies this year from Turner Classic Movies on my DVR and having to keep up on watching them so the DVR doesn't fill up - and the DVR being in one room while the computer's in the other - it limits my time on the computer. I often finally get around to checking my E-mail around midnight and by then (especially on weekdays) it's too late to do much else. Even that takes long enough that I inevitably get to bed too late, and then it's on to my job which continues to be mentally tiring with all the constant shifting gears all day, every day. They've started a summer schedule where one of us works an early shift once a week on a rotating day. My day this week is Friday. So I'll get home at 4, which will be nice, but I'll have to get up not much later than 5, YAWN. So I decided I'll finally do this long-overdue post, put away the laundry, and then off to bed...

It's a shame that it took the loss of yet another sweet pet, the third this year already, to finally push me to write this entry. A few days ago, Rex said, "I think we're losing Rosie" - Rosemary, our pretty black and orange Abyssinian guinea pig, who passed away sometime during our workday yesterday. Her cagemate, Meg, died in late January. Rosie had seemed fine but she suddenly stopped eating and drinking water a few days ago. Rex knew there was something wrong when she just let her broccoli sit; she used to devour it. As with our other piggies that passed, we don't know what happened. She was about 4-1/2. She was one of our most skiddish piggies, always scurrying away whenever we tried to pick her up, but also one of the prettiest and with one of the loudest squeaks. We will miss this sweet little girl, and are now down to 5 piggies. Thankfully, they all seem fine, but this type of thing seems to happen quickly and with no warning....

I've gotten together with Dianne a couple times since writing last. When we got together in April, and inevitably ended up in a quilting store since she is now a quilter in addition to being a crocheter, I ended up falling in love with a purse pattern that converts from a handbag to a backpack, and buying the pattern and 3 beautiful coordinating fabrics to make it. I still have a sewing machine but have not used it for many, many years, having chosen to be exclusively a crocheter for a very long time. So when I'll ever get around to actually making this dang purse is anybody's guess!

The last time Dianne and I got together, it was to go on our mini-vacation to the Long Beach peninsula from May 16-18. I took Friday the 15th as a day off work and went to her house late that afternoon; we spent the evening crocheting as usual and left at 8:30-ish that morning. I meant to write this a few weeks ago so that I could remember more details of what we did. But in general, though it's always fun to see new places, most of the Long Beach peninsula was somewhat disappointing for both of us. Long Beach itself was cute but touristy, the towns of Seaview and Ocean Park were nice but not much to do, Ilwaco had a pretty lake and park but not a lot else. A highlight was Oysterville, most of which is a historic landmark and consisting of original homes and a cute little old church, mostly built in the 1800s. The place in Seaview which Dianne had found online that we reserved to stay at, to say it was a disappointment would be a gross understatement. It turned out to be very rundown, so much so that I was grateful that Dianne had the courage to make a long list of the various things wrong with the room and present it to the owner, who consented to refunding us for the second night which freed us to find better accomodations. We spent our second evening at a Christian-owned resort, Sunset View in Ocean Park; the room was very pleasant and the grounds were beautiful. It helped to make up for the first evening in the dump.

We had originally planned to stay at a pretty place called Anchorage Cottages in Long Beach, but Dianne wanted to bring all three of her tiny dogs and Anchorage would only allow two of the dogs, despite their all being well-behaved, age 10 to 16, and tiny. We didn't want to leave Chica, age 16, behind. But in retrospect, we should have. The poor girl didn't travel well; she was very nervous and peed in her doggie stroller at least three times. It also got tricky to handle all three when we wanted to go into stores. But you know what they say about hindsight! The other mistake was not getting a room with a separate bedroom. Dianne and I have totally different body clocks; she's a morning person and I am NOT. So, being in the same room where it was well past her usual bedtime and nowhere near mine, we drove each other nuts. Again, hindsight!

On the final day of our excursion, a Monday, we stopped in Astoria, Oregon before heading back to Dianne's place, since we were already so close to there. I hadn't been there for years and all I can say is that I didn't feel it lived up to its billing as "little San Francisco" in the promo material we read! At least the weather stayed nice throughout our trip - till my 35-mile trip home from Dianne's house, when it rained the whole time. I also wished I'd taken the following day off work as well; I got home after 8 p.m. and it was hard getting back to the old grind!

On to crocheting - let's see, when I posted last, I was finishing up the light green and pink Irish Roses ghan. I finished that, then I made a popcorn ripple ghan in burgundy, cream and light green. Then, for a final ghan for my home (I already have too many, but....), I very much wanted a mostly cream ghan with big burgundy roses with green leaves. I tried a couple of patterns but didn't like either. What to do?? Well, having seen after all these decades that I CAN improvise without a pattern, as I did on that final Barbie angel, I thought, well, COULD I start with someone else's flower motif and make up a square from there? Well, why not? So, when I was at Dianne's back in April, I looked through her patterns. I settled on a Maggie Weldon flower, motif #2 in the book, "99 Crochet Motifs". I made the flower and the row of green leaves surrounding it. I looked at it and realized that for the huge square I wanted to make, it needed another row of leaves. So I made one up, consisting of double and triple cluster stitches. THEN I switched to cream and carefully proceeded to make a four-pineapple design on a double crochet background, using my knowledge of how pineapple patterns are constructed. I edged the square in sc in the same green as the leaves, and finally, added chain loops for a "join as you go" square. Ta daaaaa!! This ghan is now done and it is gorgeous!! Below is a pic of that first original square. I'm delayed in photographing my recent ghans and dolls due to my digital camera needing better rechargeable batteries which I'll buy soon; they barely stayed charged for this one pic!



I'm now working on outfits for my few 16" to 18" girl dolls. These are being made of worsted weight yarn so they are going much faster than the thread Barbie gowns. I'm 98% finished with a burgundy Victorian outfit (ran out of the Bernat Berella cream for her overskirt; ordered more this week) and well underway with a dark pink outfit.

The last part of the title of this post has to do with my dilemma regarding my church. As I've shared here, I've been attending a Lutheran church that I love since last July and joined the church in Feb., despite some lingering questions about certain doctrinal issues, since I love the services and the people. I won't go into the specifics here, but my church is ELCA which is the largest and most liberal variety of Lutheran. At the same time my church is very traditional with weekly communion and beautiful old music, yet with a warmth I haven't found elsewhere. (I've become so attracted now to this style of worship as opposed to "a sermon and a few praise jingles on a screen" found in most evangelical churches, and even some Lutheran churches for that matter.) So it has more of the feel of an LCMS church, the variety I feel more in tune with doctrinally. Yet, it's not. The latest struggle for me is learning that the famous abortionist who was recently killed was an usher in an ELCA church. Now, I definitely don't feel it was right that this man was murdered. But I also wonder, why would a church welcome as a member someone who's been instrumental in the destruction of thousands of babies AND have him serving as an usher?? So -- a couple of weeks ago, I visited an LCMS church that's only a few miles further away than my current church, and I did like it. But should I leave a church I love because of my differences with its governing body? OUCH. I just don't know. I may need to sit down and talk to the pastor at this other church; he's presently out of town. As with so many other areas of my life -- to be continued!

The "L" Words -- and the "K" Word

Yesterday was Easter Sunday. That means the season of Lent (my first "l" word) has now ended -- a season which my former Evangelical church paid almost no attention to. I love the fact that is not the case with liturgical (another "l" word) churches such as my small traditional Lutheran (another "l" word!) church. A few weeks ago I asked Pastor Liz (yes, another "l") if Lutherans are supposed to give up something for Lent. She said it was optional, but I thought it would be a good thing to give up some of the carbs (which I will not specifically name here, but God knows what they are) I crave the most. So I did that. Then I started getting a major craving for one of them last week. I looked online to try to determine what day Lent ended and the answer appeared to be Maundy Thursday, the day before Good Friday. So at lunchtime, I gave in to buying my #1 craved carb (which didn't even taste all that irresistible to me - so I've again abstained since then). I hope I didn't err by breaking my Lent fast from this item too soon (even though it's not mandatory in my church) since I subsequently heard Lent didn't officially end till Easter. But it's one of the many things I can't undo!

We had a somber but very nice Good Friday service in which the youth read the Scriptures, and Rex entered the sanctuary a few minutes late, so he stayed in the back row so as not to be disruptive (I was already there since our choir sang at the end -- the beautiful "Tis Midnight and on Olive's Brow"). He didn't say a thing afterwards about the service. It's still too different for him compared to Evangelical services. I was hoping he would come with me for Easter but I felt he wouldn't, and I was right. Hopefully one day. We had a really beautiful and upbeat Easter service preceded by a yummy Easter potluck, for which I made a sausage, mushroom, egg andcheese casserole (all of which got eaten).

Another "l" word is Long Beach -- as in the scenic area on the Washington coast where Dianne and I hoped to stay for two days last year before things got too precarious with her parents' health. She kept going back and forth as to whether we should shoot for mid-May this year or wait till Sept. I kept hoping for a decision on her part, since the "Knit and Crochet Show" in Portland is the same weekend and there were a couple of classes there I was interested in taking. She was not interested in going, but I took a solo vaca to Portland in '05 and had a great time. I would have done that again this year, and thought I would when the cottage we hoped to reserve said they changed their rule regarding dogs and would only let us bring two of her three toy dogs. She would have had to leave Chica behind with Lisa, and I am very fond of Chica. I told Dianne, let's wait till Sept. to go away together, which would give us time to research somewhere else to go. But she was determined we would go to Long Beach in May and found 2 other places online. The first, uh, let's just say they don't cater to conservative Christians like us! But the other place sounded nice and did not list a limit on number of dogs one could bring. I called them and we ended up with a similar cottage to the other place at a lower price, and can bring all three dogs. So no Portland trip this year, but that also means I may look into a solo trip for a few days to Vancouver, BC for my birthday in Sept. (No more 105 in the shade destinations like Vegas last year!)

Another "l" word that's been on my mind is "life expectancy" (OK. that's two words) as in dogs. After Colby passed, I Googled "life expectancy Samoyed" and most of the sources said it's 12 to 15 years. We never knew Colby's birthdate since he was a stray, but his age was estimated at 4 when we adopted him and we had him just over 7 years. So that means he was a bit under the average life expectancy. I don't know if there's a lot we could have done about that. He stopped wanting to go on walks a couple years ago, which he needed to do since he was so overweight. So that could have affected his back end going lame like it did at the end. We gave him a good home and I trust he was happy with us, and aside from getting yappy most every night, he was a good dog. I then looked up life expectancy for Great Pyrenees. Most sources said 11 to 12, with a few going a bit above that. Rex and I feel our precious Heidi, who is now 11 years and 4 months, will beat those odds. She is trim, frisky and healthy, with no problems following the removal of that awful-looking benign cyst last fall. She is also my most special baby girl and I NEED to have her with me as long as possible.

Yet another "l" word is "lazy", which I have been in the whole area of exercising. I've finally been walking to the dock from the park n'ride and back each workday, with the weather finally cooperating. But I need to do more than that. I need to either take long walks or get on my stepper on the weekends, and I haven't done that for a long time. Today I decided I would "splurge" and spend the $5 to park in the lot at the ferry dock. I parked in the "back forty" since those machines accept cash payments, and rationalized that at least this way, I'd still get in over 20% of the full walk to the park n'ride. I didn't get to sleep late Saturday (the reason has to do with the "k" word, explained below) and also had to get up early (for nightowl me) Sunday to get the breakfast casserole in the oven and be at church for breakfast at 8:30. So I figured this would make an easier start to my work week. But at $5 a day, and with the lack of exercise that results, this is a "splurge" I won't often be allowing myself, though it continues to be SO frustrating that the evening walk (slightly uphill and with my being tired after a full day at work) exhausts me so. It wouldn't if I could ever lose this 6 gallons of milk I continue to carry around (one gallon weighing about 8 pounds). But my eating level remains such that the weight doesn't budge despite the 15-ish extra miles of weekly walking....

Now for the "K" word -- that other (and inexplicably more popular) yarn craft, the one I tried on my own to learn a few times over the years, mainly to see what the fuss was about, but also because I've often thought it would be nice to just know the basics and maybe even change off occasionally. In unsuccessfully trying to learn a few times in the past, it often occurred to me that it would be so much more of a hassle to try to coordinate two to four needles than just one hook. But yet, so many women swear by this other craft, and yarn stores cater to those who do it and barely acknowledge us crocheters. So I've often thought, I should have someone try to give me a private lesson, since I've been unable to learn from any videos or books, just to see, once and for all, if this is something I can do and want to do, or if I should officially just forget it! I was supposed to have a lesson with Beverly from my South Sound yarn and fiber group last year, but that didn't happen. Last month, I went to the first evening "K***-in" at the new yarn shop in my town, and virtually everyone was doing the "K" craft while I crocheted my Irish Roses afghan. After that, I said, OK, I'm going to have this lesson. That's the only way I will resolve this in my mind. After all, thousands of women do it and love it, so how hard could it be? I went to the shop two weekends ago and scheduled the lesson for 1:00 p.m. this past Sat., the 11th. They recommended I learn the Continental method which, as both a left-hander and experienced crocheter, they claimed would be easiest for me to learn. Then, assuming I would finally learn the basics, I spent a good amount of time at knittingpatterncentral.com finding several cute dishcloths I expected to soon be able to make.

The teacher called the evening before and asked if I could come at 10:00 a.m. instead of 1:00 p.m. which I agreed to even though it meant I wouldn't be able to lounge in bed half the morning. I won't go into all the gory details of how I couldn't even hold the needles the right way let alone figure out how to pick the yarn the right way and feed it through the other needle and off the first one to make an actual stitch. We didn't even get to the purl stitch, which she said was more complicated. I could see the writing on the wall after just a few minutes of this lunacy. (When something is just not happening, why force the issue?) After numerous tries, during which I made an actual stitch a few times just by accident but was not enjoying myself in the least and kept asking myself what I was doing here, the teacher said it appeared I was throwing the yarn (which is supposed to be the right hander's preferred method) rather than picking, and maybe I should take a lesson in English style rather than Continental. I told her I would think about it and that I would practice some more, while thinking to myself, "Noooooooo!" and being excited to now officially confirm what I suspected all these years:

I will never be a knitter. I don't WANT to be a knitter. I am SO absolutely fine with not being a knitter!!! I am a devoted, passionate, addicted CROCHETER -- and after trying in vain to be something I'm not, I love my beautiful craft even more than ever. I am more mystified than ever why yarn shops cater to knitters and treat people like me like the stepchildren of the craft world. I don't understand why so many women choose to k*** when they can CROCHET. I can crochet anything they can k*** and it will be prettier! I'd better stop ranting here lest I offend anyone; I honestly do admire people who can k*** beautifully and respect the love they have for their craft. But I am relieved that I don't have to waste any more time wondering if I can or would ever want to do it, and don't have to spend more money I can't afford on needles and k*** patterns. CROCHET RULES!!!! And I will continue to talk it up when I go to that yarn store and hope my craft, and those of us who love it, will begin to get the respect and attention we deserve.

I have not entirely ruled out the possibility of taking a private lesson in loom (another "l" word!) knitting, which supposedly can be learned by those of us who can't master fumbling with two or more needles. I wasn't able to learn that from a book either and don't know anyone who teaches it locally, but I found a gal online 2 hours from me who does, which would be a nice little overnight trip. I also am still interested in seeing if I can learn Tunisian crochet, which does look like knitting but uses just one hook.

As for my crochet projects, I mentioned the Irish Roses ghan. I'm now working steadily to finish it after just bringing sections of it on my commute while concentrating on the Barbie angels at home. I finished my fifth and final angel last week (well, 7 if you count the two I made for Dianne and for Val). I think she turned out best of all even though I improvised a bit. I wanted a fifth angel since that was the amount of room on top of our tv cabinet where they are displayed, but didn't like the stitch of the fifth pattern in the booklet. I tried two other patterns but didn't like either and ripped both out. I finally went with the Silhouette Dress, one of four Barbie dresses I used to sell at craft fairs, making the straight part of her skirt a few rows longer. Her wings and halo I made up as I went along, using the same stitch from the dress but the shape and size of the wings and haloes in the booklet. I used straw (light gold) #10 Opera thread and she's beautiful! I hope to take pics of all of them soon for my upcoming crochet page 4 on my site. Well, my lunch hour at work is long gone, so back to work....

And Then There Were Three.....

When I posted only 12 days ago about our Samoyed, Colby, showing signs of aging, I had no idea the end was so near. I guess we had a little more warning than with Farley, whose lame back end came with hardly any warning. But still, you think, he's just getting older. He'll be able to hang in there for some time. We don't mind having to lift up his back legs to get him up the steps; he's a trooper and he'll be fine otherwise. Then a couple evenings ago when we grilled burgers, he didn't touch his half a burger all the dogs get, so we thought, that's not a good sign. Then last evening after work, I wasn't able to pull him up out of the indentation in the ground he'd been laying in outside all day. Still, I figured, OK, when Rex gets here, he'll pull him out, he'll be OK. Rex got home and barely dragged Colby into the bedroom - where he remained, no longer able to move his back end and apparently with no desire to ingest anything except water. Rex has seen this type of thing with dogs at the kennel before and knew Colby was beyond a trip to the vet, except for that one final dreaded trip. WIth our regular vet not working weekends, he brought Colby to a vet his employer deals with for that final trip and is outside building a coffin as I write this. I went to the ladies' spring luncheon at church this afternoon where I tried unsuccessfully to hold it together. What a cruddy first weekend of spring this has turned out to be.

There's more about Colby and our life with him in the furballs section of evergreenrefuge.org. Unlike when we lost Gus, then Farley, then Tessa, we will not be looking for a fourth dog. A new girl dog could upset Heidi, who remains my most special baby at age 11 (but is thankfully doing great) -- and Archie and Jesse already don't get along indoors without trying to introduce another boy dog. But now we hope to be able to let Jesse sleep in our bedroom with us at night instead of his being cooped up in the utility room so much (he didn't get along with Colby either - and Colby needed to be in the bedroom with us due to his separation anxiety). So that will be a good thing for Jesse, and also for us to spend more time with Jesse. RIP, sweet Colby. You were a blessing to us since we adopted you as a 4-year-old on Feb. 26, 2002 (and especially to Heidi who you helped change from a "wild thing" to a calm and affectionate "furry daughter"). Love and kisses, your "mom"

The Winter That Never Ends

Well, I didn't intend to let several weeks go by again without posting here. I also would not have expected that when I finally posted again on March 9th, the hard winter we've gone through this season would still be continuing. Like Rex has often said, "I left Chicago to get away from this stuff!" The snow that fell Saturday night and again today didn't stick, but the fact that it did even snow (and came down hard for awhile there) and the lows are still in the low 20s, with spring only 12 days away on the calendar, has not been expected or welcomed, and has made this feel like the winter that never ends. We went to Daylight Savings Time yesterday, so I should be walking now in the evenings from the dock to the park n'ride, which I haven't been able to do since late Oct. due to the darkness, as well as walking from there to the dock in the mornings. But it's just been too darn cooooold! I imagine there will come a day this summer when it will get up around 90 (which thankfully is rare but does happen), and 20's with even a little snow will sound refreshing. But I am far from that point. I want SPRING!! At least we don't live in Snohomish County up north, where they got a few inches of the white stuff. And I do like that's it's light out now till after 7:00.

Several things have happened since I posted last. We received word that Rex's dear sister Val's husband Joe passed away on Jan. 28th at age 71. It wasn't a total shock, since we knew Joe had been battling cancer for several years. But I felt so badly for Val, who survived a heart attack last year, and who we couldn't afford to travel 2,000 miles to KY to be with her. I E-mailed her and told her I wanted to make her a Barbie angel and to please let me know what color hair and dress she'd like. At that time I'd made two angels for myself and a third that I'd decided to give Dianne for her birthday in Feb. Val said she would like a blonde with a blue dress. I'll eventually get pictures of all the Barbie angels placed on crochet page #4 on my site. But I'll go ahead and post Val and Dianne's angels here:


This is Val's angel. I was really pleased with how she turned out. Rex and I never knew Joe very well; he always kept to himself, really quite opposite of her. But they were married for a lot of years, so I know they had a great marriage.

The day after Joe died, we lost another of our sweet little guinea pigs, Meg. She was the one that, based on what I read online about agoutis (which was actually what she was; a South American relative of a guinea pig), I thought would outlive all the others. They are supposed to be much longer-lived than guinea pigs, but (if the age we were told when we adopted her was accurate), she was only 4. As with the other piggies we've lost suddenly in the past year, we don't know what went wrong. She was quite inactive compared to the other piggies, but we attributed that to her having a calmer nature and not to anything being wrong. So now we are down to six piggies, which thankfully all seem fine, including Meg's cagemate Rosie. I once again regret still not having gotten around to taking pictures of the piggies, even though I will never forget how each of them looked and acted, so I could share them on my "furballs 3" page on my site. I definitely need to do that before we lose any more.

Three of our four precious dogs are also fine. However, our Colby is beginning to show signs of aging. We know he is at least 11, since his estimated age was 4 when we adopted him 7 years ago (2/26/02) as a stray, and we also know he is very overweight. Lately, he has experienced stiffness in his back legs and sometimes gets stuck when trying to climb back up the three front steps to come back inside. We have to get behind him and lift his back legs slightly so that he can get up the steps. He also sometimes whimpers, which he didn't use to do, and we hope he's not in pain. We pray he doesn't wind up like Farley, who lost total usage of his back end when he was not yet 11 and we had to have him put to sleep. We're not ready to say goodbye to Colby yet.

Dianne and I had a great day together on Sat., Feb. 14th for her birthday. She wanted to go to Vashon Island, which she had never been to, but which I've seen 5 days a week since May '06 since, of course, I work there. But I figured it would be fun to go on a weekend and know I didn't have to rush back to the office, and it was. I told Dianne her timing was amazing, since the quilting store in town had just expanded and moved to the main business strip, and she has gotten into quilting the past couple years. So of course, we spent some time in that store and others, had a nice meal at the Green Ginger (my favorite restaurant on the island), and did some lovely sightseeing at Point Robinson lighthouse and Gold Beach. There is still much of the island we didn't get to see, so we will go back another time. Afterwards we went back to her home and crocheted, and she opened her presents from me which included a beautiful beaded evening bag I found on eBay (which she used for her birthday dinner with her family the next day) and the Barbie angel pictured below.

I now have also completed three angels for myself and started the fourth and what may be the final one. I have several other lovely Barbies to crochet for but will move on to other types of fancy outfits for them, including the bride I hope to complete later this year. I also want to crochet clothes for my 4 16 to 18" girl dolls and my newborn-size baby boy doll. I just acquired the 4th 18" girl doll; I found an imitation American Girl doll on eBay for a great price and she arrived today. She has red hair and is very pretty. I may take a break from the Barbies and create an outfit for her next.

In a long line of firsts at my new church (which I officially joined on Feb. 1st), I experienced my first Lenten service last Wednesday, and my first Ash Wednesday service the week before. I love going to a church where we observe Ash Wednesday, Lent and Advent. I continue to marvel at how beautiful and meaningful the Lutheran services are and how much they minister to me. I just wish Rex felt the same. It's still all a bit too different for him. I just donated 7 scarves and 4 hats to my church; the proceeds for the sales of any of them will go to the Relay for Life cause (cancer prevention). I will be walking in the wee small hours in this relay with a team from church. More on that when the time comes! Dianne and I are also supposed to be going on the trip to Long Beach, WA that we had to postpone last year, in mid-May, at which time I expect to be at my job three years. Hard to believe, after all those years of temp jobs, wrong jobs and layoffs. This job has been very stressful at times, but I like most of what I do there and it pays the bills (and it beats having to get up at 5:45 or earlier which I had to do for years - though I may still eventually need to do that again one day - but it's been nice to have a break from that schedule, especially with my insomnia getting worse in recent years. Speaking of which, it's 1:00 and I need to at least try to get some sleep now....).

White Christmases Are Overrated

I seem to recall that around last New Year's, I was writing a post I was almost done writing that suddenly vanished, and I had to sit and redo the whole thing. It just happened again. I was literally on the last few words of this post, which I decided to write from a Blogger "gadget" I put on my "My Google" page to save time, when for no reason, Google suddenly refreshed itself and my post was gone. I was just writing how I should go to bed, with it being a workday, but that as usual around midnight, I wasn't really sleepy. But now, with the prospect of writing this all over again, suddenly I am. But I may as well do this now, or I'll be laying in bed thinking about it and have to get up and do it anyway! (And this may go without saying, but I deleted the "handy" shortcut gadget.)

I started out by saying (at that time) Christmas Day was almost over, and though I hate to say it, it felt a lot like any other day off work, other than the fact that there were some nice Christmas music programs on tv last night. A big part of the reason for this was not being able to get to church for our Christmas Eve service, as well as the past two Sundays, as well as the caroling last Sunday (which was canceled) and the trimming of the church interior (which was not). This was because of a few storms which left over a foot of snow on the ground, the most since the "day after Christmas" storm of '96. Rex had to get me to the dock and back the past two weeks in his Jeep so I could get to work on the days that I did make it there since we both agree I couldn't take a chance on driving "Bianca" on the treacherous streets, even though it was really about all he could do to get himself to work. I took a snow day Monday the 22nd and again on Christmas Eve. I went in Tuesday and will need to go in today. Thankfully, the coming week will also be short, with 1-1/2 days off for New Year's. It will be hard after that to get back to 5-day work weeks. I only have 2-3/4 more vaca days till May 15 when they renew, but will get 5 more sick days after next week, in case I have a migraine or really need a "mental health" day or "not up to battling the elements" day. January is definitely my least favorite month, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that regard. But I keep reminding myself that though it won't be noticeable for some time, the days are getting the teeniest bit longer each day now, and NASCAR starts back up in only about seven more weeks!

I thought I would be alone at home for the second Christmas in a row, with Rex scheduled to work last Christmas and there being just enough snow that I didn't want to chance driving to his employer's Christmas dinner. But he wasn't scheduled to work today. So we spent the day hanging out at home, and in my case, finishing the cream-colored Barbie "Angel of Peace" outfit and selecting a dark-haired gal to permanently wear it. I stiffened the wings and halo with a mixture of clear craft glue and water, and as soon as they are stiff and dry, I'll glue them on and display her. I really enjoyed making the angel outfit and will be making more; there are five in the booklet. I started the second one with the matching slip that needs to go under each outfit, then I'll decide which style dress to go over it. This outfit will be made with Clea #10 variegated pastel thread. Who says angel dresses have to be white? We had cheeseburgers off the grill for supper; not Christmasy but tasty, and the doggies always enjoy them. I gave Rex the Cuisinart ice cream/yogurt/sorbet maker I got him, and he gave me a "Paris for Dummies" book. I also got myself some crochet patterns and purses off eBay with part of my Christmas bonus. I don't NEED more of either of those, but I love both, so..........

I think this is about all I said in the post that disappeared except that I hope and pray I can get to church this Sunday; I've really missed it. Rex and I did get there for the third and last beautiful Advent service of the season a week ago Wed., but other than that, it's been since Dec. 7. He's still going to the church we attended together since '01 and is not yet convinced to join me, though he's visited a few times, so I hope he will eventually come abroad. Well, six hours to time to arise for work, so I'll hit "publish" and hope for the best!

Heidi, Holidays, and Hookey

The fact that I realize I haven't posted to my blog for two months, despite the scare a month ago with our Heidi, is a clear indication of the extent of my brain overload caused by my job, which in turn caused me to take today off work despite this being a short week due to Thanksgiving. It's really not playing hookey; the H just fit in well for the title of the post! It's a mental health day to recover from a non-restful weekend. Usually I can recover mentally over a weekend from a crazy week at the job, but not this weekend. I drifted off in my recliner a few times both Sat. and Sun., despite desperately wanting to stay alert during the beautiful 1944 movie "Since You Went Away" and the terrific 10-hour History Channel special, "The States", featuring history and interesting facts on all 50 states, and I'd only caught two episodes several months before (and not enough room on the DVR to record them). I just didn't feel I could face another Monday. So I got up and dressed, but then went to Fred Meyer to pick up a few groceries and refill my Imitrex transaction, then I came home and am so glad to be here. I really needed this mental health day.

As for our Heidi, she is fine. But Rex and I were very alarmed to find a HUGE cyst on her right side back on October 18, under all that fur. We really only found it then since we noticed she was pulling hair out of her side. We expected to find some sort of abrasion. Of course, you go through all the thoughts of, PLEASE, God, let it be benign, and let us be able to borrow enough off our credit cards to afford to get her treated. So she went to the vet the following Mon. the 20th to get it biopsied, then, thank the Lord, we found out Wed. that it was benign. She had it removed on Thurs. the 23rd. The surgery went great, but the poor baby had a third of her fur shaved on that side and a long scar with stitches that had to stay in two weeks. Then she had to go back a few days later to have a bandage wrapped around her middle so she wouldn't pick at the stitches (which prompted Rex to call her "sausage dog"), then once more to have the bandage replaced, then actually two visits to remove the stitches since a few of them needed to stay in a few extra days. So it was several hundred dollars, but we didn't think twice. We love her SO much. I am SO thankful every day that Rex didn't listen to me in those first few months when Heidi had all this pent-up energy from living in a large cage from ages 2 till when we adopted her at age 4 in '02 and I told him she wasn't working out. I ended up growing closer to her than any other dog I've had or will probably ever have, maybe partly because I did go through so much with her, and I'm so very thankful to have more time with my girl -- who will turn 11 in a little over 2 weeks.

It's hard to believe Thanksgiving is almost here and the year is almost over. Rex will again have to work that day, as there will be more doggies in the kennel than on non-holidays and they need to be cared for. So our dinner will again be postponed to sometime over the weekend. I also am supposed to be getting together with Dianne over the weekend - was supposed to be Friday, but I remembered it's payday and the pesky problem of having to stop at the office to pick up my check, with no direct deposit (unless I have my boss deposit it, which I did when I went to Vegas). There are also some great-sounding Bette Davis and Joan Crawford movies on TCM Friday, most of which I've never seen. So I'll play it by ear....

I still haven't started ny next Barbie dress, yet another indication of how very tired I've felt. I was going to start it over the weekend, but instead decided to start my third "symbols only" doily using a pretty pastel variegated #10 Clea thread that looks like sherbet flavors; called "Floral Showpiece", which I'm now going to sit back and relax and work on for awhile. Hopefully the dress will be next.

Dusty, Vegas, Hotpads and Handbells

We lost another of our sweet guinea pigs on Fri., August 29. As with Ozzie, it was unexpected. Not quite as unexpected as Ozzie, as there was NO warning with Oz, while Dusty started becoming much less active and not eating much a week before. But it was a surprise that he got sick. He was one of the more active and curious piggies we'd had. He would stand and stretch along the side of his cage, looking all around at the slightest sound or movement. We don't know what happened. We started putting vitamins made for piggies in his water, but he died that evening about an hour after I came home from work. He was pretty; looked like an albino with pink eyes except he had a dark patch on his face. Considering we acquired him and his late cagemate Rusty after they were abandoned in a home with four other piggies that already had died, at least we were able to give these two a good home for their final months. RIP, Dusty....

Thankfully, this was the only dark moment of the first of two long weekends, the following Mon. being Labor Day. The following morning, my new pastor, Liz, came over to visit and met Rex and the critters. (He still hasn't been to my new church; he continues to be scheduled to work Sundays.) I spent most of the weekend the way I usually like to spend them -- at home with the doggies and piggies, watching TV and crocheting, and also making plans for the following weekend, my mini-vacation in Vegas! Hard to believe that now, it's already been two weeks ago, and the first day of fall is almost here.

I got up at 4:00 a.m. (yawn) on Friday the 5th, had Rex drop me at the dock to take the 5:00 ferry to West Seattle, and from there took the express bus to the airport, getting there in plenty of time for my 8:00 flight. There was no problem getting my steel crochet hook on board the plane either coming or going, so I was able to work on a lavender and green pineapple doily on each flight. We landed a little early, at 10:15-ish. I had already started spending the $100 my boss gave me for my bd at Sea-Tac Airport, buying a summery aqua necklace, and now at McCarran Airport, here was a store with rows of very cute watches for $10! Having just broken the bangle watch I loved days before, what great timing! After some deliberation, I picked a pretty lavender one with a "croco" strap and silvertone trim.

This was the first trip where I ever rented a car; I usually choose to walk and take buses on trips, but with the 105 degree heat, I saw little choice, and I got a fabulous deal from Alamo. They were out of compacts so I got to upgrade to a nice silver Pontiac G6, which I enjoyed driving (they offered a minivan at first, but I've never driven one and didn't feel ready to start now). Heading north toward my hotel and driving through the Strip, even without the neon lights, I was in awe and had to keep telling myself to watch where I was going and calm down. At Sahara, the cross street where I would turn left for the Palace Station Hotel, was a large, tacky, but fun gift shop called Bonanza, so I had to stop in there. Kitty corner from that shop was the NASCAR Cafe and Gift Shop, where I already knew I would stop. Looking at the ladies' tops for awhile, I decided on two -- a black NASCAR Cafe tank that would be great to wear for the next evening's activity (more on that soon) and a nice long-sleeve black and gray (with orange Home Depot trim, natch) Tony Stewart shirt that was half-price due to his not driving that car after this season (since he will be a team owner then).

It was still a bit early to check into the hotel, so I decided to have lunch and then drive around a bit. I looked for a restaurant called Hash House I found online where I'd decided to eat lunch, but couldn't find it. So I ended up eating at KFC, which still hit the spot. I somehow kept making wrong turns though I usually have a good sense of direction. I stumbled upon a mall with a Michael's and went there for a red Sugar N'Cream yarn for hotpads. They had my Bernat Berella yarn for the incredible price of $1.49 and I decided to buy some and have my friend Mary (who I'd be meeting the next day) ship it to me (which would still be cheaper than paying $15 to check a bag). I bought 6 soft forest, 5 forest, 10 rich pink, and the one remaining skein of soft heather (cream).

I headed for the Palace Station, deciding I would freshen up and then take their shuttle to the Strip. I knew it was an economy room, but being Vegas, I assumed it would still be nice and have at least the basic amenities I'd come to expect when traveling. What a disappointment! The room was tiny (the two double beds taking up most of it), very plain vanilla "decor", no bathtub (only a shower stall), no refrigerator, and the most stunning to me -- no coffeepot and fixings to make morning coffee! I've never stayed anywhere that didn't have that. Also, it was advertised as being 2 blocks from the Strip -- at least a mile would be more like it. I would never stay at this place again if I went back, and would advise anyone else not to....

I took the shuttle to the Strip. There was only one stop (or as I learned, sometimes two, according to their whim). I sat next to a delightful young woman visiting from Germany, who was pretty enough to be in a beauty pageant. I wish I'd taken her picture. I got off the shuttle and started walking. It was still waaaay too hot for me though the sun had gone down; I had to stop and get a bottle of water. Then I saw there was a $2 bus that went all the way down the Strip and I decided to take that, but it took forever to get there. I finally got most of the way down the Strip and decided to walk much of the way back. I walked through a few of the fancy malls in the prominent hotels -- the Miracle Mile Shops in Planet Hollywood was especially elegant and impressive. I took some pics of the neon lights of the Strip at night, and when I was almost done doing that, my danged camera battery ran out -- and I hadn't thought to bring the charger. I was surprised at how, at many intersections, the crosswalk is totally blocked off and to move forward, you HAVE to go up an escalator that leads into one of the famous hotels -- or you can turn and take the next escalator down, and it can be confusing. But I eventually made it back to the shuttle stop and returned to my plain little room to prepare for the next day -- my birthday!

I'd arranged to meet my E-mail friend Mary at Omelet House, another restaurant I found online (which offers a free bd meal if you bring a friend), at 8:00 a.m. I had probably the best omelet I ever had there, but it was beyond enormous. They must have used six eggs! I hated to waste half of it, but I had no choice since the danged hotel room had no fridge. Then Mary and I went to a yarn store she'd never been to. It turned out to be the typical small yarn store that caters almost exclusively to knitters, so neither of us were terribly impressed. Then we went to her home for a short while where I met her hubby, two of her sons, and her two cute dogs, Lady, a husky, and Coco, a chow puppy. We had a nice visit and it was fun meeting her after communicating online for quite some time. Her son took a pic (my battery having died) and I wish I could share it, but I look awful; my eyes are half-closed...

When I left her home, I drove around a bit, then I went to the hotel to shower and plan for the evening. After unwinding for awhile, I took the Strip shuttle and walked to Harrah's, where the shuttle bus was leaving at 5 p.m. for the Las Vegas Motor Speedway!! I'd decided a couple weeks before that rather than go to a show, I'd spend my last evening in Vegas touring the speedway and riding 3 laps at up to 165 mph in an exact replica of a real NASCAR! Each of us had to put on a fire-retardant suit like the drivers wear and a helmet, then wait our turn dressed like that in the 100 degree-plus heat. Needless to say, that part I could have done without. And it was over pretty fast. It was scary but fun! I guess I'm glad I did it. But for what they charge (plus an extra $35 for the pic of me in the car on a stone plaque), next time I go to a speedway, it will be to actually attend a race -- and in cooler temps! It did give me even more of an appreciation for what the drivers do. The hardest part was crawling in and out of that tiny window! Afterwards, we toured the garage and when I saw the exact replica of Tony Stewart's #20 Home Depot car, I lamented that my camera battery had died. So one of the ladies took my pic by the car and E-mailed it to me. It turned out OK, so I'll post it at the bottom of this paragraph. The bus dropped us back at Harrah's, and since I was required to wear closed shoes for the NASCAR ride, which weren't nearly as comfy as my sandals, rather than walking through the Strip some more, I found the shuttle and returned to my room. The shuttle nearly left without me; it stopped at a different spot than before and I had to yell and wave him down. Then the driver acted like I was supposed to know where he was stopping. This only added to my distaste for the Palace Station Hotel.

I purposely decided on a comparatively uneventful Sunday to conclude my trip. With my unlimited Alamo mileage, I decided to visit a Lutheran church on the far northwest side, which had its traditional service at 11:00. Before church, I went back to Omelet House for breakfast, but had French Toast this time. I took the "scenic route" to the church but still got there too early, so drove around some more. The service was a lot like those at my new church and I enjoyed it. Afterwards, I went back to the Michael's and retrieved the one skein of rich pink Berella yarn that had fallen out of my basket the other day (having given the other 21 to Mary to ship to me). I decided to gradually head to the outlet mall near the airport as my final stop even though my plane wasn't leaving till 7:27 p.m. I thought the mall would be on my right, then I saw the sign that it was ahead to the left. I thought, great, oh well, with this traffic, I don't feel like merging; I'll just head to the airport and hang out there. Then I saw another mall on my side of the road, Town Square, so decided to check that out. It was elegant, on manmade city "streets". I wanted to park and walk around despite the heat. But the parking spots were metered and I was almost out of change. I only had enough change for 12 minutes. I parked anyway but had to hurry back, being unable to think of something to buy quickly to get change. Then I couldn't find my way out of there; it was like a giant maze!! I finally found Las Vegas Blvd. heading south to the airport on the 4th or 5th try. I turned and thought, OK, I am dropping off this car, I've had enough of driving in this town! THEN came the sign, rental car return here, wrong side of road again!! O.....KAY..... I'll get to the next intersection, turn left and turn back around. I went to turn there -- and there was the outlet mall!! So I got to see it anyway. Then I went to the car return, then hung out at the airport for a few hours. I took the express bus to the ferry and got home at 12:15-ish. It was nice to not have to rush right off to bed and know I had the next day off to rest at home. Ironically, "Viva Las Vegas" was on tv, so I watched that. It was made in '64 and it was interesting to see how the Strip has changed since then.

Since returning home, I've mostly been working on CD hotpads. As I write this. I've made 16 so far. I'd thought about trying patterns for them for a long time, and had been saving free software and other free advertising CDs for that purpose. I have a couple dozen more of those CDs somewhere that I haven't found so far, but have about 2 dozen on hand to use, and the others may surface occasionally. The pattern I'm using is online, called Cluster CD Hotpad. I really enjoy making them and they will be nice to have on hand for exchanges, small gifts, or church fundraising. Once I use up the CDs I have on hand, I expect to start another Barbie dress, called Miss Holly, in dark rose, cream and hunter green.

The last part of the title of this post relates to this past Wednesday. I went to choir practice for the first time at my new church. The others were glad to see me, and the two sons we practiced were beautiful. It went very well and I really felt I fit in and was glad I went. After practice, Myrna asked me if I wanted to try handbells. Well, yes, actually, I've never gotten to play them and did want to try. Well.....I learned it's not for me. It's definitely harder than I thought and I just don't think I have the knack for it. The bells are heavy and there is a certain technique to how you have to move your arm to get the correct tone, and then there's the timing issue of knowing exactly WHEN to ring your bell, otherwise the chord could sound all wrong. I know everything takes practice. But I honestly didn't enjoy it. I hope that tomorrow, I can just tell her NO and not be made to feel guilty. Like Clint Eastwood would say, "A man (woman)'s got to know his (her) limitations!"

Finally....I didn't expect anything else from work for my birthday after Chris gave me the $100. But I was also given (from all the staff) a $40 gift cert for yarnmarket.com (Rex teased that was like giving my dad a gift cert for a tavern; I used it to buy several colors of Berrocco "Touche" yarn, which I haven't used but it seems like it will be very similar to Knit Picks Shine which I love for face or dish cloths) and we had a pizza party and chocolate bd cake on Wednesday. Between the pizza and the pretzels I'd eaten the previous two days, I got a bad migraine the next day and had to leave work at 1:30. So now my sick pay for the year is almost gone -- which would be OK if I could only control my eating! I know what certain foods will do to me when I overeat them but I do it anyway. Well, this is all that's fit to print for now!

Tired of Being Tired

It's just a little over two weeks before my birthday mini-trip to Vegas -- an air/hotel package I booked in April and would not have booked if I'd used my brain and thought about what the weather would be in late summer. It seems like they've had highs in the 100s literally since May. I'm not sure how the people who live there can stand it, regardless of whether it's "dry heat". I've continued to wonder how I, who can barely endure 85 degrees, will be able to stand it and avoid heatstroke. I generally like to take buses to neighborhoods and then walk through those neighborhoods when I visit cities. Realizing a few weeks ago that the unending heat would not permit me to do that, I began searching online each day for the best rental car deal possible. I finally found one no one could touch - a compact car from Alamo which, counting the online coupon, will cost me $40.18 for the entire 3 days (not for each day). The only additional cost will be replenishing the gas I use, but I'll just stay in the city so I won't use a lot. I have my city maps and points of interest, and it will be fun to zip around in a little air-conditioned car and will give me a lot more freedom as to what I will be able to see and do. I think I am still getting together with my E-mail friend Mary on Day Two (my bday), though I'm waiting to hear back from her as to where and what time we should meet.

So, I expect to have fun and am looking forward to this little getaway. At the same time. I am very discouraged about my weight, which absolutely WAS going to be OFF for months till now and instead is there, all extra 40 pounds in all its *glory", ruining my appearance, self-image and probably my health, and all because I can't control my cravings for pretzels, pasta, cereal and CARBS in general. God knows I need His intervention; I can't do this alone, and I continue to feel His help has just not been forthcoming. I also have continued to feel even more fatigued than usual, and more trouble getting any sleep each night, than has been the case. I still do the morning mile and a half walk from the park n'ride to the ferry dock five days a week, and I sometimes try to do the same walk in the evening after work (with the temp being warmer. the terrain uphill, and my brain mentally exhausted from 8 hours of shifting gears every few minutes at my crazy job). But more often than not lately, I just don't feel I have the strength (and am dragging like an old woman on days I do try it) and have to pay the van fare to my car, which is up to $1.50, which adds up. I bought some liquid vitamins I hoped would help my stamina, but so far they haven't. I also tried bee pollen granules and was taking them about a week and a half, a tablespoonful each night, when last Thursday I got a monster migraine that even my Imitrex couldn't help, complete with nausea, and I haven't had one of those for quite some time. It was so bad that I was forced to take a sick day Friday. While I don't know for 100% that the bee pollen caused this, it's the only thing I've ingested that's different from usual, and I also recalled that I proved sensitive to honey when I was drinking it in hot water in '03. It's discouraging to spend my limited income on something that I trust will help me and instead it backfires on me. I pray God will have mercy on me and give me the strength to do whatever the heck it is I need to in order to lose this disgusting weight, get some sleep and have some energy. I was supposed to go to Vegas looking like a fox (for my age) and instead I still look and feel like a middle-aged, fat, tired FRUMP. I can't believe that a year after I resolved to get to my goal weight, here I remain, a mere 17 pounds from my all-time high weight. God, PLEASE help me...............

I was just rereading my last post. I ended up not having that knitting lesson with Beverly; she had to cancel, and I still haven't and don't know when or if I will. I still think it would be nice to know the basics, but I also still honestly don't know that I would even enjoy doing it all that much, and when I adore crocheting as much as I do, does it even make sense to spend time trying to get into a craft that forces one to coordinate at least two needles (instead of one hook), is much more of a hassle to rip out if you need to, and would therefore not be very relaxing? Hypothetical question! I'm almost finished with the Dotted Delight beaded Barbie outfit which I chose to make in cream thread with multi pastel beads and a pink collar and trim, instead of white with red beads and trim as pictured. This Sat. when I get together with Dianne, I'll pick up the three tiny snaps, three tiny pink ribbon roses, and 1/8" wooden dowel (for her parasol) that I need to finish it. Tonight I started a light blue scarf for my crochet exchange partner Stephanie, who sent me a nice dark green knit scarf and was also kind enough to send me the size I lighted crochet hook I wanted. I'm also working on a charity or gift baby ghan in confetti (white with speckles) Cottontots in the "Sand Dollar" pattern (join as you go hexagon post stitch motifs; fun to make and elegant). We had a rare rainstorm today and I wondered if our power would go off and cause me to try it out sooner rather than later. But thankfully that didn't happen, and it is supposed to clear up by Sat. I've also continued to attend and enjoy the Lutheran church for the past 7 Sundays. Rex hasn't been there yet as he's had to work every Sun. Amazingly, no one from the church we attended the past 7 years has bothered to contact us to find out where we are. So that speaks volumes and makes it easier to make the change. Well, being after midnight, I'll wrap up for now and once again TRY to get enough sleep to function the next two workdays at the level that I need and want to, but which lately has eluded me.....

Second Half....

I didn't intend to take this long to post in my blog. Here it is, already the second half of the year, and here I am, at the same fat weight and totally disgusted with myself. I thought about going back to the TOPS chapter I'd attended for about 6 months. But the meetings are on Monday evenings, and Mondays continue to be stressful for me as it is without having to cut back on my food and not get home till 8:00 p.m. It's the busiest day at a job that I guess is working out in that I've been there over two years now, but which I continue to not be passionate about and wonder, at my age, if I will ever have a job I can truly enjoy instead of just existing during the week and living for the weekend - and then feeling lonely and without purpose over the weekend. At least that's how I felt this past Saturday. Then I went to my new church the next day and felt rejuvenated, at least for awhile. More on that soon.

Now it's after midnight, having just turned to Tuesday, and I again feel drained. But one of my favorite programs, the 90's crime series Homicide (on the cable network "Sleuth") again didn't record on its earlier telecast today; this has been happening a lot and I don't know why. So I'll stay up and listen to it while I type this. I won't sleep anyway if I do go to bed....But getting back to TOPS, there is a chapter closer to our home that I belonged to several years ago, and I discovered they meet on Thursdays (I don't think that used to be the case). So I'm thinking about going this Thurs. I have to do something; it's ridiculous that I still weigh the same, with the total determination I had (and still have) to lose the weight the first half of this year, and considering that I walk 3 to 4 miles most weekdays.

Before I get off the topic of TV programs, another of my very favorites is "Monk". As always, I was excited about the new season starting last Fri., even though the "season" is ridiculously short -- only 6 or 7 episodes, then wait another 4-5 months. I saw the coming attractions about Monk getting a new psychiatrist and was surprised that Stanley Kamel, the man who played Dr. Kroger, was either written off or resigned. Just before the new episode debuted, curiosity got the better of me and I searched Google to see why Dr. Kroger was replaced. I was stunned to learn that Stanley/Dr. Kroger had died of a heart attack over 3 months ago! I, who is on the Internet every day as well as keeping up with televised news, had not heard anything about this. What a shame; he was only 65. I can't understand why this was not publicized more than it was. It's scary as well as sobering to hear things like this happening to people who seemed fine who are not that much older than my husband - or not that much older than me, as with newsman Tim Russert. It really is a reminder to not let life get you down as it often has for me, since you truly just never know. At least Stanley got to bring a lot of people enjoyment, and I assume to experience much himself, through this supporting but integral character on a great TV show the last few years of his life. RIP, Dr. Kroger........

Dianne and I didn't get to take our weekend to Long Beach due to the declining health of her parents. That was disappointing; we were looking forward to it. She had a really cute little cabin reserved, and we would have been able to bring 2 of her 3 tiny dogs. But we plan a day trip to Centralia this Sat. I'll go to her place Friday after work and stay there so we can get an early start. Before going to her place, I'll be meeting with Beverly, owner of our local crochet group, for (I can't believe I'm doing this) a knitting lesson. Yes, the "k" word. It pains me to even type it. I guess I want to either prove to myself once and for all that I don't want to knit and won't think about it any more (and will continue to wonder why it usually gets so much more attention than my beloved crocheting), or there will be the outside chance that I could pick it up with someone actually showing me (as opposed to a book or video) since, after all, that's how I learned to crochet almost 29 years ago. I still might not like it. I keep hearing what a hassle it is to rip out and redo if you do make a mistake - and there is the need to coordinate two (or more) needles instead of one hook. Just doesn't seem that relaxing to me - and I feel crochet is every bit as versatile. But I'm going to try once more - and the third time will either be the charm or the third strike. We shall see!

Last time I went to Dianne's home, with some Bernat Satin yarn and an afghan pattern I'd been anxious to try, I came to a sober realization re my favorite lovely soft and shiny yarn. Namely, that it lacks what Dianne wisely referred to as the "body" to be effectively used for the particular pattern I had in mind. I realized this would be the case for other patterns I like also, and that this is why Bernat Berella ad worked so well for other afghans I've made. It does definitely have body and yet has a nice degree of softness. It also comes in a lot more colors than the Satin. So I will be going back to Berella as my afghan yarn of choice (or Patons Canadiana, which is very similar but tends to cost more). I used my supply of Satin to make two ghans - a cream, sage and burgundy spiderweb pattern ghan for my household and a navy/burgundy/beige star-shaped lapghan which will be a gift for someone I can't yet name (or it wouldn't be a surprise!). Prior to making these ghans, I whipped up a "pineapple swirls" Barbie gown of lavender #10 Cebelia. Now I've just started a "Dotted Delight" Barbie ensemble, which will include a hat and parasol in addition to the pretty beaded dress. The dress will be cream #10 Opera thread with pink #10 Opera trim, and the beads are pastel in five shades of blues and pinks. I started stringing the beads onto the thread this evening (that is, last evening!). Inbetween these projects, I made 18 dishcloths/face cloths for one of my charity lists, using a good-sized supply of Knit Picks Shine sport yarn from eBay (my favorite yarn for dish/face cloths, shiny and a dream to work with).

At the beginning of this post, I referred to my new church. I've attended there the past three Sundays. Rex has not yet been there, as he is back to working Sundays for now. It's a tricky situation, changing churches when you've gone to your previous church for over 7 years (and a couple years before that in the 90's), and are the webmaster and creator of the church's web site, and had been rotating on the worship team, and most of all, when you are so fond of the pastor and his wife, and a few other people at the church. I hope to continue to be friends with them and they won't take it personally. But I just wasn't being spiritually fed by singing the same 20 or so of what Rex calls "jingles on a screen", sometimes one "special music" song, a sermon, a closing song, a strictly symbolic communion once a month, sitting in the library (Rex is the librarian) till everyone left, and going home. I've increasingly felt the need for something deeper and more traditional and structured, something where I could feel I was participating more in the service, being able to observe the liturgical year. I feel I've found all this in a small Lutheran church where we sing the old hymns, recite the Lord's Prayer and the Apostles' Creed, observe communion every week, and during greeting time (well into the service) instead of saying "hi", we say "Peace be with you!" I've left feeling fed and hungry for more, and that is something I haven't experienced at church for a long time. No one from the church we are members of has inquired yet as to where we are, but I expect that soon, I'll have to explain all this to Pastor Jim, and that will be hard. I think he will understand; other people have left in recent months, but it's still a tricky situation. But it's what I feel I need to do. I'll know better if this is right once Pastor Liz comes over in a few weeks and meets with both of us (yeah, a lady pastor - a first for me) but I do see myself (and hopefully Rex) eventually joining this church. Well, as usual, it's past my bedtime!