Sunday, June 3, 2012

Unmet Expectations; Farewell to Pinky

Following the migraine and the severe icestorm that started out the year in January (and having lost almost 5 pounds toward my goal in spite of those stresses), once again things have reversed themselves in my previous "stronger-than-ever" resolve to achieve my weight goal THIS year once and for all. 5 months into the new year, despite posting my intentions on Facebook for accountability, I find myself 2.2 pounds heavier than I was on January 1st. Granted, this is not a lot, the way I have been (over)eating, including having polished off a SIX-pound Costco bag of my favorite craved (addicted to) snack in 10 days. But that is not the point. I have again passed a number on the scale I vowed I would NEVER see again. Why, when I know that giving in to my carb addiction is sapping what little energy I have, making me continue to feel/look like a cow and ultimately shortening my life? It's not an excuse, but with this being a true addiction, and the constant stress 24/7 between my unmanageable workload at a job I feel trapped at and coming home to the disrepair and spouse's hoarding that never changes, my choice has been to give in to the immediate comfort the excess carbs provide. I am not willing yet to give up, to say this will never change. There are 7 months left in the year and while it's highly unlikely I could still make my goal weight this year, I can make progress toward it. Whether I will remains the $64,000 question.

This is not meant to be an excuse for all the things I should do and don't, but I caught a bad cold in early March which resulted in 2 more sick days from work, then caught bronchitis in early April which resulted in one more sick day. So I had already depleted most of my sick days for the year just over a quarter of the way into the year. Thankfully -- and this IS a very good thing -- my 30+ year problem with migraines has been much more manageable so far this year. I have not had a truly bad one, the type that results in vomiting and knife-like pain for 2-3 days, since the one in January. My migraines got a lot worse last year, including two very ill-timed severe episodes that caused me to miss Dianne's dad's memorial service and ruined my vacation to Portland and Salem. So I pray this respite will continue. I'm debating whether to visit Portland again later this year for my birthday since I didn't get to enjoy last year's trip very much. I DO look forward to the one-day guided bus trip Dianne and I have planned a few weeks from now to the San Juan Islands. As relatively close as it is, I haven't visited there since the 80s. A great advantage of living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest is, if you don't have the money and time to travel far (which I don't), one can have scenic, fun and diverse getaways without venturing far. The weather has usually been great so far this spring (highs in the 60s and 70s, without much rain) so we pray that will remain the case for our trip.

I need to give a belated mini-tribute to Pinky, our pretty white albino guinea pig who passed away in the wee small hours of April 21st. We got to enjoy Pinky longer than any of our other piggies. We adopted her in Sept. 2006. We don't know what her age was at the time, but since it's said piggies live about 7 years, it appears Pinky had a pretty normal lifespan. She was a quiet but very sweet critter who loved carrots and gave us a lot of pleasure during the 5-1/2 years she was part of our household. So now we are down to three special piggies -- my precious purring, singing athlete Connor and the two pretty tortoiseshell cagemates, Patches and Pudding. We love them very much and pray we will be able to enjoy them for many more years! The doggies are all doing fine -- including Jesse, 9, who continues to amaze us with his great attitude and energy following having had his left eye removed due to cancer last fall.

I updated my crochet blog at on Memorial Day with pics and info about my latest projects, including the two cardigan sweaters (for myself and sister-in-law Val) that I spent much time grappling with crochet patterns that weren't written well and ultimately decided to make both without a pattern. They both turned out well, and it's nice to now be working on another of my fancy Barbies for my collection. I had also continued to be active on Listia, sort of a bartering version on eBay, selling crochet patterns and books and other items to gain points I then used for more patterns, purses and jewelry. I'm now taking a little break from Listia, since there is currently nothing else I need (except a new bod...). I MAY consider offering some items I've crocheted with the goal of ultimately gaining enough points for a smartphone. But I'll take the summer off and revisit that idea later in the year.

I've continued to attend and enjoy my church that it took me so long to find, despite the services still being a bit contemporary for me, and plan to become more involved there. The assistant pastor may be visiting soon and helping with a game plan to remedy things we need help with at home (especially the storm damage to our great room ceiling from back in '09 and the washer and dryer that have still never been hooked up since there is no room in our utility room) and hubby's extreme clutter compulsion....hopefully sooner rather than later since this has continued to be a major stressor for me. I missed church again today due to oversleeping and also missed last Tuesday's small group again due to the brain overload from my workload at my job (despite help from assistants, it still feels out of control). I need to try to get to my Tuesday group this week since I think we are only meeting for a few more weeks till the summer break. So....the year has not been awful but I'm disillusioned with myself and hope to have more encouraging news to report next time re the various daily battles I grapple with.