Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave!

The title of this post doesn't refer to its usual meaning concerning the results of lying, but rather, the tangled (World Wide) web that has resulted from all the broken links for various reasons -- including people not maintaining their web sites till they are suspended by the web host (which I was even temporarily guilty of for a few months), and web hosts changing hands and then sometimes disappearing, the biggest example of which was GeoCities. I miss GeoCities! When the Internet was young in the late 90's, they were extremely popular, and with good reason. Thousands of us truly enjoyed the concept of picking out a "house number" on a cyber street for the "neighborhood" that suited the theme of our site. Yes, the URLs were ridiculously long as a result, but I don't think anyone really cared.

When Yahoo took over GeoCities a couple of years ago, the cyber streets went away and were replaced by the site owner's Yahoo name. I thought that was kind of sad even though the URLs were much shorter. Then Yahoo closed GeoCities with little warning late last year. Thousands of people who still had their web sites on GeoCities never saw this coming and didn't know how or just didn't want to bother moving their sites. I realize this now more than ever, now that I have finally been trying to update my info on several web rings my site has belonged to (web rings, of course, being groupings of like-minded sites). Many of these web ring pages were on GeoCities and no longer exist; I click on them and get an error message. It's really sad; I hate to think how much worthwhile web content was lost. I don't know why Yahoo even bothered to buy GeoCities in the first place. Yahoo has some good points, like their YahooGroups lists, but it's really a shame that they killed GeoCities and left countless broken links and disheartened former site owners.

Another bad thing Yahoo did was to buy webring.org. I believe they no longer own that site, which seems to still be the largest web ring provider. But for me and many others, part of the fun of joining or creating rings is the pretty, unique graphics used for each ring. When Yahoo bought webring.org, those graphics became plain generic boxes, and that's how they remain. Ringsurf, the provider of the three rings I still own and most of those I joined, has also gone downhill. They give zero response to questions or comments E-mailed to them and now request a 1,000 character minimum description for each ring you join, which is ridiculous and explained why no new members have joined my rings. I'll leave the three rings I own there for now, but may eventually close them, with web rings seeming to be fading from the Net. Bravenet and JLYM (a Christian ring provider) appear to be the best providers remaining, but they too have a dwindling number of rings that seem to still be active (ans many with broken links where ring home pages once were, that more often than not were GeoCities pages).

I'm doing some very overdue general updating this weekend on my site, The Evergreen Refuge -- this updating being so overdue that I didn't even realize my beautiful site was offline for a few months when I totally forgot to renew my account with my web host (having changed my E-mail address so I didn't receive the bill, and circumstances such as my precious dog Heidi's sudden death numbing my brain late last year). A lady on one of my online lists asked me this week if I'd considered designing web sites for other people to earn extra money. I told her I have considered that, and used to often mention my willingness to do so, but didn't get customers. But it also occurs to me that a lot of people are not longer seeking to create multi-section sites such as mine. Blogs seem to be the method of choice now for the majority of those who want a web site. They are simpler and pretty much accomplish the same purpose. I hope the day won't come when I decide to close The Evergreen Refuge and replace it with this blog. But I may eventually remove sections such as the web rings, awards and banners, which used to generate interest and traffic but probably don't any more.

I had actually started researching the web rings, and the updating I needed to do, a couple of weeks ago. But I really didn't have a chance to tear myself away from the DVR till this weekend, and it's the fault of Dianne's dear mom, Margaret. When she came on a drive with us to the Chehalis area several weeks ago, we were talking about tv shows and she asked if I watched NCIS. I told her I never had but after we continued to talk awhile, I told her I would check it out, and I did. Well......I''ll just say that though I do still really like Criminal Minds, NCIS makes it (and any other crime show) pale by comparison. I can't say enough about the cast and their interaction, the plots, the humor....I never imagined a forensic scientist who is a goth and a crusty elderly British medical examiner could be so endearing! So I "only" had about 150 episodes to catch up on. I guess I've seen most of them now since there are no "new to me" episodes for a few days (going through withdrawal here). I'm even going to try to download the theme song as the ringtone for my phone (though it takes forever to download anything to the little dinosaur of a phone I currently have....).

As far as crocheting is concerned, I haven't started another Barbie yet since having completed the multi-train violet and rose concoction. I want to make a Ken doll's outfit next; he'll be a companion to the Barbie in the sage and peach gown, and I need some brown crochet thread for his slacks. In the meantime, I made a couple of outfits for the darling 5" Itty Bitty Babies -- a "Sunday Meeting" dress, panties, shoes and hat in dark rose with pink trim, and a boy's baseball uniform in light blue with dark blue. I used #10 Opera thread for both. Dianne got me two more of the little baby dolls as part of my early birthday present, so I'll likely be making outfits for them next. I've also made a few more baby items with Red Heart Baby Soft (in the pretty pastel Angel Print) and in Bernat Cottontots, including a diagonal brick stitch multicolored baby ghan for which I used most of my small amounts of remaining Cottontots. Then it occured to me that Cottontots would work beautifully for baby bibs. I found a few bib patterns online that look nice, so that will be another small project I will try soon. Part of next weekend will be spent photographing my latest crochet projects, since I certainly have enough now for a 6th crochet page, maybe even a 7th!

Six Things I Am Trying to Wrap My Brain Around

1. Susie, our newest doggie, has already been with us for 6-1/2 months. She has settled in well and is a lot of fun. She is 21-1/2 months old now. I've wanted to get some more recent good pics of her, but when she sees me with the camera, I get a blank stare as if to say, "Mommy, what are you doing with that box in front of your face?" But I'll keep trying.

2. Even though Susie has been with us 6-1/2 months now, as of this writing I still don't have my web site, The Evergreen Refuge, updated with info about her. I need to rectify that soon. In fact, I haven't updated my site at all for awhile. I attribute the reason for this to our DVR and how easy it is to scroll through two weeks of TV listings and record stuff off the travel, food, medical and crime channels -- along with my favorite network show, Criminal Minds (though at this point, I think I have seen almost all of the back episodes). I definitely watch too much TV -- and stay up too late watching it. The only DVR we have is in a separate room from the only computer we have -- so when I am watching programs on the DVR, I can't use the computer at the same time.

3. The Evergreen Refuge has been in existence over 12 years now! It has undergone many design improvements and additional sections over the years. I'm pleased with the look and number of sections at this point, though I will continue to update it when time permits (possibly this weekend), especially the pet, crochet, and interests sections.

4. I am writing this on a rare day off from work. I have Monday off as well. I had planned, starting today and going through Sunday evening, to take a mini-trip to Portland, a city I love and have not gotten back to since 2005. I had the hotel, Amtrak reservation and rental car in place, and mapped out how I planned to spend my time each day. I was really looking forward to it, especially since I haven't had any out-of-state getaways since Vegas in Sept. '08. Then last Saturday, I learned something that, after much consideration, caused me to very reluctantly decide to cancel my trip. I won't go into the circumstances on this public blog. Those I am regularly in touch with know about it, and I appreciate their prayers and concern. I feel things will work out in the end, but given the present circumstances, I decided it would be wise to not plan trips beyond a local overnighter for awhile. Though I am disappointed, it is really nice to have a day off work to just be at home alone with the pets and unwind.

5. It took awhile, but a few weeks ago I finished my 2nd most elaborate Barbie gown, a Paradise pattern called "A Mother's Love", featuring a multi-layered ruffled train, a fitted striped jacket and a large feathered and ribboned hat. (She's pictured in pink with white stripes, but I made her in wood violet with tea rose stripes, in my beloved discontinued #10 Opera thread; these two colors look beautiful together.) I'll get her photographed and added to my crochet pages on my site soon. So now I only have room left in my large glass cabinet for just 4 more Barbies (or maybe 3 Barbies and a Ken)! After that, I'll occasionally make a fancy Barbie for a gift. But I'm gradually shifting more to making clothes for larger dolls and for real babies for charity or gifts.

After I finish this blog entry, I will go back to sitting in front of the DVR for awhile and finishing a pink Cottonots mini-blankie in brick stitch that my newly acquired baby girl doll I found on eBay will sit on. I felt she would make a good companion for my baby boy doll that I had crocheted the pretty blue outfit for. I crocheted the girl a pretty little dress, booties and bonnet out of the same wonderful Australian baby layette booklet that the boy's outfit came from, which is the nicest baby layette pattern booklet I've ever come across. However, my very next project will be a blue Cottontots afghan (likely in Mayfair stitch, which I use a lot as it is relaxing and versatile) for my boss' mom, who mentioned she wants to buy another one from me - yay!

6. After going back and forth in my mind countless times since May of last year, at this point I am 99% sure I've finally decided that I am going to join the Methodist church I've attended at least a dozen times since late last year. I came close to joining at Easter but just wasn't ready yet. I visited a few other churches again, including the one I left over a year ago. In the end, I feel this particular Methodist church is where I belong at this time, though in my heart, I still wish I could join an LCMS (Lutheran Church Missouri Synod) church. But the closest one is 11 miles away, struggling to stay afloat and most of the congregation is quite elderly (I love elderly people but feel more comfortable with a variety of ages). The only other LCMS option is 18 miles away and would require much highway driving, which would be a hardship in the winter and a hassle otherwise. The UMC church is a bit more contemporary than I prefer (the praise choruses in the middle of the service are nicely done but are just not my thing) but the rest of the service is pretty traditional, and I really like the pastor and people. It is also a place I feel Rex would enjoy if he ever got a Sunday off work to come with me (the Lutheran church was a bit formal for him, though I loved it). It's a relief to have finally made a decision on this very important piece of my life!

Collin, Insomnia, Criminal Minds, and Church

This past weekend was a long-awaited weekend away with Dianne, the highlight of which was something we hadn't done since December 2001. We saw Collin Raye in concert. It's so hard for me to comprehend that it's been this long, as obsessed as I was with the man and his music for 3 years, beginning in the summer of '98. He's remained my favorite singer and likely always will be, but I think I overcompensated for having been SO crazy obsessed as I had been. I had been aware of Collin and his music since his first singles in 1991, always did enjoy his music, but -- in '98, going through a hard time between two years of temping and another big problem I won't go into here, I heard the song "I Can Still Feel You', and it was like the intensity and heart he put into it hit me like a ton of bricks. As I began to accumulate his CDs, see his concerts, and correspond about him endlessly with other "Internet Collinators", it was like the proverbial snowball rolling down a hill, and I "Collinated" other people every chance I got, including my dear friend Dianne. (I'm sure God continues to wish my faith in Him was great enough to talk about Him to others half as much as I did about Collin Raye back then!). Continuing to learn about his great faith in God and his many humanitarian efforts only added to my obsession. I didn't think a solidly middle-aged married woman could be a groupie. But when said woman maxes out her Visa to travel 2,000 miles (in Dec. '99) with her Internet pals to meet the man, I guess that would be one definition of a groupie.

My fervor began to cool in late '01 when I tried desperately to get Dianne backstage to meet Collin and was denied by his management. I'd already managed to meet him twice, due to sheer will and desire to make it happen, but there was to be no third time. We saw him in concert (from lousy seats) in Tacoma in Dec. '01 (it was Dianne's third concert but approximately my 11th; I've lost count). Around that same time, the radio stations stopped playing his new singles and there were record label problems. I lost touch with the other "Internet Collinators" and stopped spending time on his web site. I would occasionally visit his site (usually when Dianne would tell me she heard he had a new CD coming out) but those visits became less and less frequent. I never stopped enjoying his music or appreciating him as a person, but the admittedly unhealthy obsession had faded.

Last fall, Dianne E-mailed me at work and said she heard Collin would be doing a concert in Bellingham, two hours north of us. I suddenly thought, wouldn't that be fun - it's been too long! And I'd wanted to visit Bellingham last fall and didn't go due to the rain. AND - what if I went online right then - maybe I could snag great seats! So I did. And I got us......FRONT ROW!! (My second front row and Dianne's first.) The tickets waited patiently in my top desk drawer for the next several months. But I still didn't make much of an effort to keep up with Collin's latest CDs or what was going on in his life these past 8+ years.

Last Saturday finally came. The concert began with a great opening set by the 90s group "Restless Heart". They were really excellent! I'd forgotten how much I had enjoyed their music. After a half-hour intermission, Collin's band came out -- all four were different people than his earlier concerts. And then, there he was, in a gray shirt and black pants (and a black baseball cap -- we thought, WHAT is up with that?). He opened with an upbeat song I'd never heard. He did many of his big songs from the 90s -- nowhere near all of them; there wasn't ehough time, but most of his big "signature" songs. He included a few newer ones - a beautiful song about prayer ("What I Need"), a fantastic version of the Steely Dan hit "Do It Again", and for his encore, he did the Joe Walsh rocker, "Rocky Mountain Way".

He did a fabulous job as always and his voice sounded better than ever, if possible. He joked with the audience as to why he wore the baseball cap -- he briefly lifted it to show not much hair left and added, "Collin's not as young as he used to be!" (Hey, join the club!) -- and about "That's My Story" being his "Achy Breaky Heart" that he HAS to include. But he also seemed -- Dianne called it "reflective", and he seemed to cut the concert a little bit shorter in the past. Today, I was stunned to find out why.

I went to Collin's site at lunchtime to try to find more info on his latest CDs, and a link there led me to the news that his first granddaughter, Haley, age 9, had just passed away of a brain disorder on April 3. I can't believe he could come out and put on the show that he did only two weeks after this tremendous loss. Many performers would have canceled the show. But as I've discovered countless times in the past and know now even more than ever, Collin Raye is not "many performers". He honestly is in a class by himself, not just as a passionate and enormously talented artist, but as a strong and dedicated Christian and family man. Most of the so-called country artists that have come out in the past few years don't begin to hold a candle to him as a singer, writer, performer -- and person. I feel so guilty now for not keeping up with him these past several years. I didn't even know his dear granddaughter had a brain disorder since age 2, or that he has a second granddaughter, age 5 (who thankfully is doing well). Yes, I did go overboard in the previous decade with my Collin obsession, but I need to start doing a better job of keeping up with his music and his life. He truly is one of a kind, and he and his dear daughter (Haley's mom) are in my prayers. I thank God for Collin Raye, and for his great gift of music and performing that he shares so unselflessly with the world -- even only two weeks after experiencing such a devastating loss.

I continue to experience Insomnia most every night, to live my life sleep-deprived and to stay up too late. Dianne and I couldn't sleep in the hotel room the night after seeing Collin, for different reasons. She has pain every day and night from her fibromyalgia and I have headaches and stress from my excess weight, job stress, Rex's hoarding and our "paycheck to paycheck" existence that makes me feel I never will be able to retire. I think we both finally got about two hours sleep. Now I have another reason to be a nightowl with chronic insomnia. I've missed "Monk" since it went off the air. I then found "Cold Case", but I think I now have seen most all of the reruns on cable. Two weeks ago, I discovered "Criminal Minds". After about the third episode, I realized I was hooked. It's on three different networks anywhere from one to six times, 6 days a week. There have been about 100 episodes, so it will take awhile to catch up. I'll get to see a couple a night off the DVR on weeknights, but am looking forward to this weekend -- I'll probably have enough saved up for a two-day marathon!

Last time I posted, I felt I had finally made a decision on a church. Now I again am not so sure. The Maundy Thursday service at the Methodist church caused me to realize how much I miss the Lutheran church. The regular services at that church really are a bit more contemporary than I think I can commit to long-term. I don't know if there are any other churches here in town with services that are to my taste but that aren't ELCA or that aren't overly dry or overly contemporary or simplistic. I am enriched by the liturgical services, but if not done properly, they can be dry. I miss my previous church that I attended in '09, but I won't be going back. I've ruled out finding a church in Bremerton, realizing how much I dislike having to drive up the highway, and also realizing that it's the opposite direction from most everything else in my life. There are two more churches in Gig Harbor I may consider; I need to learn more about them first. And finally, there is the LCMS church that sounded like it was on the verge of closing when I last visited in Jan. I should see what is happening there. SIGH -- I just hope that when I finally find the right place, I will KNOW it and will have a fruitful experience there for years to come.....

Jacob, Michael, Chickens and Church

This post, for a change, is not going to be sad, for the most part. A week ago Saturday, Dianne and I drove out to the Mount Vernon area, 2 hours each way, to meet what we hoped would be her new family member at a Chihuahua rescue organization that had approved her for adoption. They had an "open house" for people to meet the doggies, but she was the only one who was approved. The weather was perfect and our hopes were high. There were about a dozen of the little critters separated into two collapsible cages. I waited in the car for a moment with Java while she got an initial look at them. She brought one over to the car for me to meet who I instantly recognized from his Petfinder page as Michael, a sweet 6-year-old tri-color long coat whose only flaw was that he had no teeth (since the previous owner either didn't or couldn't get him the attention he needed to prevent this). He captured both of us instantly, and I prayed that even if Dianne decided on another doggie, she would feel led to take little Michael as well.

Another little dog she looked forward to seeing was named Caleb at her suggestion; he was white, shorthaired, and less than two years old. She felt attracted to him, but he didn't seem to have the personality or the compatibility with Java that we would have preferred. Still, he was strongly in the running for her since she liked the idea of a younger dog who would be playful like Josh was. She visited with most of the other little dogs but seemed to be mainly torn between Caleb and Michael. As she stood with her back to the cage that contained mostly tan shorthaired Chi's, all or most of which we thought we had visited with, Dianne felt a swat on the back of her leg. She turned around and saw a little face looking up at her as if to say, "Hey, lady, what about me? Look at ME!" She asked, "Who is this?" and was told his name was Jack. The reason we had not remembered seeing his Petfinder profile was that he was marked as "No kids" since he had once bitten a child. The rep went on to explain it was a case where a woman who had kids (which the doggie had no incidents with) moved in with a boyfriend with kids, and one of the boyfriend's kids were harassing the little dog (to which we both thought, well, we would bite in that case too, and also, she should have kept the kids and dumped the boyfriend, ha). She picked up Jack and he seemed to lean into her. He was so sweet and gentle, and he also seemed to interact well with Java. So now, she was torn. She felt so drawn to both Jack and Michael. She had totally intended to adopt just one dog. But how could she leave one of them behind? She finally decided, to my delight, to adopt both. As she explained, she (we) had chosen Michael, but Jack had chosen her.

We brought all three doggies back to her home and were alarmed that evening when Dianne first held both Jack (who she has renamed Jacob) and Michael - and Jacob, who weighs 6 pounds and is 20 months old, went after Michael, who only weighs 4 pounds and is 6 years old, besides not having teeth. Dianne gave Jacob a good talking to in which she emphasized this would NOT be tolerated and that she is the queen mother, while Java (who is age 12 and weighs 12 pounds) is queen, and the two boys are princes. Jacob looked up at her so earnestly as if he understood every word, and then he hung his little head. So this confirmed that he is not only very smart but that he wants to do the right thing. There have been no such problems since, though she still keeps Jacob in his crate at night while Michael and Java sleep on the bed with her, which I think is wise till everyone gets more acclimated. Both little boys are crate trained and Jacob is OK with sleeping in his crate.

On the way to the rescue place, I asked Dianne, "What do you suppose Rex brought home last night?" She said, "Not another dog!" Nope, we have all the doggies we can handle for now! After a few guesses, I said, "Four baby chickens!" As with many of the critters he has rescued over the years, I had no warning about this and initially, I was not pleased, due tothe lack of warning and the additional time this would take from his needed clutter control. He explained that his boss at the dog kennel recalled he had mentioned about six months ago (she has a good memory) that it would be nice to have chickens so we could have fresh eggs, and gave him these four baby chickens from a friend of hers. Each one was a different color and one was a little larger than the others. He had an extra guinea pig cage they could be kept in for about a month, at which time he would put them in an outdoor coop. The guinea pig shavings worked for them, and he got chicken feed plus feed and water containers for their cage. He even got a heat lamp that shines over them 24/7 to approximate their mother's body. So he's taken excellent care of them. In spite of that, the largest chick died after only about 6 days. We don't know what went wrong, but he instantly cleaned the entire cage in hopes the remaining chicks would not get infected. So far, they have been fine. We won't know for awhile if they are boys or girls. It would be nice if we end up with 2 hens for eggs plus one rooster!

The day before Rex brought home the chickens, I thought earlier that day that I had finally made the difficult decision about what church to commit to, after going back and forth for months, and still having either doctrinal or distance issues with the remaining churches I was considering. I decided to go to the evening Lenten service that day (a week ago Thursday) at the traditional Presbyterian church that was too far away (14 miles) but that I felt I loved enough that I could overlook the distance. I had not been back for several weeks but felt I finally would know what to do after I went to the Lenten service. But something happened that evening, concerningwith both the doctrine and distance. I heard something at the service I won't go into but that just didn't set right with me. And the drive back in the evening reminded me how much I dislike driving up the highway at night, even in nice weather. I suddenly realized that though I am not ready to join the Methodist church in my town just yet, that I will continue attending there and will probably join later this year. Last Sunday seemed to reinforce my decision, with a Sunday school class that was small but very friendly and enjoyable, and services that (while lacking some of the liturgical elements I'd grown used to) include enough hymns and traditional elements to suit me, in addition to being a place I think hubby would enjoy if he ever gets more than a rare Sunday off. While I still need to check out the choir (I had too tiring of a work week to get there this past week), I feel I finally have decided, and this is a relief.

Since I now have a large garbage pail size bag of baby ghans and outfits to donate to charity, I may go back to Barbie gowns soon. First I need to make a mini table topper with Opera #10 thread for an exchange on Swap-bot. Also, it's nice to again be able to do my mile and a quarter walk to and from the park n'ride most weekdays now that Daylight Savings is here. I was sure this would start making at least a small difference in my continued lack of weight loss, but I still have lost virtually no weight, so that is discouraging to say the least. But I am still not willing to give up the foods I enjoy; I need the stress relief after a long workday. So -- as in all the previous recent years, nothing in this area is changing and I'm starting to believe it never will. I don't want to believe I am destined to remain 40-45 pounds overweight, but what else can I believe after years of this nonsense? Please God, let something finally happen to prove me wrong. I can't stand looking and feeling like this, and I can't stand hoping year after year that it can finally change but never does.

Chica-matic

The recent trend of posting when something sad happens unfortunately continues. Dianne mentioned in her E-mail of Monday the 1st that her darling senior Pomeranian, Chica (or Chica-matic, as we sometimes called her), was at the vet's experiencing heart failure and that her vet was determining a plan of action for Chica's remaining weeks or months. I E-mailed her back to tell Chica to hang in there, that Auntie Teri loves her and wants to see her again this Sat. (for our belated celebration of Dianne's birthday in Feb., postponed twice for various reasons). I didn't hear back from Dianne the next day, which could have meant she simply had the day off and didn't mention it, and yet somehow, I had a feeling in my bones what was coming next. The next morning, her E-mail began with, "Chica is now romping with Ricky and Josh. She passed yesterday".

I knew this sweet, docile girl was getting on in years; after all, I was with Dianne when we found her near Dianne's home in '94. She was young then, but still, that made her at least 17 this year (doesn't seem possible). I've literally known Chica more years than I've known any other dog, including my own, so she was special to me. She went deaf several years ago, but we think that may be what made her so calm and mellow. She was just a sweet, quiet littie fluffball who I usually chose to walk when I stayed overnight with Dianne - and of course, she was the mom of precious little Josh who died in Oct. So this is something else my dear friend and I have in common -- she lost 2 beloved dogs (including her favorite) in a span of 5 months, and I lost 2 beloved dogs (including my favorite) in the span of 8 months. It's been strange enough my past few visits not having Josh jump up on the couch with his toy for me to throw, and now, not having my girlfriend Chica to walk was reaaaally strange. Dianne does plan to adopt a little boy soon to keep Josh company. She has an application in to a shelter about 2 hours north of her town that has several cute Chihuahuas advertised on Petfinder. There is one in particular she hopes to adopt, and she feels she'll get him if it was meant to be -- or if not, she'll have the furball God intends for her. I still don't understand the timing of when God took my Heidi, but I have to accept it and be thankful for the years I had with her. I still sometimes wonder if Susie really is the dog God intended Rex and me to adopt, though she is fun and we do love her. I really just wish doggies lived longer. I can't imagine life without them.

Dianne and I went shopping (as usual) on Saturday; we brought Java so she wouldn't be home alone, and she was a good girl. Our last stop was the Joann's in Puyallup, and I fell in love with a beautiful silky polyester fabric -- white with red, pink and gray flowers, on sale for 30% off. I commented how I would love to have a blouse made of that fabric. Before we left, I decided I had to buy enough to make a blouse, even though I still haven't even cut out the pieces for that purse I bought the fabric for in July, and even though I still haven't tried out the basic Brother sewing machine I bought with part of my Christmas bonus. Dianne, who is into quilting, said I'll have to bring over my new machine and my fabrics in the near future, and we'll have a sewing weekend. Crocheting is SO much more portable, but I can't crochet myself a blouse using this fabric! Speaking of crocheting, I'm still working on charity (or gift) baby items, but I'll get back to making more Barbie gowns later this year.

I went to the Methodist church again Sunday, and met briefly with the pastor along with 4 other people who are considering joining. I'm supposed to meet with him again next Sun. or the Sun. after, with the option of joining Easter Sunday. Part of me is ready and part of me is not. I do like this particular church and need to commit to one after all these months of indecision. Maybe I'll have a clearer idea of what to do next Sun. - or not (and I also may check out their choir practice this week, if I'm not too brain-dead from my crazy job). I need to go to bed now -- hoped to start walking to and from the park n'ride today now that the days are finally long enough to do it safely, but hubby still needs to use my car since his is still leaking. My middle name -- wait!!

The Uncertainty of Life

I didn't realize I hadn't posted at all yet in 2010, though I thought many times about doing it. It seems like lately, there's been something sad to post about, such as Dianne's beloved little dog Josh passing, and then my darling Heidi unexpectedly passing. And of course, one hears every day on the news about someone dying tragically and you feel badly about it. Usually it is not someone you know; someone you've always remembered with great fondness even though you haven't seen them for many years. But this time, it was.

This past Monday the 22nd, Rex sent a news link to my E-mail about a Chicago police sergeant dying in a traffic accident. I thought, well, that's sad, but why is he telling me this? Then I opened the link and it was all I could do to not gasp aloud at my desk at work when I read the officer's name. It was Alan Haymaker, who we knew as "Pastor Al" when he was the assistant pastor at the church we'd attended for years in the 80's in Chicago. Not long before we moved to Washington in '90, we were surprised to learn that Al had decided to change careers and become a police officer. But it was what he felt called by God to do. It was what his dad and his granddad did.

We kept in touch with Al and his wife Elaine via annual Christmas cards and newsletters for several years, but as those living 2,000 miles apart often do, we eventually lost touch. But I would sometimes think about him and his kindness to me when he attended my dad's funeral in '86. It was no surprise to read, in the article about the accident, how he had similarly affected everyone who had the privilege to know him, and how great his faith in Christ remained. Very early Monday morning, he was responding to a burglary call when his car lost control on an icy road and slammed into a pole and then a tree. It still doesn't seem real -- and like Dianne told me, it's hard to understand why God didn't intervene and protect him. There is no doubt that Al was a strong Christian who was ready to meet his Lord. I just wish the Lord would have given him many more years on this earth. I've requested prayer for Elaine and their three daughters, aged 16 to 25, and will continue to pray God will wrap His arms around them and give them His peace that passes all understanding.

Reading how much everyone loved and respected Al, and how great his faith was, made me think that even though it seems so untimely (he was 56), we would all wish to leave that type of a legacy, to have that glowing of an obit written about us when the time comes. And here I am, still not having committed to the right church where I can try to serve Him even one-tenth as well as Al did (though I do now definitely have the search narrowed down and am closer to making that decision). Here I am, staying up way, way too late watching the Winter Olympics (at least they are only on for 2 weeks every 4 years!), then not getting enough sleep and not being able to concentrate at my job. And here I am, continuing to snack on carbs and having lost a measly 5.2 pounds all year (which is better than nothing, but is still almost nothing) instead of treating my body like the temple it is. No one is guaranteed tomorrow, and the loss of this dear man is another solemn reminder of that. He, his family and friends would have never imagined as they left church that Sunday, that in a matter of hours, he would be gone. It's a reminder to appreciate every day; to be thankful to wake up every day instead of saying, "Ewwww, it's dark, rainy and I gotta go to work". Al didn't do that. He did what he felt God was leading him to do and lived each day to the fullest.

Concerning other, much smaller losses, we lost another of our guinea pigs a few days ago - the pretty little female tortoiseshell we called Zoey, who was Joey's mom. We knew she was getting older and though she had remained active, she was getting thin, so we wondered. So now we are down to seven piggies, which is actually plenty. They all seem to be thriving and we are enjoying them all, especially little Connor, who amuses us with his jogging around his plastic igloo in his cage and the way he sings (chirps) softly when I hold him. Our newest doggie, Susie, is doing well, though I often feel she thinks she is Rex's dog, since he is home with her more than I am (especially last month when he got virtually no working hours at the kennel; thankfully, he is getting some now). She is very cute and fun, and I've started to call her "drama queen" for the way she carries on when we put her in her crate when she knows we are around. She doesn't understand it's necessary to protect her from Archie when we let him out of the bedroom. We continue to need to keep him separated from her and from Jesse. But Jesse quickly grew to accept Susie and we are able to leave him out in the main part of the house with her. He has turned out to become my special dog now that Heidi is not here; he lays by my recliner most evenings and leans against me to be petted. I think Susie will eventually feel closer to me also; Rex keeps reminding me how long it took to get there with Heidi.

After the big bridal party project, I felt like taking a little break from the Barbie gowns and have been crocheting baby items, which will eventually be used for charity or gifts, and will eventually be pictured on The Evergreen Refuge's crochet section. I'm sure there is more I've forgotten to write, but as it's past my bedtime as usual, I'll save the rest for next time.

Made It Through This Strange Year

Well, I can officially say in about an hour and 45 minutes that I made it through this strange year. In our 2009 Christmas formletter, I tried to put a positive spin on the year in that Rex and I (in this rough economy) still have our same jobs, and we've now been in our very long-awaited house for 2-1/2 years. But in many respects, I say good riddance to 2009 and pray that the coming clean slate will be a lot less stressful. The stress was in three main areas: 1) having lost two of our beloved dogs - Colby in March and the very unexpected and devastating loss of Heidi on Nov. 21st; 2) my job, and that's all I'll say about that for now, 3) my still-undecided church situation. Now, more than ever, I need to get that part of my life settled.

I thought in early November that after trying several churches and still feeling torn in different directions, that I would return to the small Lutheran church I'd attended for almost a year, joined in Feb. despite serious reservations about ELCA positions, but left in May. The congregation did vote to initiate the process to leave the ELCA, but this will require two more votes 90 days apart, the first being two Sundays from now. But the congregation remains divided, and with the other stresses in my life, I need a church with a peaceful atmosphere. I also need sound doctrine that follows God's Word, a sense of belonging and ministries I can get involved in, and preferably close enough to not inhibit the latter. The church where my heart is, is 14 miles away and in the opposite direction from everything else in my life -- Dianne, shopping, and towns where I would anticipate living in the future. I'm told there are some folks in the congregation in my area, so maybe there would be carpool opportunities. The pastor is wonderful and has always made time for me any time I've wanted to talk to him. There is one other church I'm considering that I've attended twice and liked very much, and is half the distance. I hope to have a clear idea of what to do once I attend Sunday school there for the first time this Sunday and finally meet with the pastor. Neither church is Lutheran (the further one is Presbyterian, the closer one is Methodist); I hoped to find an LCMS Lutheran church and have visited two, one 11 miles away, the other 18 miles away in that opposite direction and too far to consider. The other church is tiny and doesn't have a choir or enough ministry opportunities. Maybe I will join an LCMS church in the future, but for now, it seems I'll be changing denominations....

As far as the pet situation, I still miss Heidi every day and still can't believe I'm not getting to start the new year with her. But we've had little Susie over 3 weeks now and she's settled in well, and we've grown to love her. We hoped that she and the two big boys would be buddies, and I think Jesse was willing, but she growls at both of them when she sees them, and one evening Jesse took that the wrong way and started to go after her. So we're keeping them all separated for now. If I was Cesar Millan (the "Dog Whisperer"), I could resolve this. But I'm not, even though I watch his shows regularly and admire him greatly. Hopefully the "squirt" (she still seems so tiny compared to what we're used to) will get used to them and not feel inclined to growl. Other than that, she is such a sweetie. Below is the pic of her I'd found on petfinder.com. I learned that despite her small size, she is actually 1/4 Great Pyrenees. But the other 3/4 is Border Collie, and that's the size she is. I did want to have a smaller dog I could walk much more easily; I just didn't expect this is how I would get one (adopting a dog advertised as part Great Pyrenees and finding she's 1/4th to 1/3rd the size of one!).

On the plus side, I got a lot of crochet projects completed in '09, including some baby items that I'm waiting to find just the right charity for, and several more Barbies including my first bride and her wedding party (pics will be posted on my upcoming crochet page 6 on evergreenrefuge.org sometime in 2010). My last project was a 2nd Barbie angel for Dianne that was part of her Christmas present (we had Christmas together last Sat. the 26th). I was a bit delayed completing the angel due to the bad cold I had earlier in Dec. and it just occurred to me I didn't have time to get her photographed before wrapping her. I'll have to remember to bring my camera next time I visit Dianne and get her photographed. I'm pretty sure Dianne is likewise saying good riddance to 2009. It was a stressful year for her as well -- losing her much-loved Josh in October (6 weeks before we lost Heidi), job stress, and both her parents ailing. I pray 2010 will also be much better for her.

I don't especially believe in making resolutions, but I need to start anew my decades-old quest to lose weight (before it affects my heart and it becomes too late), control my "comfort eating", and get on my stair stepper every day (especially this time of year when it's too dark out in the evening from Nov. to Feb. to walk from the dock to the park n'ride on weekdays and I have to get rides from Rex or my neighbor instead). I also need to make every effort to go to bed at a more reasonable hour on weekdays in order to get more sleep and be able to cope and concentrate better at work (and not be tempted to stay up all night on weekends - at least, not often). Well, the Mountain Time Zone will ring in 2010 in a few minutes and an hour thereafter, we will be next. It's already here for most of the world. January is my least favorite month (especially the first week with all the holidays over and the days are still too short to realize they are starting to get longer) but at least it's over with first as well as symbolizing the clean slate I very much need in many ways. God willing, I will have a very upbeat report to post a year from now. Happy New Year!

A Bittersweet December 9th

This has been far from the December 9th I would have anticipated a few weeks ago. Instead of celebrating my Heidi's milestone 12th birthday with her, I am instead observing the 18th day without her. I also have been sick with a very bad cold, cough and fever since last Saturday. I dragged myself into work Monday due to the enormous workload and urgent deadlines I still have despite the new assistants they hired. By the time I ended the chaotic workday, I also had nausea and a headache and, as discovered that evening, a 101 fever. It had only gone down to 100.5 the next morning, but even if it had not, I knew I would be in no shape to go into the office. I would need to use my final sick day of the year, most of the rest having been used by medical, dental and vet visits. I still was at 100.2 this morning and decided it would be premature to go in. Hopefully I can use one of my so-called vacation days to cover today.

I also felt it would be good to be here to welcome our tentative new family member. We decided to adopt Susie, a Great Pyrenees/Border Collie mix I'd found on petfinder.com in the Olympia area. Because Rex brought her home after dark, and because she is so timid (this having been what I believe is her fourth living environment in her short life, and the first of those having not been good), he is postponing the "meet and greet" with Archie and Jesse till tomorrow. We are praying the boys will be nice to her. She is a cute girl but is younger, smaller and much more timid than we anticipated. We were told she is friendly, affectionate, about two years old and 50 pounds. She is actually 15 months old (born Sept. 8, 2008), 43 lbs. (seems so tiny compared to the dogs we are used to having around) and spent the evening laying by the front door, only venturing to other parts of our home when led by us with a leash. She will spend the night with me in the bedroom while Rex stays in the great room with Archie (and Jesse stays in the utility room as usual), so hopefully that will go OK. I also hope the rest of the work week will go OK; I still have this stupid cough but can't take any more time off. I'd better end this for now and join little Susie in the bedroom. I know we will need to give her a little time to get used to us and to the new environment (and her two new would-be big "stepbrothers"); we should know before too long if it will work out. I understand her foster family would have kept her if we hadn't adopted her, so either way, she will have a home with someone who cares for her.

The Heidi-Shaped Hole in my Heart

This is a post that I never imagined I would be writing at this time. What I did expect to write, on or about December 9th, is a post I had already decided to call, "A Milestone for Heidi". It would be written on my warm, wild, weird, woolly and wonderful Heidi's 12th birthday -- a milestone our former oldest giant dog, Tessa, fell 18 days short of reaching. It never entered my mind, with my frisky girl's only sign of old age being some stiff leg joints, that this is a milestone that God would likewise, inexplicibly, deny her as well, also 18 days short.

3 days ago, on Wed. the 18th, I'd left work early for a dental appointment and got home around 4:30. About an hour later, Heidi pawed at the pantry door -- her way of telling me she wanted some dog biscuits. I grabbed a few and put them by the dogs' bowls as usual. As Heidi went to retrieve one (she never did like to take one out of my hand), she slipped on the kitchen floor, as she did occasionally. But this time she couldn't stand back up. That had happened twice before, and we'd pushed her to the rug to get traction. But she still couldn't get back up. I was sure she would after a short while. When she still couldn't, I waited for Rex to get home and help her up, since I couldn't lift her. But she still couldn't keep her legs under her and would flop back down.

I began to panic, as this started to look like what happened when Colby's rear end had shut down 7 months earlier. I slept (or tried to) in my recliner the next two nights to be near her. She also had lost interest in eating or drinking water, and she was not peeing or pooping. Rex made an appointment with our vet for 2:30 yesterday, and I left work early to be with my girl in case this was as serious as it seemed. In the meantime, a coworker gave me hope that maybe it was just a bad case of arthritis and that a shot of cortisone could get her moving again. I then decided I would fight against Heidi getting that other kind of (final) shot unless our vet could confirm there was absolutely no hope. What he did say was he felt there was a small chance the pills could work, and I said I had to take that small chance. So we returned home with Heidi and the pills.

That night, she was her alert self and tried to fight Rex shoving the pills down her throat. She still was not eating, drinking, peeing or pooping. But she scooted on the rug to change her position till she was next to my recliner. She did a modified version of the usual swatting of my arm -- she slapped her paw on the rug to tell me she wanted to keep being petted. So of course, I did. I realize now that she was already fading and was using the strength she had left to say goodbye to her mommy and thank me for bringing her home and giving us one last night together. I didn't see it at the time; I still refused to believe she wouldn't recover. I also began squirting water or chicken broth in her mouth every couple hours with a turkey baster to get some liquid into her.

Today, she seemed to become less alert as the day wore on, and she mostly stayed in the same position. By the time Rex came home from work, she hardly fought him giving her the pills. Shortly after that, her breathing became labored for the next few hours, and stopped at about 9:45 p.m. I am writing this two hours later, and it doesn't seem real. We never saw this coming and I am left with a huge Heidi-shaped hole in my heart. After a rocky beginning when we adopted her in January '02 at age 4, she had become so very dear to me. I can't believe she won't be here to celebrate her 12th birthday, or even for Thanksgiving turkey. I am indeed thankful for 7 years, 10 months and 4 days with this wonderful girl and am thankful it happened at home with many hugs given throughout this sad day. Instead of a needle at the vet's office yesterday, we gambled that the pills would make her well and we lost. We only got to have an additional day and 7 hours with her. Mommy loves and misses you so very much, my "Swatgirl". I will love and miss you always.

A Fond Farewell.....and Hello Again......

As has often been the case, I've been meaning to post this week, and it took something drastic to finally get me to do so. The fond farewell is for a tiny, special little fellow who, in a way, was my tiniest "nephew". Joshua Richard, age 10-1/2, the much-loved 4 lb. Chihuahua/Pomeranian cherished by my dearest friend Dianne, left this world at about 3:30 a.m. on Tues., Oct. 6, his wee heart losing the battle of its apparently congenital failure. I don't think it's quite sunk in yet that I will no longer, at least on this earth, be able to play fetch and tug-of-war with my little pal next time I visit Dianne's home. It never occurred to me, even though she'd had to start force-feeding him a few weeks ago following an emergency vet visit where his dormant condition was diagnosed, that my last visit a couple Saturdays ago was the last time I'd see the "pocket pooch". Since this is a loss for me as well, I can only imagine what my sweet friend is going through. I gave my Heidi extra hugs and kisses tonight from little Josh, and also cuddled a couple of our guinea pigs. Josh was such a lively, lovable fellow and I know we hoped and expected we would get to enjoy him for many more years (his dad Ricky lived to age 18; his mom Chica is 16 or 17). I'll never forget all the times I played fetch with him and how amazingly strong his little jaws were as he hung on to his toy while I pretended to struggle to claim it. I would have had to pull really hard, which of course I wouldn't. I wish I could be there to comfort Dianne, to do more than pray and ask those on my online lists to pray (though of course, that is important), instead of being tied to my crazy job where I'm pulled in so many different directions lately that it's hard to see straight. Dianne, not wanting to think about going home today to not be greeted by her "little man", mentioned the desire to go on a sleigh ride with me this December in Leavenworth (a Bavarian-themed village a few hours away), which sounds really good right about now. Chica's health is also failing and her dad is in frail condition, and all this is really wearing on her. She's having one of those months like I had in July 2004 when, all in the same month, our dog Tessa died, I got stitches in my wrist and a broken finger from an accidental bite from my dog Jesse, we learned my mother-in-law was terminally ill, and I was laid off (from a job I hated, but even so....). Things do get better, but it never feels that way at the time. ANYWAY....sleep tight, tiny angel boy -- and if there is a doggie heaven, your mom and auntie will again have a chance to play fetch and tug-of-war with you.........

One good thing that happened today, literally one of the most hectic days I've had at my hectic job, was when a few minutes before I went home, our two new office assistants (who have been doing a great job) surprised me with a Whitman's Sampler box of candy, a Thriftway gift card and a sweet thank-you card for my help in training them. Having gotten negative feedback not long ago from my bosses for what they perceive as not dealing with phone customers as I should and letting an occasional detail of literally hundreds a day fall through the cracks, I don't think these gals know how much their gesture means to me, to know someone there actually does value and appreciate me.

The "hello again" has to do with an unexpected decision I made regarding my church situation. I'd left a church I absolutely loved at the end of May due to disagreements with its governing body, the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA). Though my church was/is traditional as ELCA churches go and I doubt many members agree with the ELCA on many issues, I decided I could no longer in good conscience remain in an ELCA churches. During the next four months, I visited 6 churches, 3 of them non-ELCA Lutheran, as far as 18 miles away, anywhere from one to four times. The only church that attracted me as much as the one I left was PCUSA Presbyterian, which I would have as much difference with as I do with the ELCA, and it was twice the distance. So that wouldn't make much sense. A couple weeks ago, I thought I'd made the decision to commit to an LCMS Lutheran church 11 miles away, though it's small and has no choir. But the following Sunday, I began to doubt that decision too. I laid awake half that night and realized I'd never stopped thinking about the church I left and how many of the people felt like family. I also thought about seeing one of the members on the ferry the week before and learning about 60% of the congregation had voted in opposition to the recent ELCA rulings on certain issues, and that there would be another big vote later this month to determine whether our congregation would decide to initiate action to leave the ELCA. So I knew that my four-month search would lead me back to the place where I know I belong. I returned there this past Sunday and know it was the right decision. But it's sad to know that the next vote two Sundays from now will likely result in a split of our church. The other two ELCA churches in town are experiencing the same thing. So it could be that one of our churches could eventually become LCMS and many of us will end up there -- or many of us will start our own LCMS church. Whatever happens, it's encouraging to know that the majority of the people in this church that I love are of like mind on these issues, and whatever building we end up worshipping at in the coming months, we will be together. I will post here again following the crucial vote 11 days from now.

As for the wonderful world of crochet, I've been back to making Barbie gowns. I made a jewel-toned variegated blue/fuchsia/plum gown for my Asian Barbie, which turned out great, and then I started on a huge undertaking -- a Barbie wedding party. I've completed the gowns for the two bridesmaids (two different but harmonious styles in two-tone pink and rose) and flower girl (a 7-1/2" Stacie doll, also pink and rose) and have been working on the Ken doll groom. His pants, briefs and shirt are done and am now working on his jacket. Then it's on to the elaborate beaded Victorian bridal gown. I'm more than a little annoyed that I can't locate the accessories I bought awhile back for her gown - over 1,100 cream beads, cream satin lining, cream tulle for her veil, and several yards of lace. I went through my entire craft closet to no avail and am at a loss. If I have to repurchase that stuff, so be it, but I obviously would rather not, so hopefully it will turn up. I've also been working on charity baby items - a one-piece, two-tone baby bunting at the moment (Bernat Softee baby yarn; dark rose along with the variegated rose/green/yellow/white Summer Ombre I've used now for several items; such pretty yarn). As with all my other recent projects, pictures coming on the crochet section of evergreenrefuge.org in the not-too-distant future!

I just realized I didn't get around to posting here in September, my birth month. I'd planned a trip on Labor Day weekend to Bellingham and Whidbey Island, taking the side roads north rather than the highway and stopping in other towns along the way. I was really looking forward to it. Then with the rainy forecast, I reluctantly decided to skip the Bellingham part of the trip but still fully intended an overnighter to Whidbey Island. The morning of the trip, it was raining so hard that "Bianca" started hydroplaning on the highway a couple times, which was scary and not at all relaxing. I absolutely didn't want to cancel my abbreviated trip, but I didn't feel safe. So after driving 30 miles, I pulled off the highway, called the hotel and they were nice about letting me cancel with no penalty. I treated myself to a McDonald's breakfast, made stops at Joann's and Michael's where I picked up a few things, then went home and weeded through the clothes in my closet, which I did need to do. But I was really disappointed to not be taking my long-awaited mini-vacation, especially when the rain literally slowed down and then stopped after I cancelled the hotel -- figures!! As we Chicago Cubs fans have become all too used to saying, "Wait till next year............"

The Long Hot Week, The Medium Hot Crochet Hook, and the Short Cool Piggie

It's been two weeks ago now, the last week of July 2009, that we here in western Washington who are so used to (spoiled by) beautiful moderate to cool summer weather the majority of the time survived the hottest week we have EVER experienced in this area. It got to 103 degrees one day in the towns where I live and work, as well as officially at Sea-Tac Airport (a couple degrees hotter in other towns), and in the high 90s on, I believe, 3 other days. As hard as that was to endure in our non-air conditioned home and offices (the new ceiling fan Rex had installed a few weeks before in the great room directly above my recliner was a blessing and a tremendous help), I was more concerned about our very furry dogs and guinea pigs, especially Heidi, being age 11-1/2. But it stayed pretty decent in our well insulated home, so we all made it through. I'm so glad we are back to our typical highs in the 60s and 70s. I had not experienced anything this hot since my fun but ill-timed visit to Vegas last Sept. and could NOT live anywhere where this hell on earth took place even occasionally, let alone regularly! I don't know how people do it, even if they have air conditioning. I had more of a scare with Heidi almost a week ago, in the evening. She slipped on the linoleum and couldn't regain her balance to get up and walk. I had to push her onto the carpet and was terrified her back end was shutting down, as happened with Colby and Farley shortly before they passed. But after a nap on the carpet, she was able to walk and it hasn't happened again, thank the Lord. Rex is giving her extra glucasomine for her joints in addition to what's in her food. I love my girl SO much and NEED to have her with me as long as God will allow us to have her.

I finally got something done this weekend that I've needed to get done for too long - got my latest crochet projects photographed with my very trusty Nikon L5 Coolpix camera and discovered I had enough to add TWO new crochet pages to evergreenrefuge.org. So I'm very glad to announce that Crochet page 4 and Crochet page 5 are ready for your viewing pleasure, featuring my Barbie angels, larger dressed-up dollies and latest ghans including the semi-original Rose Pineapple! Having visited a church a week ago that MAY be the one I end up being a part of and having been anxious to visit there again today, I was disappointed when Rex told me this a.m. that "Bianca" has a flat tire and he wouldn't be able to tend to it till tomorrow. But in one way it was a blessing in disguise, since it gave me time to complete my new crochet pages!

The only other thing that's new lately (aside from more of a skeleton crew at work than ever the previous two workdays, with Chris and Stephen both out for a few days; they're interviewing new assistants but no one has been hired yet) is our newest guinea pig, Connor, who Rex found on Freecycle (where he's found most of our other piggies). So now we are back up to six piggies. He joined our household a couple weeks ago (I'll find and post the exact date to my furballs3 page soon) and has settled in well. He's a very cute (and friendly but very squirmy) albino with pink eyes and two-tone short beige and white fur and is about a year and a half old. We tried to pair him with Cinnamon, but Mr. Lone Wolf wasn't nice to him and seems to continue to want to be a solo act, and it was too crowded having him in the same cage with Harry and Joey. So he is in his own cage but doing fine and enjoying his daily veggies. We've lost four piggies in the past year and pray the six we have now stay happy and healthy for the foreseeable future! I really need to get photos of them on my furballs3 page but will need to do that on a weekend day when Rex is home so that he can hold them in place while I snap the pics. They're all a bit skiddish and we don't want them trying to scamper off and getting hurt. Well, I'll hit "publish" now and hope to have more definite news next time about church, relief at work, and vacation (leaning toward taking a brief auto trip here in beautiful western Washington and saving a longer trip for next year).

Some Things Old, Some Things New, Some Things Up in the Air

Let's start with the new things. So far, there are two. Several weeks ago, the then-new Compaq laptop (my first new, not used or refurbished) I began using in June '07 when we moved into our LONG-awaited home, began acting quite sluggish, despite the relatively fast cable connection we've enjoyed since Sept. '07. I attributed this to needing more memory beyond the 512 MB it came with. But before I had a chance to buy and install additional memory, the toy began acting very strangely. It would stay on for awhile and then turn itself off. I thought, wow, it's REALLY low on memory. Staples happened to have a half-price sale on tech services, so I decided to take it there to be tuned up and get 2 GB memory installed. To my shock, apparently the free AVG anti-virus protection I'd trusted all along was free for a reason. Two viruses had gotten through and damaged my toy. It would have cost $369 to restore it. Rex and I decided that for not a lot more, we could get a nice new one -- and so we did. Staples didn't have the exact one we wanted at the price we could justify but Office Depot, across the road, did. It's a Toshiba Satellite with a whopping 3 GB memory. We've had it a few weeks now and enjoying it thoroughly. It's the first Toshiba we've had (all the others have been Compaq) but I'm sure it won't be the last. (And we have it protected with a heavy-duty trial version of Norton 360, which we'll buy when the trial period is over. I don't want to take any chances with this honey of a machine!)

The second new addition happened just today (or actually yesterday, since it's now after midnight). We're back up to six guinea pigs. I noticed Rex kept looking in the bottom cage where our darling Harry and Joey live (who I call the "glamour boys" since they are both so pretty with their long silky fur) and this concerned me. I kept asking, the boys are OK, aren't they? He assured me they were, and I peeked myself and saw nothing unusual. About 10:30 tonight, he placed a piggy in my lap. I looked at this furball, a shorthaired albino with beige and white fur, and said. "Who are you?" Rex said his name is Connor and he's a year and a half old. He is very sweet and docile; doesn't seem skiddish like our other piggies. I hadn't even noticed him in the cage with Harry and Joey; he was hiding in the igloo. (Rex had first tried putting him with Cinnamon, but Cinnamon wants to continue being Mr. Lone Wolf.) So far things are going fine with Harry and Joey, but we have another cage to put Connor in if it looks like that will work better. We'll see!

There are also, of course, new things that I've crocheted, but that goes without saying. I still have not gotten around to photographing the many new items that I need to photograph and place on a 4th crochet page on my site. I definitely need to do that very soon. Since I posted last, I've completed outfits for three of my four 16" to 18" girl dolls, and they all turned out beautiful, if I do say so. I'm anxious to get the pics taken and posted so others can see them. I then made a baby ghan (for a future gift or charity) using a color combo of Bernat Softee Baby that I fell in love with on my most recent weekend excursion with Dianne. The colors are soft red (more of a deep rose), fresh green (a bright apple green) and summer ombre, a variegated containing these colors as well as light yellow and white. I found it such a refreshing change from the usual pastel baby yarn. The pattern I used is "Gentle Ripple", a ripple variation using puff stitches and mesh rows, which is fun to make and pretty. I'll use this pattern again in the future for both baby and full-size ghans. I then had enough yarn left for a baby layette. I just made a V-stitch jacket and will make the hat and booties next. After that, I'll make a little outfit for my 20" baby boy doll in a light blue. Pics of all this WILL be coming in the near future!

There are also currently two things that are up in the air -- my church and my vacation. As I posted a month ago, I did make the VERY difficult decision to leave a church I loved due to what I realized were irreconcilable differences with its governing body -- something I wish I'd researched further before I got so involved and attached. The last service I attended there was May 31st, Pentecost Sunday. Since then, I've visited 4 churches. I've narrowed things down more and feel I'll know what I'm supposed to do about this situation in 2 or 3 more weeks. That's all I'll say about this for now till I make a decision as to where God would have me attend and serve Him.

I made another difficult decision -- to not visit Vancouver, BC over Labor Day weekend and my birthday, as I originally planned to do. The "enhanced driver's license" which is now required for entry into Canada turned out to be more of a hassle to obtain than I expected. I'm thinking about maybe taking the train to Portland again, even though I've been there, since I love going there and it's been four years. Or maybe I'll just do something local with Dianne. Again, we shall see!

The something old is a lot of things -- my job, which is a good thing even though we are more shorthanded than ever (with the two people who quit unexpectedly last month) and the place mentally exhausts me with all the constant changing gears all day, every day. They just placed an ad for another assistant to help with more of the mundane things I don't have time to do, and Elfi (who's supposed to be semi-retired) offered to train this person, which I was glad to hear, since I sure don't have time to train them! And the other old things remain my bod, my attitude, my insomnia and headaches, my lack of spiritual growth (the right church will hopefully help with that last one) -- all the things I constantly pray for help with and yet they never seem to change. I remain a disgusting 45-ish pounds overweight, I'm sitting here blogging after 1:00 a.m. on a weeknight when I have to get up for work in less than 6 hours, and I know doing these same things will net the same results, yet I keep doing them. Whoever may be reading this, please pray these things begin turning around. I get SO tired of waiting and sometimes I give up hope. I didn't want to end this post on a down note, and part of me DOES have hope that I won't always be a chubby, sluggish insomniac. But I NEED some divine intervention here and a giant kick-start, however that has to be accomplished. HELP, Lord.........

Rosie, Vacations, Ghans, Dolls, and Doctrine

I never intended to be over two months between posts again. I don't like waiting this long between posts since there is always the chance I'll forget something I intended to write about. Part of the reason is that, with my having recorded so many old 20s to 60s movies this year from Turner Classic Movies on my DVR and having to keep up on watching them so the DVR doesn't fill up - and the DVR being in one room while the computer's in the other - it limits my time on the computer. I often finally get around to checking my E-mail around midnight and by then (especially on weekdays) it's too late to do much else. Even that takes long enough that I inevitably get to bed too late, and then it's on to my job which continues to be mentally tiring with all the constant shifting gears all day, every day. They've started a summer schedule where one of us works an early shift once a week on a rotating day. My day this week is Friday. So I'll get home at 4, which will be nice, but I'll have to get up not much later than 5, YAWN. So I decided I'll finally do this long-overdue post, put away the laundry, and then off to bed...

It's a shame that it took the loss of yet another sweet pet, the third this year already, to finally push me to write this entry. A few days ago, Rex said, "I think we're losing Rosie" - Rosemary, our pretty black and orange Abyssinian guinea pig, who passed away sometime during our workday yesterday. Her cagemate, Meg, died in late January. Rosie had seemed fine but she suddenly stopped eating and drinking water a few days ago. Rex knew there was something wrong when she just let her broccoli sit; she used to devour it. As with our other piggies that passed, we don't know what happened. She was about 4-1/2. She was one of our most skiddish piggies, always scurrying away whenever we tried to pick her up, but also one of the prettiest and with one of the loudest squeaks. We will miss this sweet little girl, and are now down to 5 piggies. Thankfully, they all seem fine, but this type of thing seems to happen quickly and with no warning....

I've gotten together with Dianne a couple times since writing last. When we got together in April, and inevitably ended up in a quilting store since she is now a quilter in addition to being a crocheter, I ended up falling in love with a purse pattern that converts from a handbag to a backpack, and buying the pattern and 3 beautiful coordinating fabrics to make it. I still have a sewing machine but have not used it for many, many years, having chosen to be exclusively a crocheter for a very long time. So when I'll ever get around to actually making this dang purse is anybody's guess!

The last time Dianne and I got together, it was to go on our mini-vacation to the Long Beach peninsula from May 16-18. I took Friday the 15th as a day off work and went to her house late that afternoon; we spent the evening crocheting as usual and left at 8:30-ish that morning. I meant to write this a few weeks ago so that I could remember more details of what we did. But in general, though it's always fun to see new places, most of the Long Beach peninsula was somewhat disappointing for both of us. Long Beach itself was cute but touristy, the towns of Seaview and Ocean Park were nice but not much to do, Ilwaco had a pretty lake and park but not a lot else. A highlight was Oysterville, most of which is a historic landmark and consisting of original homes and a cute little old church, mostly built in the 1800s. The place in Seaview which Dianne had found online that we reserved to stay at, to say it was a disappointment would be a gross understatement. It turned out to be very rundown, so much so that I was grateful that Dianne had the courage to make a long list of the various things wrong with the room and present it to the owner, who consented to refunding us for the second night which freed us to find better accomodations. We spent our second evening at a Christian-owned resort, Sunset View in Ocean Park; the room was very pleasant and the grounds were beautiful. It helped to make up for the first evening in the dump.

We had originally planned to stay at a pretty place called Anchorage Cottages in Long Beach, but Dianne wanted to bring all three of her tiny dogs and Anchorage would only allow two of the dogs, despite their all being well-behaved, age 10 to 16, and tiny. We didn't want to leave Chica, age 16, behind. But in retrospect, we should have. The poor girl didn't travel well; she was very nervous and peed in her doggie stroller at least three times. It also got tricky to handle all three when we wanted to go into stores. But you know what they say about hindsight! The other mistake was not getting a room with a separate bedroom. Dianne and I have totally different body clocks; she's a morning person and I am NOT. So, being in the same room where it was well past her usual bedtime and nowhere near mine, we drove each other nuts. Again, hindsight!

On the final day of our excursion, a Monday, we stopped in Astoria, Oregon before heading back to Dianne's place, since we were already so close to there. I hadn't been there for years and all I can say is that I didn't feel it lived up to its billing as "little San Francisco" in the promo material we read! At least the weather stayed nice throughout our trip - till my 35-mile trip home from Dianne's house, when it rained the whole time. I also wished I'd taken the following day off work as well; I got home after 8 p.m. and it was hard getting back to the old grind!

On to crocheting - let's see, when I posted last, I was finishing up the light green and pink Irish Roses ghan. I finished that, then I made a popcorn ripple ghan in burgundy, cream and light green. Then, for a final ghan for my home (I already have too many, but....), I very much wanted a mostly cream ghan with big burgundy roses with green leaves. I tried a couple of patterns but didn't like either. What to do?? Well, having seen after all these decades that I CAN improvise without a pattern, as I did on that final Barbie angel, I thought, well, COULD I start with someone else's flower motif and make up a square from there? Well, why not? So, when I was at Dianne's back in April, I looked through her patterns. I settled on a Maggie Weldon flower, motif #2 in the book, "99 Crochet Motifs". I made the flower and the row of green leaves surrounding it. I looked at it and realized that for the huge square I wanted to make, it needed another row of leaves. So I made one up, consisting of double and triple cluster stitches. THEN I switched to cream and carefully proceeded to make a four-pineapple design on a double crochet background, using my knowledge of how pineapple patterns are constructed. I edged the square in sc in the same green as the leaves, and finally, added chain loops for a "join as you go" square. Ta daaaaa!! This ghan is now done and it is gorgeous!! Below is a pic of that first original square. I'm delayed in photographing my recent ghans and dolls due to my digital camera needing better rechargeable batteries which I'll buy soon; they barely stayed charged for this one pic!



I'm now working on outfits for my few 16" to 18" girl dolls. These are being made of worsted weight yarn so they are going much faster than the thread Barbie gowns. I'm 98% finished with a burgundy Victorian outfit (ran out of the Bernat Berella cream for her overskirt; ordered more this week) and well underway with a dark pink outfit.

The last part of the title of this post has to do with my dilemma regarding my church. As I've shared here, I've been attending a Lutheran church that I love since last July and joined the church in Feb., despite some lingering questions about certain doctrinal issues, since I love the services and the people. I won't go into the specifics here, but my church is ELCA which is the largest and most liberal variety of Lutheran. At the same time my church is very traditional with weekly communion and beautiful old music, yet with a warmth I haven't found elsewhere. (I've become so attracted now to this style of worship as opposed to "a sermon and a few praise jingles on a screen" found in most evangelical churches, and even some Lutheran churches for that matter.) So it has more of the feel of an LCMS church, the variety I feel more in tune with doctrinally. Yet, it's not. The latest struggle for me is learning that the famous abortionist who was recently killed was an usher in an ELCA church. Now, I definitely don't feel it was right that this man was murdered. But I also wonder, why would a church welcome as a member someone who's been instrumental in the destruction of thousands of babies AND have him serving as an usher?? So -- a couple of weeks ago, I visited an LCMS church that's only a few miles further away than my current church, and I did like it. But should I leave a church I love because of my differences with its governing body? OUCH. I just don't know. I may need to sit down and talk to the pastor at this other church; he's presently out of town. As with so many other areas of my life -- to be continued!

The "L" Words -- and the "K" Word

Yesterday was Easter Sunday. That means the season of Lent (my first "l" word) has now ended -- a season which my former Evangelical church paid almost no attention to. I love the fact that is not the case with liturgical (another "l" word) churches such as my small traditional Lutheran (another "l" word!) church. A few weeks ago I asked Pastor Liz (yes, another "l") if Lutherans are supposed to give up something for Lent. She said it was optional, but I thought it would be a good thing to give up some of the carbs (which I will not specifically name here, but God knows what they are) I crave the most. So I did that. Then I started getting a major craving for one of them last week. I looked online to try to determine what day Lent ended and the answer appeared to be Maundy Thursday, the day before Good Friday. So at lunchtime, I gave in to buying my #1 craved carb (which didn't even taste all that irresistible to me - so I've again abstained since then). I hope I didn't err by breaking my Lent fast from this item too soon (even though it's not mandatory in my church) since I subsequently heard Lent didn't officially end till Easter. But it's one of the many things I can't undo!

We had a somber but very nice Good Friday service in which the youth read the Scriptures, and Rex entered the sanctuary a few minutes late, so he stayed in the back row so as not to be disruptive (I was already there since our choir sang at the end -- the beautiful "Tis Midnight and on Olive's Brow"). He didn't say a thing afterwards about the service. It's still too different for him compared to Evangelical services. I was hoping he would come with me for Easter but I felt he wouldn't, and I was right. Hopefully one day. We had a really beautiful and upbeat Easter service preceded by a yummy Easter potluck, for which I made a sausage, mushroom, egg andcheese casserole (all of which got eaten).

Another "l" word is Long Beach -- as in the scenic area on the Washington coast where Dianne and I hoped to stay for two days last year before things got too precarious with her parents' health. She kept going back and forth as to whether we should shoot for mid-May this year or wait till Sept. I kept hoping for a decision on her part, since the "Knit and Crochet Show" in Portland is the same weekend and there were a couple of classes there I was interested in taking. She was not interested in going, but I took a solo vaca to Portland in '05 and had a great time. I would have done that again this year, and thought I would when the cottage we hoped to reserve said they changed their rule regarding dogs and would only let us bring two of her three toy dogs. She would have had to leave Chica behind with Lisa, and I am very fond of Chica. I told Dianne, let's wait till Sept. to go away together, which would give us time to research somewhere else to go. But she was determined we would go to Long Beach in May and found 2 other places online. The first, uh, let's just say they don't cater to conservative Christians like us! But the other place sounded nice and did not list a limit on number of dogs one could bring. I called them and we ended up with a similar cottage to the other place at a lower price, and can bring all three dogs. So no Portland trip this year, but that also means I may look into a solo trip for a few days to Vancouver, BC for my birthday in Sept. (No more 105 in the shade destinations like Vegas last year!)

Another "l" word that's been on my mind is "life expectancy" (OK. that's two words) as in dogs. After Colby passed, I Googled "life expectancy Samoyed" and most of the sources said it's 12 to 15 years. We never knew Colby's birthdate since he was a stray, but his age was estimated at 4 when we adopted him and we had him just over 7 years. So that means he was a bit under the average life expectancy. I don't know if there's a lot we could have done about that. He stopped wanting to go on walks a couple years ago, which he needed to do since he was so overweight. So that could have affected his back end going lame like it did at the end. We gave him a good home and I trust he was happy with us, and aside from getting yappy most every night, he was a good dog. I then looked up life expectancy for Great Pyrenees. Most sources said 11 to 12, with a few going a bit above that. Rex and I feel our precious Heidi, who is now 11 years and 4 months, will beat those odds. She is trim, frisky and healthy, with no problems following the removal of that awful-looking benign cyst last fall. She is also my most special baby girl and I NEED to have her with me as long as possible.

Yet another "l" word is "lazy", which I have been in the whole area of exercising. I've finally been walking to the dock from the park n'ride and back each workday, with the weather finally cooperating. But I need to do more than that. I need to either take long walks or get on my stepper on the weekends, and I haven't done that for a long time. Today I decided I would "splurge" and spend the $5 to park in the lot at the ferry dock. I parked in the "back forty" since those machines accept cash payments, and rationalized that at least this way, I'd still get in over 20% of the full walk to the park n'ride. I didn't get to sleep late Saturday (the reason has to do with the "k" word, explained below) and also had to get up early (for nightowl me) Sunday to get the breakfast casserole in the oven and be at church for breakfast at 8:30. So I figured this would make an easier start to my work week. But at $5 a day, and with the lack of exercise that results, this is a "splurge" I won't often be allowing myself, though it continues to be SO frustrating that the evening walk (slightly uphill and with my being tired after a full day at work) exhausts me so. It wouldn't if I could ever lose this 6 gallons of milk I continue to carry around (one gallon weighing about 8 pounds). But my eating level remains such that the weight doesn't budge despite the 15-ish extra miles of weekly walking....

Now for the "K" word -- that other (and inexplicably more popular) yarn craft, the one I tried on my own to learn a few times over the years, mainly to see what the fuss was about, but also because I've often thought it would be nice to just know the basics and maybe even change off occasionally. In unsuccessfully trying to learn a few times in the past, it often occurred to me that it would be so much more of a hassle to try to coordinate two to four needles than just one hook. But yet, so many women swear by this other craft, and yarn stores cater to those who do it and barely acknowledge us crocheters. So I've often thought, I should have someone try to give me a private lesson, since I've been unable to learn from any videos or books, just to see, once and for all, if this is something I can do and want to do, or if I should officially just forget it! I was supposed to have a lesson with Beverly from my South Sound yarn and fiber group last year, but that didn't happen. Last month, I went to the first evening "K***-in" at the new yarn shop in my town, and virtually everyone was doing the "K" craft while I crocheted my Irish Roses afghan. After that, I said, OK, I'm going to have this lesson. That's the only way I will resolve this in my mind. After all, thousands of women do it and love it, so how hard could it be? I went to the shop two weekends ago and scheduled the lesson for 1:00 p.m. this past Sat., the 11th. They recommended I learn the Continental method which, as both a left-hander and experienced crocheter, they claimed would be easiest for me to learn. Then, assuming I would finally learn the basics, I spent a good amount of time at knittingpatterncentral.com finding several cute dishcloths I expected to soon be able to make.

The teacher called the evening before and asked if I could come at 10:00 a.m. instead of 1:00 p.m. which I agreed to even though it meant I wouldn't be able to lounge in bed half the morning. I won't go into all the gory details of how I couldn't even hold the needles the right way let alone figure out how to pick the yarn the right way and feed it through the other needle and off the first one to make an actual stitch. We didn't even get to the purl stitch, which she said was more complicated. I could see the writing on the wall after just a few minutes of this lunacy. (When something is just not happening, why force the issue?) After numerous tries, during which I made an actual stitch a few times just by accident but was not enjoying myself in the least and kept asking myself what I was doing here, the teacher said it appeared I was throwing the yarn (which is supposed to be the right hander's preferred method) rather than picking, and maybe I should take a lesson in English style rather than Continental. I told her I would think about it and that I would practice some more, while thinking to myself, "Noooooooo!" and being excited to now officially confirm what I suspected all these years:

I will never be a knitter. I don't WANT to be a knitter. I am SO absolutely fine with not being a knitter!!! I am a devoted, passionate, addicted CROCHETER -- and after trying in vain to be something I'm not, I love my beautiful craft even more than ever. I am more mystified than ever why yarn shops cater to knitters and treat people like me like the stepchildren of the craft world. I don't understand why so many women choose to k*** when they can CROCHET. I can crochet anything they can k*** and it will be prettier! I'd better stop ranting here lest I offend anyone; I honestly do admire people who can k*** beautifully and respect the love they have for their craft. But I am relieved that I don't have to waste any more time wondering if I can or would ever want to do it, and don't have to spend more money I can't afford on needles and k*** patterns. CROCHET RULES!!!! And I will continue to talk it up when I go to that yarn store and hope my craft, and those of us who love it, will begin to get the respect and attention we deserve.

I have not entirely ruled out the possibility of taking a private lesson in loom (another "l" word!) knitting, which supposedly can be learned by those of us who can't master fumbling with two or more needles. I wasn't able to learn that from a book either and don't know anyone who teaches it locally, but I found a gal online 2 hours from me who does, which would be a nice little overnight trip. I also am still interested in seeing if I can learn Tunisian crochet, which does look like knitting but uses just one hook.

As for my crochet projects, I mentioned the Irish Roses ghan. I'm now working steadily to finish it after just bringing sections of it on my commute while concentrating on the Barbie angels at home. I finished my fifth and final angel last week (well, 7 if you count the two I made for Dianne and for Val). I think she turned out best of all even though I improvised a bit. I wanted a fifth angel since that was the amount of room on top of our tv cabinet where they are displayed, but didn't like the stitch of the fifth pattern in the booklet. I tried two other patterns but didn't like either and ripped both out. I finally went with the Silhouette Dress, one of four Barbie dresses I used to sell at craft fairs, making the straight part of her skirt a few rows longer. Her wings and halo I made up as I went along, using the same stitch from the dress but the shape and size of the wings and haloes in the booklet. I used straw (light gold) #10 Opera thread and she's beautiful! I hope to take pics of all of them soon for my upcoming crochet page 4 on my site. Well, my lunch hour at work is long gone, so back to work....