Monday, July 21, 2008

Second Half....

I didn't intend to take this long to post in my blog. Here it is, already the second half of the year, and here I am, at the same fat weight and totally disgusted with myself. I thought about going back to the TOPS chapter I'd attended for about 6 months. But the meetings are on Monday evenings, and Mondays continue to be stressful for me as it is without having to cut back on my food and not get home till 8:00 p.m. It's the busiest day at a job that I guess is working out in that I've been there over two years now, but which I continue to not be passionate about and wonder, at my age, if I will ever have a job I can truly enjoy instead of just existing during the week and living for the weekend - and then feeling lonely and without purpose over the weekend. At least that's how I felt this past Saturday. Then I went to my new church the next day and felt rejuvenated, at least for awhile. More on that soon.

Now it's after midnight, having just turned to Tuesday, and I again feel drained. But one of my favorite programs, the 90's crime series Homicide (on the cable network "Sleuth") again didn't record on its earlier telecast today; this has been happening a lot and I don't know why. So I'll stay up and listen to it while I type this. I won't sleep anyway if I do go to bed....But getting back to TOPS, there is a chapter closer to our home that I belonged to several years ago, and I discovered they meet on Thursdays (I don't think that used to be the case). So I'm thinking about going this Thurs. I have to do something; it's ridiculous that I still weigh the same, with the total determination I had (and still have) to lose the weight the first half of this year, and considering that I walk 3 to 4 miles most weekdays.

Before I get off the topic of TV programs, another of my very favorites is "Monk". As always, I was excited about the new season starting last Fri., even though the "season" is ridiculously short -- only 6 or 7 episodes, then wait another 4-5 months. I saw the coming attractions about Monk getting a new psychiatrist and was surprised that Stanley Kamel, the man who played Dr. Kroger, was either written off or resigned. Just before the new episode debuted, curiosity got the better of me and I searched Google to see why Dr. Kroger was replaced. I was stunned to learn that Stanley/Dr. Kroger had died of a heart attack over 3 months ago! I, who is on the Internet every day as well as keeping up with televised news, had not heard anything about this. What a shame; he was only 65. I can't understand why this was not publicized more than it was. It's scary as well as sobering to hear things like this happening to people who seemed fine who are not that much older than my husband - or not that much older than me, as with newsman Tim Russert. It really is a reminder to not let life get you down as it often has for me, since you truly just never know. At least Stanley got to bring a lot of people enjoyment, and I assume to experience much himself, through this supporting but integral character on a great TV show the last few years of his life. RIP, Dr. Kroger........

Dianne and I didn't get to take our weekend to Long Beach due to the declining health of her parents. That was disappointing; we were looking forward to it. She had a really cute little cabin reserved, and we would have been able to bring 2 of her 3 tiny dogs. But we plan a day trip to Centralia this Sat. I'll go to her place Friday after work and stay there so we can get an early start. Before going to her place, I'll be meeting with Beverly, owner of our local crochet group, for (I can't believe I'm doing this) a knitting lesson. Yes, the "k" word. It pains me to even type it. I guess I want to either prove to myself once and for all that I don't want to knit and won't think about it any more (and will continue to wonder why it usually gets so much more attention than my beloved crocheting), or there will be the outside chance that I could pick it up with someone actually showing me (as opposed to a book or video) since, after all, that's how I learned to crochet almost 29 years ago. I still might not like it. I keep hearing what a hassle it is to rip out and redo if you do make a mistake - and there is the need to coordinate two (or more) needles instead of one hook. Just doesn't seem that relaxing to me - and I feel crochet is every bit as versatile. But I'm going to try once more - and the third time will either be the charm or the third strike. We shall see!

Last time I went to Dianne's home, with some Bernat Satin yarn and an afghan pattern I'd been anxious to try, I came to a sober realization re my favorite lovely soft and shiny yarn. Namely, that it lacks what Dianne wisely referred to as the "body" to be effectively used for the particular pattern I had in mind. I realized this would be the case for other patterns I like also, and that this is why Bernat Berella ad worked so well for other afghans I've made. It does definitely have body and yet has a nice degree of softness. It also comes in a lot more colors than the Satin. So I will be going back to Berella as my afghan yarn of choice (or Patons Canadiana, which is very similar but tends to cost more). I used my supply of Satin to make two ghans - a cream, sage and burgundy spiderweb pattern ghan for my household and a navy/burgundy/beige star-shaped lapghan which will be a gift for someone I can't yet name (or it wouldn't be a surprise!). Prior to making these ghans, I whipped up a "pineapple swirls" Barbie gown of lavender #10 Cebelia. Now I've just started a "Dotted Delight" Barbie ensemble, which will include a hat and parasol in addition to the pretty beaded dress. The dress will be cream #10 Opera thread with pink #10 Opera trim, and the beads are pastel in five shades of blues and pinks. I started stringing the beads onto the thread this evening (that is, last evening!). Inbetween these projects, I made 18 dishcloths/face cloths for one of my charity lists, using a good-sized supply of Knit Picks Shine sport yarn from eBay (my favorite yarn for dish/face cloths, shiny and a dream to work with).

At the beginning of this post, I referred to my new church. I've attended there the past three Sundays. Rex has not yet been there, as he is back to working Sundays for now. It's a tricky situation, changing churches when you've gone to your previous church for over 7 years (and a couple years before that in the 90's), and are the webmaster and creator of the church's web site, and had been rotating on the worship team, and most of all, when you are so fond of the pastor and his wife, and a few other people at the church. I hope to continue to be friends with them and they won't take it personally. But I just wasn't being spiritually fed by singing the same 20 or so of what Rex calls "jingles on a screen", sometimes one "special music" song, a sermon, a closing song, a strictly symbolic communion once a month, sitting in the library (Rex is the librarian) till everyone left, and going home. I've increasingly felt the need for something deeper and more traditional and structured, something where I could feel I was participating more in the service, being able to observe the liturgical year. I feel I've found all this in a small Lutheran church where we sing the old hymns, recite the Lord's Prayer and the Apostles' Creed, observe communion every week, and during greeting time (well into the service) instead of saying "hi", we say "Peace be with you!" I've left feeling fed and hungry for more, and that is something I haven't experienced at church for a long time. No one from the church we are members of has inquired yet as to where we are, but I expect that soon, I'll have to explain all this to Pastor Jim, and that will be hard. I think he will understand; other people have left in recent months, but it's still a tricky situation. But it's what I feel I need to do. I'll know better if this is right once Pastor Liz comes over in a few weeks and meets with both of us (yeah, a lady pastor - a first for me) but I do see myself (and hopefully Rex) eventually joining this church. Well, as usual, it's past my bedtime!