Icestorm 2012 and Other Obstacles

As often seems to be the case, January 2012 has been a weird month. Nothing really horrible happened (though that was not the case for other area people, mainly due to the weather). But it's been just annoying and cruddy enough to disrupt my usual routine and cause me to again say, "Good riddance!" I again had such high hopes of turning over a new leaf on certain bad habits from the very beginning of the year (such as staying up too late and overeating), and I've NOT given up those hopes. Not by a longshot -- I am probably even more determined now. But January, with its short, wet, windy, cold, dark days, does not provide the most conducive environment for being successful in turning such habits around. I have to believe that January must be everyone's least favorite month (at least those of us in the Western Hemisphere). It's a good thing it comes first so that we all can get it over with and move on to longer, milder days.

I already got my first major migraine of the year (the kind that force taking a sick day) the evening of January 4th and into the 5th. That was fast. I probably asked for it, since I had a fling on New Year's Eve with a certain food that I know gives me migraines if I overeat it. I only had maybe 2/3rds the usual pigout portion, but it was enough. It really does somewhat kill one's desire to eat that food, no matter how good it may taste going down. I'm finding alternatives I like almost as much that don't do that to me.

Then, after a mild winter we all hoped would continue, this area got socked but good with what has been called Icestorm 2012 -- or Icemageddon! It started slowly with an inch or so of snow in the wee hours of Sun. the 15th -- just enough to where hubby recommmended I not try to drive to church in my 24-year-old, rear wheel drive Mercedes. He drove me to the ferry dock and back the next two days so that I could get to work and get back home. Then, the night of Tues. the 17th into the next day, we got at least 6 inches (and many parts of the Metro area got much more -- thankfully, rare for western Wash.) With the hills here, even 6 inches make it pretty impossible to get around, even in a Jeep. So I got snow days off work the next two days. I liked that part, though I now only have 3 more vaca days till they replenish in May. He was able to get me to the dock and back again on Friday -- and the bosses were impressed that I made it in when most of the staff who live in the same town as my office didn't.

By now, the snow was gradually (VERY gradually) melting during the day when it got into the 40s. But this led to a whole new problem when the roads would refreeze into smooth sheets of ice overnight. My church's annual chili cookoff, which was to have been held that Friday the 20th, was postponed one week, and Dianne and I mutually agreed it would be best to wait a week for me to drive the 38 or so miles to visit her, even if I could have gotten my car out (which, however, was still encrusted in ice). Hubby did not have to work the following Sun. the 23rd (rare), so we got to go to church in his Jeep -- where I got a taste of what I was about to experience the next morning. Though they had apparently spread salt, the parking lot was still very icy and treacherous to try to walk on.

Hubby still had to take me to the dock and back for work till this past Thurs. -- that's how long the snow and ice finally took to melt. That Monday was the worst of the icy roads. There were several bad traffic accidents from the black ice on the roads, and when I got off the bus to walk the 3 blocks to my office -- wearing my so-called traction soled shoe boots -- I may as well have been wearing ballet slippers for the total lack of traction I was able to get! After trying it for 1/2 block, I realized if I was going to get to the office without falling (several time), I would have to flag down a car and have them take me the remaining 2-1/2 blocks -- which I did. Thankfully, it stayed above freezing the next night, so that was the only day I had to go through that.

Even though the weather was much better by yesterday, Dianne and I were stressed from dealing with the elements the past week and a half and decided to wait one more week to get together. I looked forward to attending the chili cookoff, since one year ago, that was when I met several wonderful people at church and decided I may need to give this church (which was much more contemporary than I was seeking) another look. I also planned to take a run over to Dollar Tree, and of course, to church today. Instead, I was inside AGAIN the entire weekend. When I got to the park n'ride on Friday, I was surprised to see"Bianca's" (my car) left parking light on -- just the one side light -- as I distinctly remembered turning her lights off that morning. I got a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach what this would mean when I got in to start her up -- and sure enough.....nothing. No Good Samaritans were around to help me; they were all concentrating on one thing and that was going home. So I called hubby at work, waited 1/2 hour while realizing I would either not get to the cookoff or be very late....and he could not start her with his jumper cables. So.....he called AAA. Another half-hour waiting for them. The man examined her and said it WAS her battery; he did get her started with his truck but recommended I not drive her beyond the three miles home till the battery is replaced. Hubby had to work all weekend (as usual) and had no chance to get a battery, so no DollarTree and no church today. So....like I said, nothing tragic but just stressful enough to make me feel like doing not a whole lot at home besides crocheting in front of the tv. (And I did get my crochet blog, teri360.blogspot.com, updated today also with my latest creations.) At least my fingers are getting exercise!

The pooches and other critters are doing OK. Jesse is hanging in there well after the traumatic experience of our having to have his eye removed late last year. I vowed at the beginning of this year that as much as I long to travel this year (with my Portland/Salem trip being ruined last June by a migraine), I would instead concentrate this year on getting healthier, exercising, eating less, and paying down credit card debt instead of adding even more to it with train or plane and hotel bills. I still absolutely have this game plan but like I said, January does not lend itself well to health decisions -- especially the January that included Icestorm 2012!

A (Mostly) Uneventful Year

I didn't realize it had been this long since I made an entry in this blog. I always heard that time goes by faster the older you get, and it's true. It feels like only a couple of months ago that this year was new and I was still trying to absorb the shock that my Aunt Bernice, who I spent so many enjoyable hours with for most of my life, had passed away several weeks before and I was never told anything until a couple of scribbled lines on a Christmas card from a cousin who (I thought) knew what she meant to me...and the shock of losing my friend Sandi who was so instrumental in bringing hubby and I together...and the shock of losing our friends Mike and Al, all way too young (55, 61 and 56 respectively). Then there was a BIG situation hubby and I were still going through (finance-oriented) that was not resolved till this year and that I hope I/we never go through again. While digesting all of this and hoping this year would be better, January (mostly was). My cousin's dear daughter Janet and my LONG-time pen pal Ellayne (who I wrote to on and off since we were 15 and 16) found me on Facebook. It has been so awesome getting reacquainted with them. And that same month, I went to the annual Chili Cookoff at First Christian Church (not even being sure why, since it was SO different from the traditional liturgical type of church I was sure I was seeking) and that night, Jill, Mary Ann, Becky and Sharon found me. I gradually came to realize, to my shock after a year and a half of searching in vain, that THIS was the church where I was meant to be. So that was a big part of my life that was finally settled (even though a BIG part of me still feels unworthy to be considered part of a place with SUCH Godly, loving people).

The next noteworthy occurrences of the year were downers. Only a few weeks before we found each other again, my good friend Ellayne was stunned by the sudden loss of her husband, who was my age. Yet another somber reminder of the brevity and uncertainty of life. My dear friend Dianne's beloved dad Hal died in April at age 89 -- and I was crushed to not be able to attend his memorial service due to a severe migraine. In May, our darling "secret" dog Zane, a beautiful purebred collie who had lived in our yard with his two sisters since Dec. '09, suddenly died at the young age of 7. And my anticipated three-day trip to Portland and Salem (and potentially Eugene, but I didn't make it that far) in June was ruined by another severe migraine.

The next few months were pretty uneventful -- work most every weekday, stay up too late on weekends, crochet every chance I get, see Dianne every few weeks, try to get to church and to my Tues. night Bible study every few weeks. Then in Oct. and Nov., our wonderful senior furballs Jesse and Archie had surgeries a few weeks apart. First, Jesse had a tumor removed from his eyelid. We were shocked to find out it was cancer,, but the vet was sure he got it all. Then Archie had a hematoma removed from his ear. Aside from the first night when he forced off the bandage and made a mess, he recovered well. But Jesse's left eye gradually started looking weird, to where it looked like a oval divided diagonally, half solid black and half solid pink. So earlier this month, back to the vet he went. We were beyond shocked to learn that the cancer was back and the vet felt that the surest way to keep the cancer from recurring again (though there was still no guarantee)...was to remove his left eye. This was stunning news, but we knew we had to do whatever we can to save our boy. So, on Dec. 14, he had the surgery. It went well....but over the next several days, Jesse scratched the area and removed the stitches. So on the 22nd, he had to go back for a THIRD operation. Now he has to wear one of those dang cones around his neck to keep him from scratching it. He doesn't like it and we don't either, but there is no choice. It's broken my heart that our poor baby has had to go through all this, and we can only pray that he heals completely now and that the cancer does NOT come back. So the year, that started out so well, has not ended all that well. But we are thankful to still have Jesse and Archie, and that Susie (who turned 3 in Sept. and still has not bonded with me after 2+ years, but I do love her) and our piggies (including Pinky, the senior) are doing well.

On Sat., Dec. 17, Dianne and I took a bus trip to Leavenworth (a/k/a America's Bavaria) for their annual tree lighting, which was her Christmas present to me. It was a memorable day in a beautiful setting, and on the trip back, on the bus they showed the movie "Miracle on 34th Street" (the original from '47) which, incredibly, I had never seen. I really enjoyed it, so much that I watched it again on TV on Christmas Day. Christmas itself was quiet as usual, with hubby having to work at the kennel. I intended to go to church on both Christmas Eve and Day, but he was too tired to go Christmas Eve after working all day, so I stayed home with him. I heard it was packed Christmas Eve and not so the next day, but still a nice service. I made cornish hens and the usual simple side dishes, finished the latest fancy pink thread baby dress, and just took it easy the next day, then back to work today (well, actually yesterday -- so what else is new; when am I NOT awake after midnight!).

I'll post my latest crochet projects to my crochet blog by the end of the year, and look forward to another long weekend before the long, dark month of January. Hopefully the coming year will be better for my friends who lost someone so dear to them, and our sweet doggies will hang in there also. I have another hope for 2012 that I won't go into just now, what with all the false starts and literally giving up that it will never happen. I DID give up, but hopefully not forever. And that's all I'll say about that for now, except that I can't do it without the divine intervention I feel has eluded me all these decades....

Harry, Susie, Birthdays and Continued Battles

I just updated my crochet blog (teri360.blogspot.com) yesterday with my latest projects and also wanted to be sure to update this one before my 3-day weekend is over. It's my birthday tomorrow so it's a major bummer that I have to go back to work tomorrow. But at least it will be a short work week. I took this coming Friday and the following Monday as days off, since Dianne suggested we go to the Puyallup Fair on its opening day (Fri.) for free attendance with a can of food.

It's already been a month since one of our favorite little guinea pigs, Harry, passed away. We were blessed to have him almost 5 years. I did update my "furballs3" page at evergreenrefuge.org (the page on my site that's dedicated to the many piggies we've had) the day it happened. Little Harry had to be the prettiest piggie we've had -- he had silky long hair and was tri-tone -- white, black and brown, and he was very sweet. Now we just have four piggies left -- Pinky, Connor, Patches and Pudding -- and Pinky is getting up there in age; we actually got him (or her; we've never been 100% sure) shortly before Harry. The other three boys are still fairly young and doing well so God willing, we'll get to keep enjoying them for several more years.

Our other critters are also doing well, though our precious Susie has some sort of kidney issue. She has continued to be her frisky, happy self so we are praying it's something that can be easily controlled with medication. Rex just brought in another urine sample last week that apparently had to be sent to some out-of-town lab, so we're waiting to hear....Sweet Susie will turn 3 years old next Sat. the 10th, so I want to wish her a happy and healthy early birthday!

Other than that, life has continued to go on the way it always seems to: stay up too late due to insomnia and my "owl" nature, get up most days needing at least 2 more hours sleep, sit in an office for 8 hours experiencing brain overload and wishing I was elsewhere, go home, watch TV, crochet unless I'm too tired to even do that, stay up too late and do it all over again. Yeah, I'm glad to have a job when thousands of others need one, but I'm SO tired of being tired. I know I would feel much less tired and have tons more self-esteem if I ever lost these 50 pounds, but I lose a few and fall back into the same routine of not exercising because I'm tired and overeating carbs for comfort and because I would feel deprived without them.

Spirtually, I blame God for even the tiniest irritation, then feel forgotten by Him because He is not helping me with my weight and it's related symptoms (insomnia, headaches, and a faulty bladder and digestive system). Then each Sun., I go to my vibrant church and feel cared for yet unworthy to be around the others, who all appear to genuinely love God and are blessed by Him. I got my driver's license renewed on Friday and was totally taken aback to how droopy and tired my eyes looked and how fat my face looked. I pray with all my heart to somehow be able to have my next (2016) driver's license picture look a lot more like the 2006 one (which was really the only good d.l. pic I ever had) than the 2011 one. I plan to go to our church's ladies retreat the weekend of Oct. 7-9, so hopefully that will help me turn these issues around if I haven't by then.

I've had it with feeling and looking fat and sluggish day after day, month after month, and feeling so disconnected from this God I'm told loves me. Yet I am also very much aware that this Sunday marks the 10th anniversary of 9/11/01 and the horror that day brought to thousands of innocent people. It makes my everyday irritations totally pale by comparison and makes me feel guilty that my small problems get to me so badly....and yet they do. God, PLEASE change my heart....

Churches and Chairs

A major unsettled area of my life these past few years has finally been settled -- not in the way I would have expected as recently as a couple months ago, but, in a "coming full circle" sort of way, I feel I'm where I'm supposed to be. I've gone back and forth countless times since 2008 (as many entries to this blog since then will attest) regarding where my church home would be. Hubby and I had been attending a small non-denominational church for several years, and while we were (and are) fond of the pastor and his wife and the other people there, the services were very simple (a few praise choruses, maybe a solo or ensemble, a few more choruses, a sermon and an ending chorus), I'd long felt something was missing. (In the meantime, hubby began working most every Sunday and was unable to attend with me.) Through E-mail conversations with my sister-in-law and a subsequent visit to a small traditional Lutheran church, I became convinced that what I was missing was the beauty and history of the liturgical style of service. I wondered if I would find it stuffy and cold, but the opposite was true. It truly ministered to me, and for the next several months, I was excited about going to church. I soon became aware of some policy issues of the church's governing body that I disagreed with, yet I proceeded to join the church in Feb. '09, but ended up leaving (along with many others) three months later.

Over the next couple years, I ended up going back to that church a few times (still having differences with the governing body but feeling unable to let go of that particular church). I attended a Presbyterian church and then a Methodist church regularly for some time and had attended the membership class for both, but didn't feel led to make that final step. I still felt convinced that I needed a liturgical service, but there are only a certain number of that type of church within a reasonable distance of where I live. At times I thought I would never find the right church for me, or that it simply didn't exist. I wanted so badly to resolve this situation and it was so frustrating to feel it just would not happen for me.

One day early this year, having returned once again to the Methodist church but again feeling it wasn't right, I searched online for what felt like the umpteenth time. There was a church called First Christian whose web site had caught my eye before. I could tell it was not a liturgical church, but I could also tell it seemed like an alive and vibrant place and had a lot of activities going on. I attended one Sunday and the people were so very welcoming but the service, as I suspected, was contemporary. But I thought, "I could go to some of their activities without attending the worship services".

Shortly thereafter, I decided it would be fun to attend their chili cookoff on a Friday evening. I made a few rounds sampling the chili and trying to decide which to vote for when four ladies invited me to sit with them. I lost track of time as these ladies proceeded to interact with me like we had always known each other. I had never experienced anything like this at any other church. As I left that evening, I was confused. Why did I feel drawn to this church and these people, when I wasn't looking for a contemporary church? Well, I'd need to attend other activities there while I continued to look for the right Sunday worship service -- because I wanted to see these ladies again. They actually seemed like people I could become friends with, something I'd been desperately missing. I have Dianne, but she's 35+ miles away and we only see each other every 4-6 weeks.

A few weeks after that, I began (and am still) attending a Bible study every Tuesday at the home of one of the ladies from the chili cookoff. This became such an anticipated weekly event (despite my thinking I did not want to go anywhere on a weekday evening after a long day at work) that, at first occasionally, then more often and finally every week, I began attending on Sundays also. I found I was getting more used to the contemporary services because of the love of God that was so evident everywhere at this church. To my astonishment, I decided a few weeks ago that THIS is where God was leading me as my church home, and I was officially welcomed as a member on June 26th. It IS very different from what I thought I was looking for, but I'm convinced it's the place I've been looking for all this time. As I mentioned on Facebook, I feel privileged to be there but also unworthy to be among such genuinely Godly people, and I pray more of what they have will rub off on me!

In the meantime, my dear friend Dianne has settled into her new smaller 1-story home in a gated 55+ community a couple miles from the home she'd lived in the past 11 years, and she and her 3 little dogs are really enjoying it. I went there to visit her a week ago Sat., the day before I joined First Christian. She knew her mom was looking for a recliner and phoned her to see if we could take her to ReclinerLand in Auburn to look for one and then go out to eat, and she agreed. I said, "I wish I could get a new recliner; mine broke a couple weeks ago!" I'd sat in, sometimes slept in and bounced around in the poor thing the past few years and it was getting pretty rickety. Then one weeknight, I went to push the footrest down and it didn't go down. I pushed harder and the right side came off! We have a spare recliner that was actually quite similar, so I figured that would now be my chair.

While Margaret and Dianne were looking at recliners, while having NO intention of buying myself a new one, I tried out some of the more affordable ones for future reference. I came to a $742 chair in a dusty medium gold fabric that was on clearance for $295. It was SO soft and comfy. As with my church, I felt drawn to it. It just felt SO right and though the color was not my first choice, it was neutral and I felt it would look good in our great room. I told myself, "I work hard and need a comfy place to relax when I'm home, and the price is right". After arguing with myself for 20-ish minutes while Margaret ordered her chair, I decided to buy the comfy gold chair. I thought my hubby would have a fit (since we had the spare recliner and also said he could fix the broken one), but to my surprise, he agreed it was a practical purchase and a good price! It was delivered this past Saturday and I'm enjoying hanging out in it this 3-day weekend. I'll post its picture here, but it looks nicer in person than in the pic. I love my chair!



Not a lot else is new. I completed the Barbie in the cream and burgundy striped gown (pic coming soon to my crochet blog at teri360.blogspot.com), and now my large glass cabinet where I display my Barbies is full. So I'll need to figure out a display method for a few more I plan to make. I'm currently working on a green shawl (same pattern as the peach one I made for one of the graduating senior girls at church) in sage (looks more like apple green) Simply Soft that I found for half price on my recent trip to Portland and Salem which turned out to be a disappointment (got lost a LOT despite multiple Google maps and was sick with another of my major migraines the entire third day). That was hard to take after having to postpone this trip last year, but joining my church and having my new chair has helped ease the pain. Well...as usual as this time of night, I'm not sleepy. Hopefully I will be soon, so I don't sleep away half of my very rare day off work. Happy Birthday, U.S.A.!

Goodbye, Secret Love

Since New Year's Eve 2009, Rex and I have had three lovely collie dogs in our lives. These are really not dogs we adopted in the same sense of our current pet dogs Susie, Archie and Jesse, or our other past pet dogs chronicled in the Furballs section of evergreenrefuge.org. It was more like we became their caretakers when their original "mom" became terminally ill and their original "dad" could no longer care for them. This was not my idea, as we already had three dogs and had only adopted Susie three weeks before. But apparently, according to my husband, these folks could find no one else to take all three collies. (I found, and still find, this hard to believe. There are rescue organizations that would have be glad to have them. I think it was just that Rex wanted them. It was easy to see why; all three were so sweet and docile, and very beautiful.)

Though I didn't like the idea, and it has been strange to generally not be able to tell people about these lovely dogs (since technically, we are only supposed to have four dogs in this county), I grew fond of the collies, and they have literally been no trouble. All they ask is to have food and water brought to them each day, and to be together. I understood why their former "mom and dad" asked that they not be separated. The only issue has been that Zane, the lone male, who I believe was about 5-1/2 when he and his mates (Bella and Terra, age 4) came to stay in our yard, had an occasional seizure which seemed to be some form of canine epilepsy. He would be on his side for about 15-20 minutes and then would gradually get up and seem to be fine again.

Though all three collies are very pretty, Zane definitely had the classic Lassie look. He was the only one of the three who occasionally came inside. He spent the least time in the large doghouse Rex built, so he would often get wet in the frequent rain, and we would let him in for a few minutes and dry him off (just a few minutes, since he and the girls were never housebroken, as they had always lived outdoors). He seemed to be having seizures less often than he used to and seemed fine. At the age of not quite 7, he seemed to be in the prime of his doggie life, and we naturally assumed to have him and his sisters for several more years. But tonight, Rex saw Zane laying in the same position in the rain for quite some time. He went to check on Zane but he didn't respond. So Rex carried him inside on a board, dried him off and covered him. He never did stir from that position and died sometime tonight. This is so sad and unexpected; sort of like when our Gus suddenly died of a stroke at not quite age 7. We wonder if that's what happened to Zane. It's not the same devastation as when Gus, my indoor buddy, died. Zane lived outside and I didn't have that same bonding with him. But I wish I could have known Zane better. He was a wonderful dog and we will miss him very much. I think it will be harder on Rex since he spent more time with the collies than I did. Rex just had his appendix out three days ago, and though he is healing quickly and should be able to return to work soon, I know he was not planning to have to build a doggie coffin later today.

It's so hard sometimes for me to understand and accept many of the things God allows to happen -- and to not happen. I don't know why he took Zane and Gus at a relatively young age when they should have had several more happy years. Even more so for several of the human friends who passed on last year -- Sandi Lee, Al Haymaker, Mike Peterson. Then there was my having to miss Dianne's dad Hal's memorial service on Good Friday, after I rearranged my work schedule all week so that I could be there to support my friend and pay respect to her dear dad. Instead, I was hit with the mother of all migraines and was too sick to go anywhere that day. It really hurt me to miss Hal's service, and especially because, as I wrote in my last blog entry, I'd resolved to sacrifice and cut back on foods I craved and FINALLY lose the weight. I felt as though I was being punished for doing the right thing. As a result, I AGAIN gave up on this lofty goal and AGAIN resolved it will never happen, instead indulging in those foods I crave. I figured, if God isn't going to bless my efforts and instead shoot me down with a major migraine, then why deny myself? It will be quite some time, if ever, before I again muster the resolve to lose the weight. It's hard to have that resolve when God won't help me, as He knows I can't do it alone. I had decided it was too much with my work and church schedule to rejoin TOPS, but I know how to lose the weight on my own. I've done it before. I just don't feel inclined to keep trying when my efforts keep getting shot down.

I'm still attending the contemporary church I described last time and still struggling with how contemporary the services are compared to what I'd grown used to the past few years. But the place is so alive and vibrant, that I can only hope the love of God shown by the people there rubs off on me. Though it's not what I thought I was looking for in a church, it's what I need at this time, and who knows, maybe for the long haul!

Losses and New Beginnings -- continued

I didn't realize I hadn't posted to this blog since January 1st. I guess I was concentrating more on my new crochet blog (teri360.blogspot.com), even though I've only posted once to that one in 2011 so far. Soon I'll be adding another entry there with the latest few Barbie (and Skipper) gowns I''ve crocheted.

Spring finally arrived a few weeks ago, and was most welcome despite chiller-than-usual temperatures. I always enjoy the later sunsets and longer days. The weeks continue to rush by, with too much time needing to be spent at my demanding but necessary full-time job and never enough of the leisure time I treasure. Even though it seems I'm seldom able to take any days off work, I'm now out of vacation days till they're renewed in a few more weeks. Since I'll be at my present job 5 years as of May 15 (hard to believe), presumably I'll now finally get the long-awaited 3 weeks per year, so I can take a couple mini-vacations per year (funds permitting) and an occasional day at home to catch up on things or just hang out. Definitely looking forward to being able to do a bit more of that.

Sadly, I have another loss to report -- actually two. A few weeks after the thrill of my long-time pen pal Ellayne finding me on Facebook after many years, and the joy of learning she'd been happily remarried for the past 10 years, I was sad and shocked to learn of the sudden passing of her soulmate, who was my age. This was a terrible shock for my friend and she has been very much in my prayers. Just another solemn reminder that tomorrow is guaranteed to no one.

Of all weekends for me to not check my E-mail till Sunday night, this weekend was not the one I should have delayed. When I finally got online a few hours ago, after a relaxing weekend of going through recipes, a long-overdue washing of my car "Bianca", and a nice Palm Sunday church service, I found my dear friend Dianne's daughter Lisa's Facebook message that her grandpa and Dianne's beloved dad, Hal, had passed away Friday night. Hal had gone into the hospital a couple of weeks ago following a heart attack and things looked dire, but from what Dianne said Monday when I last spoke with her, it looked like her dad was stabilizing and hanging in there. I was going to phone her this weekend but figured when I didn't hear, that the situation remained the same. Now I wish I had phoned. Hal was 89 and a devoted Christian, so Dianne can take comfort in that fact (I have no such assurance with either of my parents). But I know that this is still a painful ordeal for her. I will check in with her tomorrow and hope she will understand my not having done so earlier. Hal was a wonderful man who I had seen many times over the past 21 years that we've lived in Wash., and I too will miss him.

As for the new beginnings continuing, since 2009 it's seemed that every time I think I have my church situation figured out and have made a decision on which church I belong at and will join, something happens to change that. I went from the non-denominational church Rex and I attended for several years to the small Lutheran church I have many happy memories of and where I feel a piece of me still resides, to the Methodist church, back to the Lutheran church, back again to the Methodist church. I thought I finally settled on that Methodist church, and still, something was missing. I enjoyed the services, and doctrinally, I felt comfortable. I just felt I should have more of a sense of belonging and fitting in with the others after having attended for several months. I wasn't sure why, a few months ago, I felt led to visit another non-denominational church; I was sure it would be way too contemporary for me. But I felt led to attend nonetheless. The service was indeed very contemporary and not at all liturgical. This was NOT what I was looking for in a church service. At the same time it seemed like such an alive, joyful place that I felt drawn despite my resistance to the style of the worship service. I learned they were having a chili cookoff that Friday, and I thought that sounded like fun, and I wouldn't mind having some free delicious chili! So I went. I made the rounds a few times, sampling the various offerings, when four ladies invited me to join them at their table. For the next hour or so, I experienced more fellowship and friendship from these lovely ladies than I literally ever had at ANY church I had ever been to. This was the missing link at the other churches -- this could be the answer to the isolation and lack of friends I've felt, well, pretty much my whole life. But again, this was NOT the style of church I was looking for. So now what do I do?

Well, I learned that this church had several small groups starting in a few weeks. I thought, why can't I keep going to the Methodist church on Sunday but join one of the small groups from the contemporary church to fill my need for fellowship and friendship? So about 8 weeks ago, I started attending the small group on Tuesday evenings at Mary Ann's house. We have been studying the book, "God Will Make A Way: What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do" by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Mary Ann and Jill, two of the ladies who befriended me at the chili cookoff, are two of the members, in addition to several other wonderful people I'm feeling increasingly close to. It took a leap of faith to begin attending this group through a church that I was sure I had no intention of being part of, but I'm so glad I did. In the meantime I continued attending the Methodist church on Sundays, tried joining the choir, signed up for their monthly brunches, but still the unshakable feeling of not belonging continued. So.......for the past few weeks, I've been attending worship services on Sundays at the very same contemporary church that I felt was everything I was not looking for. I still struggle with the lack of any liturgical elements to the service and the emphasis on praise choruses that, to me, sound like someone made them up as they went along -- and yet, it appears God led me there. I have an appointment with the pastor this Thurs. after work, and hopefully he can help me resolve the reservations I have. Everyone I've met at this church loves God so much and is readily able to extend that love to someone like me who desperately needs to be more like Christ. So I think that's the kind of environment I need to be in, in spite of the service style.

The other new beginning is, after deciding a few weeks before that I was going to give up on the idea of ever losing the excess 50 pounds I've carted around for decades, it seems God has led me to try one more time. I can't even remember now who expressed the thought that changed my mind or if it was just that God put it in my mind. But it went something like, "You're thinking of food all wrong. The purpose of food is not to be a comfort or a stress reducer. The purpose of food is fuel for your body, PERIOD. If it tastes good and is enjoyable to eat, that's a bonus. But that is NOT the main purpose of food." Now, I've known this all along as well as I know my name. But when the thought came to me a few weeks ago, it was like something clicked and the next thought was "TOPS". I had attended weekly TOPS meetings (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) on two other occasions for several months and did make some progress, but quit after only losing 15-17 pounds each time. So I decided, I MUST have the in-person accountability. It's become clear I can't do this on my own. So I'll attend each week and not quit, and will either make steady progress or give up the whole dream once and for all -- but I can't let that be an option. This weight is making me sluggish, causing insomnia, headaches, and major lack of self-esteem, and will shorten my life. It HAS to go, and this is my last hope. The love I've experienced these past couple months from my new Christian friends is empowering me to become what God wants me to be. I started last Monday, getting off to a slow start (still too tired to exercise much), but God willing, in the long run, THIS time will be different.

Lost and Found.....and Another New Beginning

Well, I made it to 2011. Several people I've deeply cared about did not. If I'd posted this last weekend like I planned to, I was going to call it "More Losses". That is true, as on December 20, I was stunned to learn of my biggest loss yet for the year. But since then, I've also made a couple of finds -- and am trying now to look ahead rather than behind.

After learning earlier in the year of the passing of our friend Al, then Rex's friend Dick from Chicago in Sept. (he was 69), and then the loss of our friends Sandi and Mike (see previous post), I prayed, PLEASE, God, no more losses. Yet, I knew there was one person I hadn't heard about for some time and didn't have good news about when I did hear earlier in the year -- my 85-year-old aunt in Chicago, whose home I spent many enjoyable visits at over the years, and who I had not seen since I was last able to visit Chicago in '98. Financial and job issues made it difficult to get back there again. Then I stopped even getting Christmas cards from her a few years ago, so I asked my cousin for periodic updates. The last I'd heard, she didn't even know my cousin (her daughter) any more. So of course, I've been concerned. But I figured that surely, if anything happened, she (or someone in Chicago) would notify me. Well, that notification came in the form of two scribbled lines on a Christmas card received on Dec. 20: "Mom died Nov. 12. It's been hard getting through the holidays".

Of course, when something like this happened, you blame yourself for not doing a better job of staying in touch, yet you also wonder how your relatives 2,000 miles away wouldn't have realized I never stopped caring about my aunt and why they wouldn't have thought to call, send a quick E-mail, a card in the mail -- SOMETHING -- when it happened, not two scribbled lines six weeks after the fact. I couldn't have afforded, or gotten time off work, to go to her funeral, but that's not the point. "Out of sight" does not mean "out of mind". I don't want to write much more about this, since it is still an upsetting situation and not the way I could have imagined things would end between me and someone I literally grew up with. Hopefully one day, I will see my aunt again and she will realize that.

Then the same evening I learned about my aunt, another of our sweet guinea pigs and one of my favorites, Joey, the black longhaired fellow who looked like a mop and was such a cutie, was dead in his cage. So now we are down to five piggies. Thankfully, so far, the other five, and our doggies and chickens, are doing well.

After that, finally, things began to look up a bit for the last 11 days of the year. Since my job is so busy and I haven't gotten much time off (that should finally change a bit after this May, when I should at last be eligible for 3 weeks vaca per year), I looked forward to the day and a half off for Christmas and the day and a half off for New Year's. It's been nice to hang out at home with the pets, do some crocheting and watch holiday programs and movies on the tv. On one of the figure skating specials, a Canadian program (including Kurt Browning, one of my all-time favorite skaters), much of the background music was provided by a country singer named George Canyon (ideal name for a country singer!). I knew I'd heard of him but wasn't sure why, but I was impressed enough by his voice and music (and looks!) that I left the program on the DVR to watch again, and went online to learn more. It was then I realized why I'd heard of him. He finished in 2nd place on the 2004 edition of "Nashville Star" (the former country version of "American Idol"), and I'd voted multiple times for him since I didn't care for the fellow who ended up winning. Why George didn't become a huge star in the U.S. as he did in Canada, I have no idea. Though I don't buy many CDs any more, I bought his current one off eBay, the rationale being that this is the only way I'll get to hear him, since his music is not played in the U.S. (which, again, is a mystery!).

The other highlight of the quiet Christmas weekend, besides giving Rex his present (a Gevalia programmable 12-cup coffee maker, which he seems to like), was that I finally got my "Comfort N'Joy" crochet blog online -- it's at teri360.blogspot.com and has been well-received by those who have visited it. I realized a couple years ago, when I had posted my 5th crochet page under my crochet section of my site, The Evergreen Refuge, that most crocheters and other crafters nowadays seem to be showing off and discussing their creations on a blog as opposed to multiple pages on a web site -- and besides, even if people do still visit my site, I don't know that they are going to all five pages (I may reverse the order of those pages so that my more recent items show up first), which is a shame. So -- The Evergreen Refuge Blog (this one) will now be pretty much a narrative of things that are going on with me, whereas the Comfort N'Joy crochet blog will be just that! I hope many people will bookmark it and visit regularly. I'll also eventually post pics of some of my earlier creations on Facebook, so that people who know me on there can see them.

And speaking of Facebook, four days ago came my biggest find of the year -- an even bigger find than NCIS, which has honestly become my all-time favorite TV show (and I thank God that Dianne's mom Margaret told me about it this past summer!). I was looking at my E-mail on my lunch break at work when I came across a Facebook friend request. As soon as I saw the name Ellayne, it was all I could do to not fall out of my chair. The last name had changed, but I knew who it had to be -- a lady who I had originally become penpals with MANY years ago when she was 15 and I was 16 (back in the days of snail mail; no one had heard of E-mail). We exchanged long letters for many years, eventually lost touch, re-established contact after Rex and I moved to Seattle (STILL before the days of E-mail) and lost touch again. I continued to keep many of her old letters all these years, thought of her often and often wished I could find her again. I even looked on Facebook, but didn't have her new last name. But mine was the same (and I had recently added my maiden name to help people find me), so she found me! I was SO thrilled to hear from her -- and I'm going to send her a long message later tonight. I hope we never lose touch again!!

So that was a delightful surprise to end the year. I've had another relaxing long weekend watching several good Bowl games (including the UW Huskies' big win in the Holiday Bowl over Nebraska -- YAY, Huskies!) and finishing some Christmas crocheting (we never did get our tree up, so that gave me something Christmasy to look at). It will be rough to get back to 5-day work weeks for awhile (at least for me; Rex's hours may go down somewhat again for the winter) but we are thankful to have our same jobs in this economy. As for resolutions, I don't really make them but I WILL strive to do a much better job of not letting relatively small annoyances irritate me, to go to bed earlier (by midnight) and be less sleep-deprived, and as for the weight loss thing -- OUCH -- I want it so badly but I just need to want it more than the instant gratification of overeating. We shall see....

Sandi and Mike

It's always a shock to hear about someone who was a part of your life passing from this world when they are in your general age range. Even when it is someone you have not seen for many years and have mainly remained in touch with via an annual Christmas card, there are people who you hope and expect to receive those annual updates about for years to come....people who, when you think of them, you smile and remember how they touched your life, and you continue to wish only the best for them and wish that the miles didn't separate you; that you could somehow see them again. I blogged earlier this year about our friend Al Haymaker, our former assistant pastor turned police officer, who died in a car crash this past Feb. at age 56. I never would have imagined that when those annual Christmas cards began to arrive, two more of our cherished contemporaries would have joined him in heaven. Yet at the same time, I can't even explain why, but in both cases, when I got the cards, before I even opened the envelopes....I somehow knew.

Last Christmas, the annual card and newsletter from Mike and Debbie reported the shocking news that he was battling cancer. But we had not heard any further updates as the year went on, so I sent up a prayer when I thought of them and hoped for the best. Mike was the assistant pastor at the church where Rex and I met, who was also best man at our wedding. The best way I can describe him is that he always reminded me of a big, sweet teddy bear. He and Debbie were called to a church in Maine several years ago, a place I've always wanted to visit, but considering that it's at the opposite corner of the continental U.S., it made it doubtful that we would be seeing each other anytime soon. When the card came with just Debbie's name on the address label and just her signature, I knew what her newsletter was going to say. Mike was 61.

The testimony page on my site evergreenrefuge.org, which also describes how Rex and I met, mentioned how our pastor and his daughter Sandi, who had quickly become a good friend of mine, did a bit of matchmaking, convincing me that he really was not too old for me (I was 24 and he was 33) and that, yes, he was quiet, but they could tell he really liked me, etc. Then, Pastor asked him to drive me home one night from Bible study at his house and the rest, as they say, was history. What I tended not to mention or even think of whenever I thought of Sandi down through the years was the all-too-apparent fact that most of her adult life, she had been afflicted with a devastating condition commonly called FOP (short for Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva). This is a horrendous condition that gradually causes one's muscles to turn to bone, creating a sort of second skeleton, and eventually rendering the person immobile. During the late 70's - early 80s when I attended that church and frequently hung out with Sandi at the parsonage, her body was already mostly stiff but she could move with great effort and could occasionally make it to church. However, following that, she was bedridden for over 20 years and depended on the faithful care of her dear parents -- Rev. DuWayne Lee (the pastor who married Rex and me) and his wife Jean, who are now about age 78.

I know Pastor and Jean were brokenhearted over Sandi's condition, and it certainly took great faith and divine intervention for them to continue to care for her and watch her condition deteriorate for decades. Yet, they did so with a God-given grace and immense thankfulness to have their beloved daughter to care for. As for Sandi herself, I will continue to mainly remember her unwavering faith, gentle and optimistic nature, and all the fun we had whenever we were together. A few days ago, I posted a prayer request to my Facebook page and to my online lists asking for relief from my migraines, which had given me more trouble than usual the past couple weeks. While the migraines have been painful, when I think of Sandi, I feel ashamed to be complaining about something as comparatively small as temporary head pain -- when here was a precious person who was not able to even move, to eat anything other than pureed foods (since her jaw would no longer open more than 1/4 inch) or do any of the other things I take for granted every day. Next time I am tempted to complain about headaches or any other discomfort I may have, I will think of my friend and what she had to go through every day of her life. Sandra Jean Lee was a gift to this earth for 55 years, 1 month and 26 days. I will never forget her, and I am thankful that when I see her again one day, she will have a new body and be able to move freely.

I invite anyone who is reading this to learn more about FOP by clicking here (this article, from 6 years ago, includes quotes from my friend Sandi and her mother) -- and to please be in prayer that a cure will one day be found for this terrible affliction. Thank you.

I am also thankful to have known Mike Peterson and Al Haymaker, two men who had greater faith and love of God than I could ever hope to have. I feel our world lost them and Sandi way too soon, but God in His sovereignty has called them to be with Him. Rex and I have not gotten around to putting up our Christmas tree this year and to be honest, with this latest news about our friends, I don't think we will. It just feels a bit too frivolous right now to be putting up decorations that only our eyes will see, only to take them down in a month. That reminds me a little too much of how temporary life is -- a fact that was driven home all too graphically this past week.

An Awful Anniversary followed by Weather Weirdness

I still can't believe that last week already marked one year since one of the most painful weeks of my life. On Nov. 18, 2009, following a routine afternoon dental appointment, my precious "dog of a lifetime", the wonderful and wooly Great Pyrenees Heidi, 3 weeks short of what was to be her milestone 12th birthday, collapsed in our kitchen -- and unlike a few other recent instances, this time, she never got back up. What followed were 3 days including a vet appointment (where we were told there was a "small chance" the pills he prescribed would help) and my spending most of my time in our "great room" where my girl remained, feeding her broth and water with a turkey baster, and remaining in denial to that last moment, at 9:45 p.m. on Sat. the 21st, that she would recover. I remember my "swatgirl" (whose swats to get my attention always caused me to drop whatever else I was doing) with undying affection and gratitude for the 7 years and 10 months we had together following our adoption of her at age 4. Everyone needs to have a "dog of a lifetime", and I thank God every day for Heidi -- and despite wishing our time together could have been extended, I am thankful she didn't go through a long illness, and that she passed in the room with me at home, not via the vet's needle the day before.

I also thank God for darling little Susie, who joined our family last year on what would have been Heidi's 12th birthday (Dec. 9) and who becomes increasingly more dear to me each day -- as well as for our beautiful big boys Archie and Jesse who, though they may never be buddies, are now (usually) able to be in the main part of our home together without an altercation.

According to the calendar, winter begins each year on Dec. 21, though the entire month of December can be quite wintry, even here in the comparatively moderate Pacific Northwest. I join thousands of others in beautiful western Washington in hoping we have not had a sneak preview this past week of the winter to come! It has been predicted to be much more like the severe winter of two years ago than last year, but raised its ugly head much earlier than anyone expected. Last Sunday the 21st, a fine snow fell throughout the afternoon. I thought nothing of it, assuming it was too early in the season to be a problem and would pretty much melt into the ground. But Rex awoke me Monday to say the roads were bad and that he would drive me to the ferry. Snow continued to fall throughout the day, and at 4:15, my boss Chris confirmed the roads were bad and that everyone should leave the office, which we did. The winds were very cold and strong, and I was glad to get a ride to the dock with my coworker, Tara. The short walk from her car to the dock was unpleasant to say the least. I just KNEW we would have a tree fall into our power line at home, and hoped I could at least have a hot dinner before that happened.

The walk from the Southworth dock to Rex's car was downright scary. The wind was so strong that though I am not a petite person, I literally envisioned the wind picking me up and depositing me into the ice cold water. But I made it to his car and I did have a chance to eat some dinner before our power went out at 6:40 p.m. As it turned out, it was "only" out for 26 hours and about 17 minutes. But there were some major differences between this and the usual power outages. The temps got down to about 14, very rare for this area. Despite wearing a sweatshirt, two sweaters, winter coat, hat, scarf and gloves, it took me almost a day after the power returned to feel I could begin peeling off the layers. Our water pipes froze, so we had no water till Rex finished fixing the pipes yesterday. Our cell phone tower was mostly non-functional Tuesday and part of Wednesday, so I didn't learn till I finally reached Chris Tues. night that the entire town where I work had no power from late Monday till midday Wednesday. I was home (and uncomfortable due to the cold and dark) Tues. and Wed. since the roads were a sheet of ice till Thanksgiving (not to mention no power in our office). We had Cornish hens for dinner when Rex got home from working at the dog kennel Thanksgiving evening, and I worked the full day Friday (not originally scheduled) due to the two involuntary days off. My sinuses and body clock are still messed up from this ordeal, and I hope and trust the coming weeks will prove much less eventful!

As for crochet projects, I recently completed two blue and yellow baby boy afghans using Caron Simply Soft (one using the Fairfax stitch pattern and the other with diagonal brick stitch). The first one was bought by Elfi (boss mom)'s sister and the other for a future sale or gift or charity. Next, I used purple Sensations Angel Hair yarn to make myself a winter scarf in the Mayfair stitch (which I use most often for scarves), which felt very good in the recent severe weather. Then I crocheted Christmas presents for Dianne and for Elfi and Heide at work, which will remain nameless till after Christmas, and today I completed a star shaped red/green table mat (or large dishcloth) as part of an online exchange. Not sure what will be my next project. I'm way overdue in taking pics of my latest projects for the new crochet blog I'll be starting (which will eventually replace my crochet pages at evergreenrefuge.org); maybe next weekend if it's more normal (which shouldn't be hard to do after the past week!).

Back Home Again

Hey, it's good to be back home again.
Sometimes, this old church feels like a long-lost friend
-- And hey, it's good to be back home again.

Apologies to the late John Denver -- but these are the words that occurred to me in my recent decision (or decision reversal) -- even though John was singing about an old farm and not an old church! I had posted almost 3 months ago that at that time, I had pretty much decided (resigned myself) to joining a church I had been attending that seemed like a good compromise. I liked the pastor, the people seemed nice enough, the doctrine seemed pretty much on target, and though the services were more contemporary than I felt at home with, I thought I would maybe even get used to it in time. But I could never take that final step of joining. I felt that it was because I missed the beauty of the Lutheran services, and specifically the church I had left in June of last year and still had in my heart.

I realized that due to there not being an LCMS or other conservative Lutheran church in town, my choice would involve compromise in either distance, doctrine or style of service. I also have come to realize that despite my disagreements with some of the policies of the ELCA, there is probably no such thing as a church whose doctrine I would agree with 100% (there are some things none of us may ever know for sure in this life). So at the beginning of this month, I decided to try something. Since I felt it would be awkward to return to the church I left once again (having visited twice since I'd left), I decided to visit one other ELCA church in town that I hadn't visited yet and really give it a chance; see how it felt. So I did. I went there that Sunday and the following Sunday. As was the case with other churches I'd tried the previous 1-1/4 years, the people were nice enough. And the experiment was successful in that what I quickly realized that what I have indeed been missing was so many beautiful aspects of the Lutheran service that were missing from the last (Methodist) church I attended -- the sharing of the peace, the many responsive readings and musical responses, having communion every week as an integral part of the service (not just throwing it in once a month as a "symbol"). What WAS still missing was the one-of-a-kind warmth and love I experienced at the church I left from the moment I first walked in the door in July '08. I went back to the other ELCA church a second time to be sure. Early on in the service, because it started an hour earlier than the place I now saw has always been "my" church, I felt the strong urge to run out the door in time to make the service there. But because this would have been obvious and I would have felt rude, I stayed till the end, and now I KNEW where I would be the following Sunday, the 19th. I knew it would be just a little awkward, but the awkwardness would be mainly on my part. I knew I would be welcomed back with open arms -- and I was. The interim pastor who has been there for many months, but who I had not yet met, has apparently decided to stay, and I like him very much (and he agrees that what has happened with the ELCA is "heartbreaking"). We have lost some good people, but most stayed for the same reason I came back -- because they realized there is no place else like this place, so they stayed in spite of the ELCA. So.....after 1-1/4 years of searching and trying in vain to make someplace else work out, I have come full circle and am Back Home Again.

I had a birthday earlier this month; it fell on Labor Day as it sometimes does. So it was nice to have the day to hang out at home instead of having to go into the office or take one of my few vacation days. The years continue to fly by and each year, I can't believe I'm the age that I am. But I've also gotten to the point where I am thankful to have achieved the age that I have, when I hear about people dying of sudden heart attacks and other reasons at my age or even younger. I continue to not get nearly enough sleep, get frequent headaches and remain 40-ish pounds overweight, and continue to realize I need to do something about this. Like the saying goes, "If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself". I know it's not something to joke around with. But I guess that if it was easy, if it wasn't a constant struggle, there wouldn't be millions of people struggling with it. The day before my birthday, a Sunday, I visited that other ELCA church, then (regretting I couldn't afford to take a mini-vacation this year but having a desire to do at least a little something different), I drove 20 miles north to Silverdale, stopped at what apparently is the only bagel shop in this county (ridiculous!), bought a bag of 6 day-old bagels, a small cream cheese and a hazelnut latte, had the latte and one of the bagels (which were delicious) and saved the rest to enjoy the rest of the long weekend, stopped at the JoAnn's and the Michael's and looked around, then drove back home. Then last weekend, Dianne and I went to the Puyallup Fair (the 6th largest fair in the U.S.), which we hadn't been to for years. We enjoyed looking at the crochet and other craft exhibits, the animals, and the commercial exhibits, and ate some delicious fish and chips. Then we made a few craft store stops and had chicken chimichaungas at Ranchero in Milton, brought a couple scones from the fair to her mom, and went back to Dianne's to crochet, talk and be with her three cute tiny dogs.

I've crocheted outfits for two more of the 5" Itty Bitty Babies and will get photos taken of them soon. I just finished a doily made of the Aunt Lydia's bamboo crochet thread I'd wanted to try. It's a bit too soft for doilies and splits quite easily. So I'll stick with the premium cotton thread such as my discontinued Opera, but now I know! I'm about to start an outfit in brown, sage and gold for a Ken doll who will be a companion to the Barbie in the sage, peach and gold gown. I had trouble finding the brown #10 crochet thread and thought I'd have to buy some from an eBay seller and pay shipping, but Dianne found a half-full roll that should be more than enough. I spent part of this weekend sorting through my crochet patterns and picked out some more to make in the near future (in addition to needing to start before long on Dianne's Christmas present; the big day is only 3 months away. Where does the time go; indeed! I miss the long days with dawn before 4:30 and dusk lasting till almost 10, yet in 3 more months, I'll long for today's 7:20 sunsets!

Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave!

The title of this post doesn't refer to its usual meaning concerning the results of lying, but rather, the tangled (World Wide) web that has resulted from all the broken links for various reasons -- including people not maintaining their web sites till they are suspended by the web host (which I was even temporarily guilty of for a few months), and web hosts changing hands and then sometimes disappearing, the biggest example of which was GeoCities. I miss GeoCities! When the Internet was young in the late 90's, they were extremely popular, and with good reason. Thousands of us truly enjoyed the concept of picking out a "house number" on a cyber street for the "neighborhood" that suited the theme of our site. Yes, the URLs were ridiculously long as a result, but I don't think anyone really cared.

When Yahoo took over GeoCities a couple of years ago, the cyber streets went away and were replaced by the site owner's Yahoo name. I thought that was kind of sad even though the URLs were much shorter. Then Yahoo closed GeoCities with little warning late last year. Thousands of people who still had their web sites on GeoCities never saw this coming and didn't know how or just didn't want to bother moving their sites. I realize this now more than ever, now that I have finally been trying to update my info on several web rings my site has belonged to (web rings, of course, being groupings of like-minded sites). Many of these web ring pages were on GeoCities and no longer exist; I click on them and get an error message. It's really sad; I hate to think how much worthwhile web content was lost. I don't know why Yahoo even bothered to buy GeoCities in the first place. Yahoo has some good points, like their YahooGroups lists, but it's really a shame that they killed GeoCities and left countless broken links and disheartened former site owners.

Another bad thing Yahoo did was to buy webring.org. I believe they no longer own that site, which seems to still be the largest web ring provider. But for me and many others, part of the fun of joining or creating rings is the pretty, unique graphics used for each ring. When Yahoo bought webring.org, those graphics became plain generic boxes, and that's how they remain. Ringsurf, the provider of the three rings I still own and most of those I joined, has also gone downhill. They give zero response to questions or comments E-mailed to them and now request a 1,000 character minimum description for each ring you join, which is ridiculous and explained why no new members have joined my rings. I'll leave the three rings I own there for now, but may eventually close them, with web rings seeming to be fading from the Net. Bravenet and JLYM (a Christian ring provider) appear to be the best providers remaining, but they too have a dwindling number of rings that seem to still be active (ans many with broken links where ring home pages once were, that more often than not were GeoCities pages).

I'm doing some very overdue general updating this weekend on my site, The Evergreen Refuge -- this updating being so overdue that I didn't even realize my beautiful site was offline for a few months when I totally forgot to renew my account with my web host (having changed my E-mail address so I didn't receive the bill, and circumstances such as my precious dog Heidi's sudden death numbing my brain late last year). A lady on one of my online lists asked me this week if I'd considered designing web sites for other people to earn extra money. I told her I have considered that, and used to often mention my willingness to do so, but didn't get customers. But it also occurs to me that a lot of people are not longer seeking to create multi-section sites such as mine. Blogs seem to be the method of choice now for the majority of those who want a web site. They are simpler and pretty much accomplish the same purpose. I hope the day won't come when I decide to close The Evergreen Refuge and replace it with this blog. But I may eventually remove sections such as the web rings, awards and banners, which used to generate interest and traffic but probably don't any more.

I had actually started researching the web rings, and the updating I needed to do, a couple of weeks ago. But I really didn't have a chance to tear myself away from the DVR till this weekend, and it's the fault of Dianne's dear mom, Margaret. When she came on a drive with us to the Chehalis area several weeks ago, we were talking about tv shows and she asked if I watched NCIS. I told her I never had but after we continued to talk awhile, I told her I would check it out, and I did. Well......I''ll just say that though I do still really like Criminal Minds, NCIS makes it (and any other crime show) pale by comparison. I can't say enough about the cast and their interaction, the plots, the humor....I never imagined a forensic scientist who is a goth and a crusty elderly British medical examiner could be so endearing! So I "only" had about 150 episodes to catch up on. I guess I've seen most of them now since there are no "new to me" episodes for a few days (going through withdrawal here). I'm even going to try to download the theme song as the ringtone for my phone (though it takes forever to download anything to the little dinosaur of a phone I currently have....).

As far as crocheting is concerned, I haven't started another Barbie yet since having completed the multi-train violet and rose concoction. I want to make a Ken doll's outfit next; he'll be a companion to the Barbie in the sage and peach gown, and I need some brown crochet thread for his slacks. In the meantime, I made a couple of outfits for the darling 5" Itty Bitty Babies -- a "Sunday Meeting" dress, panties, shoes and hat in dark rose with pink trim, and a boy's baseball uniform in light blue with dark blue. I used #10 Opera thread for both. Dianne got me two more of the little baby dolls as part of my early birthday present, so I'll likely be making outfits for them next. I've also made a few more baby items with Red Heart Baby Soft (in the pretty pastel Angel Print) and in Bernat Cottontots, including a diagonal brick stitch multicolored baby ghan for which I used most of my small amounts of remaining Cottontots. Then it occured to me that Cottontots would work beautifully for baby bibs. I found a few bib patterns online that look nice, so that will be another small project I will try soon. Part of next weekend will be spent photographing my latest crochet projects, since I certainly have enough now for a 6th crochet page, maybe even a 7th!

Six Things I Am Trying to Wrap My Brain Around

1. Susie, our newest doggie, has already been with us for 6-1/2 months. She has settled in well and is a lot of fun. She is 21-1/2 months old now. I've wanted to get some more recent good pics of her, but when she sees me with the camera, I get a blank stare as if to say, "Mommy, what are you doing with that box in front of your face?" But I'll keep trying.

2. Even though Susie has been with us 6-1/2 months now, as of this writing I still don't have my web site, The Evergreen Refuge, updated with info about her. I need to rectify that soon. In fact, I haven't updated my site at all for awhile. I attribute the reason for this to our DVR and how easy it is to scroll through two weeks of TV listings and record stuff off the travel, food, medical and crime channels -- along with my favorite network show, Criminal Minds (though at this point, I think I have seen almost all of the back episodes). I definitely watch too much TV -- and stay up too late watching it. The only DVR we have is in a separate room from the only computer we have -- so when I am watching programs on the DVR, I can't use the computer at the same time.

3. The Evergreen Refuge has been in existence over 12 years now! It has undergone many design improvements and additional sections over the years. I'm pleased with the look and number of sections at this point, though I will continue to update it when time permits (possibly this weekend), especially the pet, crochet, and interests sections.

4. I am writing this on a rare day off from work. I have Monday off as well. I had planned, starting today and going through Sunday evening, to take a mini-trip to Portland, a city I love and have not gotten back to since 2005. I had the hotel, Amtrak reservation and rental car in place, and mapped out how I planned to spend my time each day. I was really looking forward to it, especially since I haven't had any out-of-state getaways since Vegas in Sept. '08. Then last Saturday, I learned something that, after much consideration, caused me to very reluctantly decide to cancel my trip. I won't go into the circumstances on this public blog. Those I am regularly in touch with know about it, and I appreciate their prayers and concern. I feel things will work out in the end, but given the present circumstances, I decided it would be wise to not plan trips beyond a local overnighter for awhile. Though I am disappointed, it is really nice to have a day off work to just be at home alone with the pets and unwind.

5. It took awhile, but a few weeks ago I finished my 2nd most elaborate Barbie gown, a Paradise pattern called "A Mother's Love", featuring a multi-layered ruffled train, a fitted striped jacket and a large feathered and ribboned hat. (She's pictured in pink with white stripes, but I made her in wood violet with tea rose stripes, in my beloved discontinued #10 Opera thread; these two colors look beautiful together.) I'll get her photographed and added to my crochet pages on my site soon. So now I only have room left in my large glass cabinet for just 4 more Barbies (or maybe 3 Barbies and a Ken)! After that, I'll occasionally make a fancy Barbie for a gift. But I'm gradually shifting more to making clothes for larger dolls and for real babies for charity or gifts.

After I finish this blog entry, I will go back to sitting in front of the DVR for awhile and finishing a pink Cottonots mini-blankie in brick stitch that my newly acquired baby girl doll I found on eBay will sit on. I felt she would make a good companion for my baby boy doll that I had crocheted the pretty blue outfit for. I crocheted the girl a pretty little dress, booties and bonnet out of the same wonderful Australian baby layette booklet that the boy's outfit came from, which is the nicest baby layette pattern booklet I've ever come across. However, my very next project will be a blue Cottontots afghan (likely in Mayfair stitch, which I use a lot as it is relaxing and versatile) for my boss' mom, who mentioned she wants to buy another one from me - yay!

6. After going back and forth in my mind countless times since May of last year, at this point I am 99% sure I've finally decided that I am going to join the Methodist church I've attended at least a dozen times since late last year. I came close to joining at Easter but just wasn't ready yet. I visited a few other churches again, including the one I left over a year ago. In the end, I feel this particular Methodist church is where I belong at this time, though in my heart, I still wish I could join an LCMS (Lutheran Church Missouri Synod) church. But the closest one is 11 miles away, struggling to stay afloat and most of the congregation is quite elderly (I love elderly people but feel more comfortable with a variety of ages). The only other LCMS option is 18 miles away and would require much highway driving, which would be a hardship in the winter and a hassle otherwise. The UMC church is a bit more contemporary than I prefer (the praise choruses in the middle of the service are nicely done but are just not my thing) but the rest of the service is pretty traditional, and I really like the pastor and people. It is also a place I feel Rex would enjoy if he ever got a Sunday off work to come with me (the Lutheran church was a bit formal for him, though I loved it). It's a relief to have finally made a decision on this very important piece of my life!

Collin, Insomnia, Criminal Minds, and Church

This past weekend was a long-awaited weekend away with Dianne, the highlight of which was something we hadn't done since December 2001. We saw Collin Raye in concert. It's so hard for me to comprehend that it's been this long, as obsessed as I was with the man and his music for 3 years, beginning in the summer of '98. He's remained my favorite singer and likely always will be, but I think I overcompensated for having been SO crazy obsessed as I had been. I had been aware of Collin and his music since his first singles in 1991, always did enjoy his music, but -- in '98, going through a hard time between two years of temping and another big problem I won't go into here, I heard the song "I Can Still Feel You', and it was like the intensity and heart he put into it hit me like a ton of bricks. As I began to accumulate his CDs, see his concerts, and correspond about him endlessly with other "Internet Collinators", it was like the proverbial snowball rolling down a hill, and I "Collinated" other people every chance I got, including my dear friend Dianne. (I'm sure God continues to wish my faith in Him was great enough to talk about Him to others half as much as I did about Collin Raye back then!). Continuing to learn about his great faith in God and his many humanitarian efforts only added to my obsession. I didn't think a solidly middle-aged married woman could be a groupie. But when said woman maxes out her Visa to travel 2,000 miles (in Dec. '99) with her Internet pals to meet the man, I guess that would be one definition of a groupie.

My fervor began to cool in late '01 when I tried desperately to get Dianne backstage to meet Collin and was denied by his management. I'd already managed to meet him twice, due to sheer will and desire to make it happen, but there was to be no third time. We saw him in concert (from lousy seats) in Tacoma in Dec. '01 (it was Dianne's third concert but approximately my 11th; I've lost count). Around that same time, the radio stations stopped playing his new singles and there were record label problems. I lost touch with the other "Internet Collinators" and stopped spending time on his web site. I would occasionally visit his site (usually when Dianne would tell me she heard he had a new CD coming out) but those visits became less and less frequent. I never stopped enjoying his music or appreciating him as a person, but the admittedly unhealthy obsession had faded.

Last fall, Dianne E-mailed me at work and said she heard Collin would be doing a concert in Bellingham, two hours north of us. I suddenly thought, wouldn't that be fun - it's been too long! And I'd wanted to visit Bellingham last fall and didn't go due to the rain. AND - what if I went online right then - maybe I could snag great seats! So I did. And I got us......FRONT ROW!! (My second front row and Dianne's first.) The tickets waited patiently in my top desk drawer for the next several months. But I still didn't make much of an effort to keep up with Collin's latest CDs or what was going on in his life these past 8+ years.

Last Saturday finally came. The concert began with a great opening set by the 90s group "Restless Heart". They were really excellent! I'd forgotten how much I had enjoyed their music. After a half-hour intermission, Collin's band came out -- all four were different people than his earlier concerts. And then, there he was, in a gray shirt and black pants (and a black baseball cap -- we thought, WHAT is up with that?). He opened with an upbeat song I'd never heard. He did many of his big songs from the 90s -- nowhere near all of them; there wasn't ehough time, but most of his big "signature" songs. He included a few newer ones - a beautiful song about prayer ("What I Need"), a fantastic version of the Steely Dan hit "Do It Again", and for his encore, he did the Joe Walsh rocker, "Rocky Mountain Way".

He did a fabulous job as always and his voice sounded better than ever, if possible. He joked with the audience as to why he wore the baseball cap -- he briefly lifted it to show not much hair left and added, "Collin's not as young as he used to be!" (Hey, join the club!) -- and about "That's My Story" being his "Achy Breaky Heart" that he HAS to include. But he also seemed -- Dianne called it "reflective", and he seemed to cut the concert a little bit shorter in the past. Today, I was stunned to find out why.

I went to Collin's site at lunchtime to try to find more info on his latest CDs, and a link there led me to the news that his first granddaughter, Haley, age 9, had just passed away of a brain disorder on April 3. I can't believe he could come out and put on the show that he did only two weeks after this tremendous loss. Many performers would have canceled the show. But as I've discovered countless times in the past and know now even more than ever, Collin Raye is not "many performers". He honestly is in a class by himself, not just as a passionate and enormously talented artist, but as a strong and dedicated Christian and family man. Most of the so-called country artists that have come out in the past few years don't begin to hold a candle to him as a singer, writer, performer -- and person. I feel so guilty now for not keeping up with him these past several years. I didn't even know his dear granddaughter had a brain disorder since age 2, or that he has a second granddaughter, age 5 (who thankfully is doing well). Yes, I did go overboard in the previous decade with my Collin obsession, but I need to start doing a better job of keeping up with his music and his life. He truly is one of a kind, and he and his dear daughter (Haley's mom) are in my prayers. I thank God for Collin Raye, and for his great gift of music and performing that he shares so unselflessly with the world -- even only two weeks after experiencing such a devastating loss.

I continue to experience Insomnia most every night, to live my life sleep-deprived and to stay up too late. Dianne and I couldn't sleep in the hotel room the night after seeing Collin, for different reasons. She has pain every day and night from her fibromyalgia and I have headaches and stress from my excess weight, job stress, Rex's hoarding and our "paycheck to paycheck" existence that makes me feel I never will be able to retire. I think we both finally got about two hours sleep. Now I have another reason to be a nightowl with chronic insomnia. I've missed "Monk" since it went off the air. I then found "Cold Case", but I think I now have seen most all of the reruns on cable. Two weeks ago, I discovered "Criminal Minds". After about the third episode, I realized I was hooked. It's on three different networks anywhere from one to six times, 6 days a week. There have been about 100 episodes, so it will take awhile to catch up. I'll get to see a couple a night off the DVR on weeknights, but am looking forward to this weekend -- I'll probably have enough saved up for a two-day marathon!

Last time I posted, I felt I had finally made a decision on a church. Now I again am not so sure. The Maundy Thursday service at the Methodist church caused me to realize how much I miss the Lutheran church. The regular services at that church really are a bit more contemporary than I think I can commit to long-term. I don't know if there are any other churches here in town with services that are to my taste but that aren't ELCA or that aren't overly dry or overly contemporary or simplistic. I am enriched by the liturgical services, but if not done properly, they can be dry. I miss my previous church that I attended in '09, but I won't be going back. I've ruled out finding a church in Bremerton, realizing how much I dislike having to drive up the highway, and also realizing that it's the opposite direction from most everything else in my life. There are two more churches in Gig Harbor I may consider; I need to learn more about them first. And finally, there is the LCMS church that sounded like it was on the verge of closing when I last visited in Jan. I should see what is happening there. SIGH -- I just hope that when I finally find the right place, I will KNOW it and will have a fruitful experience there for years to come.....

Jacob, Michael, Chickens and Church

This post, for a change, is not going to be sad, for the most part. A week ago Saturday, Dianne and I drove out to the Mount Vernon area, 2 hours each way, to meet what we hoped would be her new family member at a Chihuahua rescue organization that had approved her for adoption. They had an "open house" for people to meet the doggies, but she was the only one who was approved. The weather was perfect and our hopes were high. There were about a dozen of the little critters separated into two collapsible cages. I waited in the car for a moment with Java while she got an initial look at them. She brought one over to the car for me to meet who I instantly recognized from his Petfinder page as Michael, a sweet 6-year-old tri-color long coat whose only flaw was that he had no teeth (since the previous owner either didn't or couldn't get him the attention he needed to prevent this). He captured both of us instantly, and I prayed that even if Dianne decided on another doggie, she would feel led to take little Michael as well.

Another little dog she looked forward to seeing was named Caleb at her suggestion; he was white, shorthaired, and less than two years old. She felt attracted to him, but he didn't seem to have the personality or the compatibility with Java that we would have preferred. Still, he was strongly in the running for her since she liked the idea of a younger dog who would be playful like Josh was. She visited with most of the other little dogs but seemed to be mainly torn between Caleb and Michael. As she stood with her back to the cage that contained mostly tan shorthaired Chi's, all or most of which we thought we had visited with, Dianne felt a swat on the back of her leg. She turned around and saw a little face looking up at her as if to say, "Hey, lady, what about me? Look at ME!" She asked, "Who is this?" and was told his name was Jack. The reason we had not remembered seeing his Petfinder profile was that he was marked as "No kids" since he had once bitten a child. The rep went on to explain it was a case where a woman who had kids (which the doggie had no incidents with) moved in with a boyfriend with kids, and one of the boyfriend's kids were harassing the little dog (to which we both thought, well, we would bite in that case too, and also, she should have kept the kids and dumped the boyfriend, ha). She picked up Jack and he seemed to lean into her. He was so sweet and gentle, and he also seemed to interact well with Java. So now, she was torn. She felt so drawn to both Jack and Michael. She had totally intended to adopt just one dog. But how could she leave one of them behind? She finally decided, to my delight, to adopt both. As she explained, she (we) had chosen Michael, but Jack had chosen her.

We brought all three doggies back to her home and were alarmed that evening when Dianne first held both Jack (who she has renamed Jacob) and Michael - and Jacob, who weighs 6 pounds and is 20 months old, went after Michael, who only weighs 4 pounds and is 6 years old, besides not having teeth. Dianne gave Jacob a good talking to in which she emphasized this would NOT be tolerated and that she is the queen mother, while Java (who is age 12 and weighs 12 pounds) is queen, and the two boys are princes. Jacob looked up at her so earnestly as if he understood every word, and then he hung his little head. So this confirmed that he is not only very smart but that he wants to do the right thing. There have been no such problems since, though she still keeps Jacob in his crate at night while Michael and Java sleep on the bed with her, which I think is wise till everyone gets more acclimated. Both little boys are crate trained and Jacob is OK with sleeping in his crate.

On the way to the rescue place, I asked Dianne, "What do you suppose Rex brought home last night?" She said, "Not another dog!" Nope, we have all the doggies we can handle for now! After a few guesses, I said, "Four baby chickens!" As with many of the critters he has rescued over the years, I had no warning about this and initially, I was not pleased, due tothe lack of warning and the additional time this would take from his needed clutter control. He explained that his boss at the dog kennel recalled he had mentioned about six months ago (she has a good memory) that it would be nice to have chickens so we could have fresh eggs, and gave him these four baby chickens from a friend of hers. Each one was a different color and one was a little larger than the others. He had an extra guinea pig cage they could be kept in for about a month, at which time he would put them in an outdoor coop. The guinea pig shavings worked for them, and he got chicken feed plus feed and water containers for their cage. He even got a heat lamp that shines over them 24/7 to approximate their mother's body. So he's taken excellent care of them. In spite of that, the largest chick died after only about 6 days. We don't know what went wrong, but he instantly cleaned the entire cage in hopes the remaining chicks would not get infected. So far, they have been fine. We won't know for awhile if they are boys or girls. It would be nice if we end up with 2 hens for eggs plus one rooster!

The day before Rex brought home the chickens, I thought earlier that day that I had finally made the difficult decision about what church to commit to, after going back and forth for months, and still having either doctrinal or distance issues with the remaining churches I was considering. I decided to go to the evening Lenten service that day (a week ago Thursday) at the traditional Presbyterian church that was too far away (14 miles) but that I felt I loved enough that I could overlook the distance. I had not been back for several weeks but felt I finally would know what to do after I went to the Lenten service. But something happened that evening, concerningwith both the doctrine and distance. I heard something at the service I won't go into but that just didn't set right with me. And the drive back in the evening reminded me how much I dislike driving up the highway at night, even in nice weather. I suddenly realized that though I am not ready to join the Methodist church in my town just yet, that I will continue attending there and will probably join later this year. Last Sunday seemed to reinforce my decision, with a Sunday school class that was small but very friendly and enjoyable, and services that (while lacking some of the liturgical elements I'd grown used to) include enough hymns and traditional elements to suit me, in addition to being a place I think hubby would enjoy if he ever gets more than a rare Sunday off. While I still need to check out the choir (I had too tiring of a work week to get there this past week), I feel I finally have decided, and this is a relief.

Since I now have a large garbage pail size bag of baby ghans and outfits to donate to charity, I may go back to Barbie gowns soon. First I need to make a mini table topper with Opera #10 thread for an exchange on Swap-bot. Also, it's nice to again be able to do my mile and a quarter walk to and from the park n'ride most weekdays now that Daylight Savings is here. I was sure this would start making at least a small difference in my continued lack of weight loss, but I still have lost virtually no weight, so that is discouraging to say the least. But I am still not willing to give up the foods I enjoy; I need the stress relief after a long workday. So -- as in all the previous recent years, nothing in this area is changing and I'm starting to believe it never will. I don't want to believe I am destined to remain 40-45 pounds overweight, but what else can I believe after years of this nonsense? Please God, let something finally happen to prove me wrong. I can't stand looking and feeling like this, and I can't stand hoping year after year that it can finally change but never does.

Chica-matic

The recent trend of posting when something sad happens unfortunately continues. Dianne mentioned in her E-mail of Monday the 1st that her darling senior Pomeranian, Chica (or Chica-matic, as we sometimes called her), was at the vet's experiencing heart failure and that her vet was determining a plan of action for Chica's remaining weeks or months. I E-mailed her back to tell Chica to hang in there, that Auntie Teri loves her and wants to see her again this Sat. (for our belated celebration of Dianne's birthday in Feb., postponed twice for various reasons). I didn't hear back from Dianne the next day, which could have meant she simply had the day off and didn't mention it, and yet somehow, I had a feeling in my bones what was coming next. The next morning, her E-mail began with, "Chica is now romping with Ricky and Josh. She passed yesterday".

I knew this sweet, docile girl was getting on in years; after all, I was with Dianne when we found her near Dianne's home in '94. She was young then, but still, that made her at least 17 this year (doesn't seem possible). I've literally known Chica more years than I've known any other dog, including my own, so she was special to me. She went deaf several years ago, but we think that may be what made her so calm and mellow. She was just a sweet, quiet littie fluffball who I usually chose to walk when I stayed overnight with Dianne - and of course, she was the mom of precious little Josh who died in Oct. So this is something else my dear friend and I have in common -- she lost 2 beloved dogs (including her favorite) in a span of 5 months, and I lost 2 beloved dogs (including my favorite) in the span of 8 months. It's been strange enough my past few visits not having Josh jump up on the couch with his toy for me to throw, and now, not having my girlfriend Chica to walk was reaaaally strange. Dianne does plan to adopt a little boy soon to keep Josh company. She has an application in to a shelter about 2 hours north of her town that has several cute Chihuahuas advertised on Petfinder. There is one in particular she hopes to adopt, and she feels she'll get him if it was meant to be -- or if not, she'll have the furball God intends for her. I still don't understand the timing of when God took my Heidi, but I have to accept it and be thankful for the years I had with her. I still sometimes wonder if Susie really is the dog God intended Rex and me to adopt, though she is fun and we do love her. I really just wish doggies lived longer. I can't imagine life without them.

Dianne and I went shopping (as usual) on Saturday; we brought Java so she wouldn't be home alone, and she was a good girl. Our last stop was the Joann's in Puyallup, and I fell in love with a beautiful silky polyester fabric -- white with red, pink and gray flowers, on sale for 30% off. I commented how I would love to have a blouse made of that fabric. Before we left, I decided I had to buy enough to make a blouse, even though I still haven't even cut out the pieces for that purse I bought the fabric for in July, and even though I still haven't tried out the basic Brother sewing machine I bought with part of my Christmas bonus. Dianne, who is into quilting, said I'll have to bring over my new machine and my fabrics in the near future, and we'll have a sewing weekend. Crocheting is SO much more portable, but I can't crochet myself a blouse using this fabric! Speaking of crocheting, I'm still working on charity (or gift) baby items, but I'll get back to making more Barbie gowns later this year.

I went to the Methodist church again Sunday, and met briefly with the pastor along with 4 other people who are considering joining. I'm supposed to meet with him again next Sun. or the Sun. after, with the option of joining Easter Sunday. Part of me is ready and part of me is not. I do like this particular church and need to commit to one after all these months of indecision. Maybe I'll have a clearer idea of what to do next Sun. - or not (and I also may check out their choir practice this week, if I'm not too brain-dead from my crazy job). I need to go to bed now -- hoped to start walking to and from the park n'ride today now that the days are finally long enough to do it safely, but hubby still needs to use my car since his is still leaking. My middle name -- wait!!