Tired of Being Tired

It's just a little over two weeks before my birthday mini-trip to Vegas -- an air/hotel package I booked in April and would not have booked if I'd used my brain and thought about what the weather would be in late summer. It seems like they've had highs in the 100s literally since May. I'm not sure how the people who live there can stand it, regardless of whether it's "dry heat". I've continued to wonder how I, who can barely endure 85 degrees, will be able to stand it and avoid heatstroke. I generally like to take buses to neighborhoods and then walk through those neighborhoods when I visit cities. Realizing a few weeks ago that the unending heat would not permit me to do that, I began searching online each day for the best rental car deal possible. I finally found one no one could touch - a compact car from Alamo which, counting the online coupon, will cost me $40.18 for the entire 3 days (not for each day). The only additional cost will be replenishing the gas I use, but I'll just stay in the city so I won't use a lot. I have my city maps and points of interest, and it will be fun to zip around in a little air-conditioned car and will give me a lot more freedom as to what I will be able to see and do. I think I am still getting together with my E-mail friend Mary on Day Two (my bday), though I'm waiting to hear back from her as to where and what time we should meet.

So, I expect to have fun and am looking forward to this little getaway. At the same time. I am very discouraged about my weight, which absolutely WAS going to be OFF for months till now and instead is there, all extra 40 pounds in all its *glory", ruining my appearance, self-image and probably my health, and all because I can't control my cravings for pretzels, pasta, cereal and CARBS in general. God knows I need His intervention; I can't do this alone, and I continue to feel His help has just not been forthcoming. I also have continued to feel even more fatigued than usual, and more trouble getting any sleep each night, than has been the case. I still do the morning mile and a half walk from the park n'ride to the ferry dock five days a week, and I sometimes try to do the same walk in the evening after work (with the temp being warmer. the terrain uphill, and my brain mentally exhausted from 8 hours of shifting gears every few minutes at my crazy job). But more often than not lately, I just don't feel I have the strength (and am dragging like an old woman on days I do try it) and have to pay the van fare to my car, which is up to $1.50, which adds up. I bought some liquid vitamins I hoped would help my stamina, but so far they haven't. I also tried bee pollen granules and was taking them about a week and a half, a tablespoonful each night, when last Thursday I got a monster migraine that even my Imitrex couldn't help, complete with nausea, and I haven't had one of those for quite some time. It was so bad that I was forced to take a sick day Friday. While I don't know for 100% that the bee pollen caused this, it's the only thing I've ingested that's different from usual, and I also recalled that I proved sensitive to honey when I was drinking it in hot water in '03. It's discouraging to spend my limited income on something that I trust will help me and instead it backfires on me. I pray God will have mercy on me and give me the strength to do whatever the heck it is I need to in order to lose this disgusting weight, get some sleep and have some energy. I was supposed to go to Vegas looking like a fox (for my age) and instead I still look and feel like a middle-aged, fat, tired FRUMP. I can't believe that a year after I resolved to get to my goal weight, here I remain, a mere 17 pounds from my all-time high weight. God, PLEASE help me...............

I was just rereading my last post. I ended up not having that knitting lesson with Beverly; she had to cancel, and I still haven't and don't know when or if I will. I still think it would be nice to know the basics, but I also still honestly don't know that I would even enjoy doing it all that much, and when I adore crocheting as much as I do, does it even make sense to spend time trying to get into a craft that forces one to coordinate at least two needles (instead of one hook), is much more of a hassle to rip out if you need to, and would therefore not be very relaxing? Hypothetical question! I'm almost finished with the Dotted Delight beaded Barbie outfit which I chose to make in cream thread with multi pastel beads and a pink collar and trim, instead of white with red beads and trim as pictured. This Sat. when I get together with Dianne, I'll pick up the three tiny snaps, three tiny pink ribbon roses, and 1/8" wooden dowel (for her parasol) that I need to finish it. Tonight I started a light blue scarf for my crochet exchange partner Stephanie, who sent me a nice dark green knit scarf and was also kind enough to send me the size I lighted crochet hook I wanted. I'm also working on a charity or gift baby ghan in confetti (white with speckles) Cottontots in the "Sand Dollar" pattern (join as you go hexagon post stitch motifs; fun to make and elegant). We had a rare rainstorm today and I wondered if our power would go off and cause me to try it out sooner rather than later. But thankfully that didn't happen, and it is supposed to clear up by Sat. I've also continued to attend and enjoy the Lutheran church for the past 7 Sundays. Rex hasn't been there yet as he's had to work every Sun. Amazingly, no one from the church we attended the past 7 years has bothered to contact us to find out where we are. So that speaks volumes and makes it easier to make the change. Well, being after midnight, I'll wrap up for now and once again TRY to get enough sleep to function the next two workdays at the level that I need and want to, but which lately has eluded me.....